#DarkFEST Course Preview – With Mum Commentary

There’s something called #DarkFEST happening in Stellenbosch, South Africa. It’s not an event for those of you with a sensitive disposition. We’ve already ignored the press release titled ‘Sam Reynolds Injured’ with a link to ‘Instagram Crash Clip‘, because, eew. Who wants to see that? Certainly not Sam’s mum. Or this mum, who has given us her take on the course preview…

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There’s no need for him to be jumping over this tree. I know an axe can be dangerous, but he’s surely old enough now not to lick his knife, run with scissors, or wield an axe without care. Maybe he didn’t join the Scouts. If he had, he’d know how to clear this trail properly.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said to my kids ‘if your friend told you to jump off a cliff, would you?’ But maybe that Clemens is leading Brendan astray here, I’d be tempted to have a word with his mum.

A good spanking is what Brendan needs. Silly boy. At least he does seem to be holding on with both hands, and both his feet are on the pedals. Small mercies, I suppose.

He’s showing a bit of sense here, he’s using his brake to slow down a bit. I do wish he’d wear some thicker gloves though.

Is that pile of blue things supposed to be a soft landing? Really. There should be a big net. I hope someone has some good antiseptic cream for if he falls off. And they’ll be needing a good big lollipop to keep him quiet while they get the grit out.

He’s not really that high up is he, Clemens is just small? Probably doesn’t eat his vegetables. These boys should be eating lots of vegetables. Kale especially, it’s good for bones.

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If you look on Instagram, there’s plenty more footage and shots from the riders – they’re all clearly having fun filming each other in practice:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BtnmtfJB37V/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Graham here isn’t wearing any gloves at all. This is quite worrying.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BtldVg0F3ZE/

Maybe Ethan should tuck his shirt in? Or wear a nice cotton vest?

View this post on Instagram

Ok people!! If you have no idea what this darkfest thing is about, and want to know, listen up! This is thee maddest mountain biking event in South Africa! These are the most unique and probably one of the biggest jump lines in the world. There are 4 of these events in the world, and we are privileged enough to have one in Stellenbosch! If you have any interest in mountain biking, I highly recommend you come out and watch!! The international riders will blow your mind! The jumps can only be ridden in perfect conditions, no wind, so it’s best to come early in the morning, or late afternoon! Open day is tomorrow and Saturday! Pull in and drink some beer!! (Not you kids)

A post shared by Théo Erlangsen (@theo_erlangsen) on Feb 7, 2019 at 11:48am PST

In all seriousness, this line looks pretty nuts. We wish all the riders well, send speedy recovery vibes to those with injuries, and nice calming cups of chamomile tea to all their nearest and dearest.

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