[Closed] A work dilemma, cycling content

Pink streamers from the handlebars...
Or turn up on a fat bike.

Cycling really is the new golf 😆

Rip the legs off them. No mercy

Are sure they've never heard of STW?

I've done the combo of 3 and 5 before.

(I suspect it was a set up, one of the gang riding actually hired me, so knew exactly what i'd spent the last 10 years doing. It was on my CV.)

great opportunity to suggest company paid team building events in the Alps, with the bikes.... just don't beat them too much on the hills.

drop the fat bastards.

Smash em up the hill, let them see you get to the top, turn round come back down and ride up with them again using option 5

Turn up on a knobbly tyred singlespeed MTB and keep up with them anyway?

Might as well go all out with a 150mm full susser, wearing baggys and a camelback for maximum humiliation . . . . .

And worry about your employment status afterwards 😆

Singlespeed, fixie, Transition Klunker or Kona Humuhumu would be my play. Just pootle along no handed wearing casual clothes whilst eating a pasty / pie and talking incessantly. Keep pulling away and then dropping back a bit.

That or go along playing nicely and after the ride offer to take them mountain biking. You know, proper riding like 🙂

Apparently I annoy folk by chatting on ascents, and not seeming to break sweat. So I suggest that, as it's a sociable ride. Go quite slow on the climbs, allow them to pull away, then keep pace and gradually break them. Without effort.

I just KNEW it was deliberate 🙂

I'll never forget a bloke inviting me out on a ride but telling me 'look, don't get discouraged when I drop you on the hills. I'll wait at the top for you'

🙂 you can guess the rest.

Nicely half wheel them. If they've been riding a lot recently they'll know when they get home that it's been a bit of kicking. And they'll respect you for not being (too much of) a dick about it.

This sounds like an ideal topic for a light-hearted GCN top ten video!

Thanks all, amusing ideas from one and all.

Are sure they've never heard of STW?

Don't forget to do some single leg drills on the climbs

Funny this has come up, I am just back from the inaugural team "social ride".

There were meant to be four of us, but the more 'endurance' built low BMI fella is off sick this morning and the ride organiser, a very fit, ultra marathon runner, novice to cycling, training for a big event later this summer is a last minute no-show.

That leaves me (a stone and a bit overweight, part-reformed MTBer) and one of the managers, an ex army-cycling man mountain. But it's OK he wants to take it easy. he's already tapped out ~80 miles this week, plus an hours turbo session last night (eh?) and has accidentally left his big chainset on... his big chainset is 55/44!

I let him lead out... I could possibly have outspun him on the climbs (where he more than held his own despite being pretty over geared), but on the flat He is basically a gigantic diesel traction unit. towards the end of the ride I was losing his wheel, and TBH I think he was taking it easy on me too...

We parted company having agreed to extract the piss from the two no-shows tomorrow... I took the 10 remaining miles home nice and steady...

It feels like I might have accidentally signed up to a hardcore training group and probably need to up my game a fair bit. It's going to be a fun summer...

belugabob - Member
Turn up on a knobbly tyred singlespeed MTB and keep up with them anyway?

I like that idea. 🙂

But it would be more diplomatic to turn up on a singlespeed road bike, and don't mention the lack of gears.

They'll eventually notice. If they say anything just say "I thought I'd better take my fast bike".

Does nobody else get hyped up by their other half (or mates) into dangerous waters ?

I've been battered by a variety of really strong riders after being built up with "yeah, he cycles LOADS" or "I've found you a cyclist for next weekend - he's called Bertie something", and once or twice overbiked myself to death (slow-reezy(?) swampthings front & rear on what turned out to be a 15 mile xc ride)

If its a classic case of ATGNI and they turn up on their Pinarello Dogmas in full sky cycle kit i would stay with them and wax lyrical about how everyone is putting 29" wheels on dogmas and that it apparently makes the tarmac come alive and see if they agree with you.

back in the real world, always apply charlieTBMs golden rule - don't be a ---k and especially with your boss

you could propose a race up the last hill 🙂

Interesting how many people are talking about "the best way" to half wheel. "Half Wheeler" always used to be a pejorative term for someone who didn't have the skills or self awareness to ride at a consistent pace in a group, or just refused to keep things steady. It was never something that people aspired to!

Anyway, why don't you just enjoy a wee social run on the bike with your colleagues? Surely you've got nothing to prove?

Number 5, make an effort to do some networking then towards the end of the ride pick a 30 sign and sprint for it.

If they say anything about it not being hard enough for you just tell them that 'tempo' rides are an important part of your training. They will see you know what you're talking about and may well want to invite you again.

Ride a fatbike! 😀

Take panniers filled with lots of food etc, offer them stuff at the top of every climb.

Or apply your brakes constantly while pedaling and let them know you are doing it because your heart rate is dropping well below your training zone.

Definitely 5. Definitely. And the match their speed on the climbs, if they are that competitive they'll raise the speed to try and show you up (or just admit they're not as fit as they thought). Don't forget to smile though.

But most of all, take the advice ^^^ and don't be a dick...

This thread has missed a key question: what Lycra?

Does lunge go for his best high end race fit kit to show off those honed muscles that the bosses are lacking?

Or does he go for the oldest set possible, maybe with a slightly see through butt, in the hope that the bosses offer a pay rise in order to avoid future rides staring at thinly covered ass crack?

Or, they know your fitter/better than them already and this is a test to see how you handle the situation...........

@stwhannah

I think it's a mud covered baggies situation. Or full on Enduro kit and goggles. He doesn't want to look too pro.

If you're riding with your boss golden rule is don't be a dick.

I'd ride with them, be courteous, take a slightly longer turn on the front if they start to suffer and ride at their pace if they're slower. When you are done at the end and you look half as flogged as they do it will make a very polite point. It's a business social thing you've been invited to not a point scoring competition.

Either that or rip their legs off from the start, hurl loads of abuse at them for being slow, tut every time they ease off and polish up your CV this weekend. 😉

Get towards the end of the ride and innocently ask when the warm up lap is going to end.

Could you drop into conversation that you noticed they did the same Sportive as you then talk about Strava times. They may go easy on you after that!

Morning all, everyone well.
More ribbing this morning from the boss despite me riding in this morning, "training for Friday Lunge?", "you'll need all the training you can get". Conclusion, I'm going to enjoy this.

My plan I think is based around number 5 with a plan to attack hard on the last climb. Obviously this will be preempted with a comment of me just wanted to test me legs 5 minutes before.

Re. kit, it is very tempting to turn up on my cargo bike but I'm not sure the difference in fitness is enough for me to be able to haul that 40lb monster around the course. So, I instead be playing on their "all the gear, no idea" prejudices. Summer bike, all carbon wheels, Di2 and skinwalls, best (tightest) Lycra, aero helmet.

I've also just been sent the route and asked if I want to make any changes to it. I have, a dirty hill has been added to the end!

scaredypants - Member
Does nobody else get hyped up by their other half (or mates) into dangerous waters ?

Yep - my wife once hyped me up to her friend's husband. "Oh, he does lots of cycling, you should go out together...."

I was suspicious when we met up - his bike cost more than my car - and from the moment we got going it seemed like he was freewheeling the whole time while I was dying, lungs on fire. Over the next few months I found out that he was a serious amateur racer and had been selected for the Rhodesian Olympic cycling team in his younger years! 😯

lucky, my boss is a pretty serious roadie. It's a rare day when I can make him sweat.

Id base a payrise on the outcome 🙂

+/- £1000 for every minute you are in front or behind them.

Id base a payrise on the outcome
+/- £1000 for every minute you are in front or behind them

There's a part of me that's waiting for the follow-up and secretly hoping that, after all this pre-ride cockiness, OP gets his a*se handed to him by his boss. Or even better, a thread from the CEO of an unnamed company that comes on here to tell the tale of the cocksure lad that they just whipped on their Friday ride 🙂

Does that make me a bad person ? 😆

I think a sensible strategy would be to slowly make it obvious that you aren't struggling (assuming you aren't) but just to the point where they realise it then sit back and ride along at their pace. If they still insist on playing the "are you fit enough?" routine then apply a bit of pressure.

The trick will be to get your boss to realise that you are fitter than him without rubbing his nose in it.

The trick will be to get your boss to realise that you are fitter than him without rubbing his nose in it.

The trick will be to get the best promotion and payrise you can while being a model employee as you ride alongside your boss.
Obviously once the payrise has been signed then the Lance Lookback can be employed on every subsequent ride. 😉

There's a part of me that's waiting for the follow-up and secretly hoping that, after all this pre-ride cockiness, OP gets his a*se handed to him by his boss. Or even better, a thread from the CEO of an unnamed company that comes on here to tell the tale of the cocksure lad that they just whipped on their Friday ride

Does that make me a bad person ?

Does that make me a bad person ?

I am the OP and if it was me reading this I'd hope the same. In truth, I only started this to make people smile a bit after a horrible day yesterday, I can only think you all for take the thread in the light hearted way it was intended.

It could turn out they pootled around the sportive because they were perhaps riding with (unknown to OP) much less fitter friend or relative.

Reminds me of a time doing a 50 mile charity ride with some colleagues. One guy, overweight, rode with knees ou/ seat too low style, but wouldn't take advice on saddle height because it was comfy. Only rising he did was a 2 mile jaunt into work every day, no other sports or fitness. Hammered out the 50 in not much over 2 and half hours. No problem.

Looks can be deceptive.

I would play it by ear and then see what the rides like. If they are full of bluster and no good, destroy them to make a point, but in a light hearted jovial way. But do come back and tell us if you do end up having to eat humble pie.

This...

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You let them know they're pathetic whilst displaying your commitment to the team.

Pray they don't frequent STW and arent setting you up!

This...

Sure, why simply whup the boss on the climbs and get overlooked for promotion when you could fondle his ringpiece and get fired for sexual harassment?

Enjoy the ride, mention you used to race a bit, introduce team time trial riding formation, don't be intimidating. If you're a lot more experienced, pass that on. Of course, if they insist on putting the hammer down you should reciprocate. I suspect that this will be unlikely.