New company, 8 weeks in, the CEO hears I do a bit of cycling, asks if I'd like to join him and the ops director on a little pootle Friday after work. Why yes, I'd love to, says I. So since this agreement they have basically been ribbing me about how they're going to rip my legs off as they're very fit due to training for a big ride. They've also commented that a runner like me (I do a lunch time run twice per week) will not be able to keep up with seasoned cyclists. All good natured, nothing malicious, usual ribbing.
So, here's the thing, they're nowhere near as quick or fit as they think they are. Unbeknownst to them (and me until i saw a social media post after the event), we all did the same Sportive over the weekend, 65 miles, I did it in just over 90 minutes quicker than them (and I did not do a particularly quick time), they were raving about how hard it was, how quick they went and how they're aching today. One of them had to push up one of the hills FFS... They also don't know that having spent the last 6 months running and cycling 6 days a week that I'm the fittest I've ever been in my life and currently have a physique that puts me well and truly into "climber/malnourished" category. Their body shape is perhaps better suited to the descents...
So, my dilemma, and bear in mind they are both my new bosses and have been relentlessly taking the proverbial for a week. Do I:
1. Keep pace but make sure I look tired so as to not lose too much face but also not inflate their ego's further.
2. Get dropped and ask them to wait on the hills.
3. Slowly but surely pull away from them on every hill, making it all look very easy.
4. Attack on the first hill, ideally after a [url=
]"Lance look back"[/url]. Do this on every hill of the ride.
Please note, this is a tongue in cheek, Tuesday afternoon thought (I've finished for the day) and I reserve the right to ignore you all and just act like a adult irrelevant of what you say.
Light hearted responses appreciated, we've had enough nastiness for 1 day I think.
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they're gasping for breath
4. Definitely
And last to the cafe buys the cake
6. arrange for ride to end at pub with slowest rider buying. Disappear off into the distance and be sitting there with several empty glasses when they turn up.
[s]5. Show off ya mad skillz with wheelies up the climbs.[/s]
EDIT: 7. Show off ya mad skillz with wheelies up the climbs.
8. As for five but light up a cigar!
4 or 5.
Maybe 5, and ask how much longer until the warm up is finished
Just keep it good natured. Can't beat a bit of being on the good side of your CEO, I find.
9. As 4, but ride a ladies' shopping bike with basket on front.
A pasting cannot be given. It has to be taken.
5 it is then.
Typical STW fashion, multiple choice and we decide its none of those!
4,5,6,7 & 8 if its a Hamlet cigar! 😆
EDIT: I missed cha****ngs answer! Borrow a pub bike, push them while chatting away! 😆
Have you got a Brompton or a fat bike?
+1 ride a shopper
I like the idea of:
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they're gasping for breath. Perhaps making sure that I keep it in the big ring on the hills whilst also slowly upping the pace.
No Brompton or fat bike but I have got a cargo bike, would that do?
Turn up carrying a tow rope?
I'd say mostly 5 is going to happen. It's pointless trying to fake poor form as you're just digging a hole but at the same time no need to rub their noses in it.
As an aside I'd be nervous around how they handle riding in a group etc. I've been invited on a few "networking rides" and sometimes it's very much all the gear and no idea. Once I decided I'd had enough of near misses and dodgy drafting so just attacked off the front... it took sweamrs and 2 of her friends 20 minutes to haul me in by which time the group was completely splintered. 😳
😀
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they're gasping for breath
extra points for talking intelligently about work/strategy, occasionally taking your hands off the bars to gesticulate or draw an air diagram.
Let us know how it goes!
extra points for talking intelligently about work/strategy, occasionally taking your hands off the bars to gesticulate or draw an air diagram.
I like this, use it as an opportunity to pitch a bold new project for your department.
Take pie charts.
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they're gasping for breath
This ^, be nice and sociable and don't put them down or be a dick by leaving them, but make it obvious (without saying anything) that you're taking it easy 😉
Ride on your own.
CEOs who ride in sportives? Definitely ATGNI who're guaranteed to not have a clue how to ride a bike properly.
Be careful, they'll probably do one of those beginner SPD unclipping falls in the car park and take you down. Keep your distance.
Ask for tips in the first mile on proper cadence and riding position, then accelerate away from them on the first hill thanking them for transforming your riding...
None of the above. Just ride at a tempo that is comfortable for you, but at a pace which is ever so slightly faster than they would normally ride. The trick is not to go so fast so quickly that you drop them, but rather to lead them to keep up with you at a pace which they can manage for an hour or two, but which they cannot sustain for the whole ride.
Usually when you do this, you want to ride alongside them, so that they cannot get the energy saving benefit of sheltering behind you, and you can control the pace. This is sometimes referred to as 'half-wheeling', i.e. riding with your front wheel a foot or so ahead of theirs.
It's a bit like boiling a frog in cold water: they don't realise what is happening until it's too late and they have blown very badly. It's far more destructive physically and mentally than just dropping them them on the first climb.
its the CEO.
leave telling him how amazing he was and you struggled to keep up, and if he can offer any tips.
buy the first pint.
that or drop them and miss out on the potential.
Ride with them, take your turn at the front. Wind it up (say) 60% of the way into the ride and see if they can stay on your wheel ?
It's not smart office politics to destroy / humiliate them. They will respect you when they realise they are not that fit
Be grateful that you get asked - I've a large group of more senior colleagues who all class themselves as cyclists, have all the gear and even organise a riding weekend in France every summer. They know that I ride a bit but I've never had an invite even for a local spin out 😆
I'd bring your best bike into the office the day before, the penny might drop then.
Please keep this updated, maybe even take a go pro traffic cam and record it so we can all watch.
Slowster, the voice of experience??!
+ 1 for Half wheeling, it works a treat and by the sounds of it should be physically nice n easy to dish out whilst still chatting away to them so they take there mind of how much they're suffering.
Stay with them and at the end thank them for the warm up and go do another ride...
Overthinking it, just go for a bloody ride with them. Don't drop, just go for a mince and enjoy the time on the bike.
[b]No no no no no no........[/b]
1. Turn up in jeans & T-shirt & White trainers
2. Bring the wrong bike, preferably a 5speed Raleigh from the 80s
3. Put a can of Stella in the bottle cage
4. Have a quick pre ride cigarette
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they're gasping for breath
6. Then when they are a bit tired, ride up a hill as fast as you can then turn round come back down and ride up it again with them and still finish first.
Watch this training video
Slowster, the voice of experience??!
🙂 Yup. I've only done it once (and was only ever fit enough for a short while to do it), but it was warranted on that occasion.
+ 1 for Half wheeling, it works a treat and by the sounds of it should be physically nice n easy to dish out whilst still chatting away to them so they take there mind of how much they're suffering.
The real trick is if you can do it without the other rider being aware of it not only at the time, but afterwards as well. In other words, you want them to eventually blow up badly and realise that you are a bit fitter than them (and respect you as a better rider), but never realise that what you did was calculated and pre-meditated. So you need always to maintain a cheerful chatty demenour, and when they eventually blow, you exhibit concern ('Are you OK?' etc.) and always feign innocence of what you have done.
Apparently I annoy folk by chatting on ascents, and not seeming to break sweat. So I suggest that, as it's a sociable ride. Go quite slow on the climbs, allow them to pull away, then keep pace and gradually break them. Without effort.
I recall years ago, an old boy who was a proper climber, on our club run
The canny git had been out in the car that morning (or his wife maybe) and left a thermos at the top of the first big climb of the day
he led off the front up the climb - our bloody faces when we got to the top of that hill and he was sat there with a blanket round him drinking a cup of tea
😈
lol @
Their body shape is perhaps better suited to the descents...
totally drop them, then you'll never get invited out with again and never have this dilemma again. Or if you're keen for promotion, go along and have a laugh and ride at their pace.
Haha - I had to ride with COO / CFO of my co a good 10yrs+ ago. Stopped to fix a pedal and have a drink, telling them I'd catch up - thought they were way ahead so picked up the pace and finished 90mins ahead by accident. They never forgave me but were too embarrassed tell anyone - Pick option 5 and your future fights well - nothing to gain by making them look bad 🙂
Turn up on a knobbly tyred singlespeed MTB and keep up with them anyway?
Cycle along with them keep pace.
Last climb "i'm feeling pretty fresh I'm going to give it full gas"
Pull away slowly.
Ensure a good distance by the top. Alliwing enough time to flip the bike and start spinning the wheels muttering about how you tjought something felt like it was rubbimg.
Turn up on your MTB "oh, I thought you meant a PROPER bike ride"
Or just smash em, if theyre worth knowing they'll laugh it off and maybe train harder, if they're tossers youll have just saved yourself a lifetime of awkward Friday rides
You really aren't making the most of the situation. Pretend to get dropped all the time, keep rolling up out of breath. On the last climb wager them a promotion & pay rise you can beat them to the top.
+1 for a stealthy half wheel. Bright and breezy with just a few inches of wheel nudged ahead. Be prepared to alter your pace so as they break you slow too but continue to stealth half wheel and ensure they are good and buried. If they are organised enough for a bit of through and off it's important to not come through like a train but go to the front and imperceptibly wind it up just enough that coming through is tough but not impossible.You want to make them sit there anaerobic but only just.
If they are a group into a bit of 'healthy competition' with each other on the hills there's no prize for being the new boy and disappearing into the sunset within 20 pedal strokes. You want to be there when they are suffering. Much more fun and demoralising(and it makes you look like a nice guy too, even if you are not) to ride with the slowest guy and keep him company until you judge you are at the point you can still just catch the fastest of them without looking like you are trying then make some excuse about joining in the race and giving speedy Dave a run for his money (Slowest man will secretly hate speedy Dave and want to see him being dicked) before blowing past everyone in between with a cheery 'nearly there' in time to 'just' (as in by 3 inches - close enough that you look like you are trying to cross the line together but he'll know) pass speedy Dave over the top.
extra points for talking intelligently about work/strategy, occasionally taking your hands off the bars to gesticulate or draw an air diagram.
Or whip out the tablet and start showing them a PPT!
but I really like this idea:
You really aren't making the most of the situation. Pretend to get dropped all the time, keep rolling up out of breath. On the last climb wager them a promotion & pay rise you can beat them to the top.
5. Ride with them on every hill, chatting away whilst not seeming to notice that they're gasping for breath
+1
then, after a couple of hours, ask if they want to push the pace a bit. 👿
Do the half-wheeling but keep asking questions along the lines of "this is nice isn't it?", "are we near the top yet?", "Have we much further to go?" "Is this a short ride for you guys?". Always a question not a statement as they'll feel compelled to reply.
Pink streamers from the handlebars...
Or turn up on a fat bike.
Cycling really is the new golf 😆
Rip the legs off them. No mercy
Are sure they've never heard of STW?
I've done the combo of 3 and 5 before.
(I suspect it was a set up, one of the gang riding actually hired me, so knew exactly what i'd spent the last 10 years doing. It was on my CV.)
great opportunity to suggest company paid team building events in the Alps, with the bikes.... just don't beat them too much on the hills.
drop the fat bastards.
Smash em up the hill, let them see you get to the top, turn round come back down and ride up with them again using option 5
Turn up on a knobbly tyred singlespeed MTB and keep up with them anyway?
Might as well go all out with a 150mm full susser, wearing baggys and a camelback for maximum humiliation . . . . .
And worry about your employment status afterwards 😆
Singlespeed, fixie, Transition Klunker or Kona Humuhumu would be my play. Just pootle along no handed wearing casual clothes whilst eating a pasty / pie and talking incessantly. Keep pulling away and then dropping back a bit.
That or go along playing nicely and after the ride offer to take them mountain biking. You know, proper riding like 🙂
Apparently I annoy folk by chatting on ascents, and not seeming to break sweat. So I suggest that, as it's a sociable ride. Go quite slow on the climbs, allow them to pull away, then keep pace and gradually break them. Without effort.
I just KNEW it was deliberate 🙂
I'll never forget a bloke inviting me out on a ride but telling me 'look, don't get discouraged when I drop you on the hills. I'll wait at the top for you'
🙂 you can guess the rest.
Nicely half wheel them. If they've been riding a lot recently they'll know when they get home that it's been a bit of kicking. And they'll respect you for not being (too much of) a dick about it.
This sounds like an ideal topic for a light-hearted GCN top ten video!
Thanks all, amusing ideas from one and all.
Are sure they've never heard of STW?
If they have then I'm sure they'll appreciate the light hearted nature of this post as an attempt to lift the gloom from an otherwise horrific day.
Don't forget to do some single leg drills on the climbs
Funny this has come up, I am just back from the inaugural team "social ride".
There were meant to be four of us, but the more 'endurance' built low BMI fella is off sick this morning and the ride organiser, a very fit, ultra marathon runner, novice to cycling, training for a big event later this summer is a last minute no-show.
That leaves me (a stone and a bit overweight, part-reformed MTBer) and one of the managers, an ex army-cycling man mountain. But it's OK he wants to take it easy. he's already tapped out ~80 miles this week, plus an hours turbo session last night (eh?) and has accidentally left his big chainset on... his big chainset is 55/44!
I let him lead out... I could possibly have outspun him on the climbs (where he more than held his own despite being pretty over geared), but on the flat He is basically a gigantic diesel traction unit. towards the end of the ride I was losing his wheel, and TBH I think he was taking it easy on me too...
We parted company having agreed to extract the piss from the two no-shows tomorrow... I took the 10 remaining miles home nice and steady...
It feels like I might have accidentally signed up to a hardcore training group and probably need to up my game a fair bit. It's going to be a fun summer...
belugabob - Member
Turn up on a knobbly tyred singlespeed MTB and keep up with them anyway?
I like that idea. 🙂
But it would be more diplomatic to turn up on a singlespeed road bike, and don't mention the lack of gears.
They'll eventually notice. If they say anything just say "I thought I'd better take my fast bike".
Does nobody else get hyped up by their other half (or mates) into dangerous waters ?
I've been battered by a variety of really strong riders after being built up with "yeah, he cycles LOADS" or "I've found you a cyclist for next weekend - he's called Bertie something", and once or twice overbiked myself to death (slow-reezy(?) swampthings front & rear on what turned out to be a 15 mile xc ride)
If its a classic case of ATGNI and they turn up on their Pinarello Dogmas in full sky cycle kit i would stay with them and wax lyrical about how everyone is putting 29" wheels on dogmas and that it apparently makes the tarmac come alive and see if they agree with you.
back in the real world, always apply charlieTBMs golden rule - don't be a ---k and especially with your boss
you could propose a race up the last hill 🙂
Interesting how many people are talking about "the best way" to half wheel. "Half Wheeler" always used to be a pejorative term for someone who didn't have the skills or self awareness to ride at a consistent pace in a group, or just refused to keep things steady. It was never something that people aspired to!
Anyway, why don't you just enjoy a wee social run on the bike with your colleagues? Surely you've got nothing to prove?
Number 5, make an effort to do some networking then towards the end of the ride pick a 30 sign and sprint for it.
If they say anything about it not being hard enough for you just tell them that 'tempo' rides are an important part of your training. They will see you know what you're talking about and may well want to invite you again.
Ride a fatbike! 😀
Take panniers filled with lots of food etc, offer them stuff at the top of every climb.
Or apply your brakes constantly while pedaling and let them know you are doing it because your heart rate is dropping well below your training zone.
Definitely 5. Definitely. And the match their speed on the climbs, if they are that competitive they'll raise the speed to try and show you up (or just admit they're not as fit as they thought). Don't forget to smile though.
But most of all, take the advice ^^^ and don't be a dick...
This thread has missed a key question: what Lycra?
Does lunge go for his best high end race fit kit to show off those honed muscles that the bosses are lacking?
Or does he go for the oldest set possible, maybe with a slightly see through butt, in the hope that the bosses offer a pay rise in order to avoid future rides staring at thinly covered ass crack?
Or, they know your fitter/better than them already and this is a test to see how you handle the situation...........
I think it's a mud covered baggies situation. Or full on Enduro kit and goggles. He doesn't want to look too pro.
If you're riding with your boss golden rule is don't be a dick.
I'd ride with them, be courteous, take a slightly longer turn on the front if they start to suffer and ride at their pace if they're slower. When you are done at the end and you look half as flogged as they do it will make a very polite point. It's a business social thing you've been invited to not a point scoring competition.
Either that or rip their legs off from the start, hurl loads of abuse at them for being slow, tut every time they ease off and polish up your CV this weekend. 😉
Get towards the end of the ride and innocently ask when the warm up lap is going to end.
Could you drop into conversation that you noticed they did the same Sportive as you then talk about Strava times. They may go easy on you after that!
Morning all, everyone well.
More ribbing this morning from the boss despite me riding in this morning, "training for Friday Lunge?", "you'll need all the training you can get". Conclusion, I'm going to enjoy this.
My plan I think is based around number 5 with a plan to attack hard on the last climb. Obviously this will be preempted with a comment of me just wanted to test me legs 5 minutes before.
Re. kit, it is very tempting to turn up on my cargo bike but I'm not sure the difference in fitness is enough for me to be able to haul that 40lb monster around the course. So, I instead be playing on their "all the gear, no idea" prejudices. Summer bike, all carbon wheels, Di2 and skinwalls, best (tightest) Lycra, aero helmet.
I've also just been sent the route and asked if I want to make any changes to it. I have, a dirty hill has been added to the end!
scaredypants - Member
Does nobody else get hyped up by their other half (or mates) into dangerous waters ?
Yep - my wife once hyped me up to her friend's husband. "Oh, he does lots of cycling, you should go out together...."
I was suspicious when we met up - his bike cost more than my car - and from the moment we got going it seemed like he was freewheeling the whole time while I was dying, lungs on fire. Over the next few months I found out that he was a serious amateur racer and had been selected for the Rhodesian Olympic cycling team in his younger years! 😯
lucky, my boss is a pretty serious roadie. It's a rare day when I can make him sweat.
Id base a payrise on the outcome 🙂
+/- £1000 for every minute you are in front or behind them.
Id base a payrise on the outcome
+/- £1000 for every minute you are in front or behind them
No question that this is a tempter, certainly a small wager on the last climb of the day will do no harm. The question is simply how much time I can put into them over a 6 minute (for me), relatively steep climb? 1 minute is doable, 2 is possible if I really push on. Hmmm.....
There's a part of me that's waiting for the follow-up and secretly hoping that, after all this pre-ride cockiness, OP gets his a*se handed to him by his boss. Or even better, a thread from the CEO of an unnamed company that comes on here to tell the tale of the cocksure lad that they just whipped on their Friday ride 🙂
Does that make me a bad person ? 😆