Video: Buying A Mountain Bike, Buying A Lifestyle

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If you’ve stumbled onto this looking for genuine advice on how to go about buying your first mountain bike, you should probably go and read the reviews section of our website, because this video is not going to help you. It might still be wise to watch it however, because you might think you’re just going to buy yourself a bike, but really, you’re going in deeper than you think.

It’s all just a bit too true. Just as well we can laugh at ourselves here in the office. Slightly uncomfortable nervous laughter perhaps. Dirt jump bikes? Us…er…

But hang on, we’re ahead of ourselves. Watch the video and get in on the joke.

Told you.

Take a moment. Have you used the word ‘sweet’ recently? How about ‘stoked’? Are you over the age of 35? Yes? Hmm…

Bike jewellery nipples
Is this you?

Let’s do a bit more checking for symptoms. Have you grown your hair, or beard, or got an undercut? Does ‘smart dress’ mean a plaid shirt and clean Carhartts? Are you wearing a bike related item of clothing or jewellery?

Welcome to the club. It’s probably time for another bike, isn’t it? Here are a few you might want to consider as you descend deeper into ‘the lifestyle’. It’s definitely a lifestyle, not just a midlife crisis…

Calibre Astronut

A dirt jump bike so cheap it would be rude not to really.

Airdrop Fade

We’d look this cool. So would you.

Identiti Dr Jekyll

The new Dr Jekyll looks 20 years better. Unlike us, perhaps.

Maybe you don’t want a dirt jump bike. Maybe you need something smaller, that packs more easily into the back of, say, a sports car. How about a BMX?

GT BK Team

Helps make you look young and cool, definitely.

Maybe you’re lucky enough to be deep into bike culture and have money. (If you’re in this boat, we’d love to hear from you, we could use some life coaching). In which case, you should really treat yourself to some titanium.

Cotic Soda

There might be good logical reasons to have this, but we can’t think of any. It’s just a lust thing.

Or, maybe, you need to take things to the ‘next level’. You need an adventure wagon. You need #Vanlife. (Look! There’s one right here in our classifieds too!)

This is all we need, right there.

Is it possible to just ride a bike without being sucked in to the bike life vortex? Can you just quietly ride round your local trail centre and go home again without feeling existential angst and the need to start wearing a trucker hat? Are we all just comically predictable victims of marketing, or is because the earth speaks to us, man, once we hit those trails. We’re, like, all connected, by bikes and dirt and scars and plaid shirts. Dude, it’s inevitable, don’t resist. Embrace it.

[ To new and slightly lost readers: Are you still thinking about buying that mountain bike? Do it!]

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