Moloch was an Ammonite god, who required costly sacrifices. A bit like Simon Cowell (but with fewer trouser issues) he prompted a particularly splendid bit of apoplexy from a bearded bloke in New York in the fifties. But no terrible sacrifices needed for you, oh beloved reader! You get to peer lovingly at glorious BikePorn for a minuscule price of entry – a few small moments of your time.
I am, of course, overlooking the frankly rather costly computer and/or phone, and the subscription to the internet service provider, but you’d get my point.
If I had one. Which I don’t.
So we humbly beseech thee: enjoy this, perhaps the spendiest Fresh Goods in recent memory…
Scott Genius 700 Premium
Well, according to the website this is one of the lightest FS carbon frames you can get. And it’s certainly got a striking colour scheme.
There is even green detailing on the grips!
It’s got a more-than-liberal festooning of XTR, and…
…Kashmina coated stanchions on the fork and a (unique to Scott) Fox NUDE shock. Mmmmm.
Price: £5,599
From: Scott
Haibike Xduro Allmtn RX
After last week’s response, here’s another – more bouncy – eBike from Haibike. This one is one of their (many, as it happens) full-suss numbers.
Large battery will love you longtime…
Fox Float with lockout for tackling those tricky climbs much faster than you normally do
There’s an idler around the lower pivot for trouble-free suspension action
Therre’s Fox upfront, too. Fox 32s, in this case.
And of course, there’s the (controversial) meat and potatoes – with 200W of pure, unadulterated motor-y whine. Honestly, climbing on these things is a hoot, it really is (*dons protective clothing*).
Price: £4,400
From: Raleigh
Yeti SB5c Switch frame
Here, in all its loveliness, is the first part of Jenn’s new long-termer: the new Yeti SB5C. All together now – Ooooooooooooooooooh
Here’s what all the fuss is about – the Switch Infinity Translating Pivot, in conjunction with Fox…
..so it’s no surprise to see a Float in there too.
This one is InvisiFrame protected too – lots of magnificently subtle plastic covering that envelope your precious carbon like a lavish coating of protective plastic chocolate on the carbon malteser of your bike. Mmmm. Maltesers.
Price: £2,899
From: Silverfish
Norrøna Clothing
Some ladies’ clothing of impressive loveliness…
And here are the prices and details (do you know how long it took to get all the letters right? DO YOU?)
- fjørå flex1 Shorts (W) – £129
- fjørå equaliser lightweight long sleeve (W) – £79
- fjørå equaliser lightweight T-Shirt (W) – £69
- fjørå flex1 Gloves -£59
All from: Norrøna
Cane Creek DB Inline Shock
In a doomed attempt to enradden himself (yes, it’s a word), Barney is equipping his bike with a lovely looking Cane Creek DB Inline. It’s designed specifically for bikes with between 130 and 150mm of travel. There are two barrels in that shaft – one inside the other, to enable better, more consistent damping at high and low speeds. You can adjust high and low-speed conpression and rebound damping, and there’s a climbing circuit too. All mighty impressive in such a small package. Plus shiny.
Price: £370
From: Extra
Cane Creek AngleSet
Yep, another piece of enradment for Barney to play around with head angles. The Angleset is very nicely presented in luxury boxes that make the whole thing look like glorious jewellery.
This is what you get. There are 2 sets of bearings in gimbals (great word, is that), and 3 lowers for 0.5deg, 1deg and 1.5deg adjustment either steeper or shallower. Aces.
Price: £169
BTR trail tool
A fabulous-looking tool for grooming those sweet, sweet jumps that Barney will no doubt be lovingly smearing his face over at high speed in the near future.
Price: £75 plus £15 shipping
From BTR Fabrications. Their website‘s going to be down for a couple of weeks, but here’s their Facebook page instead.
SRAM Rise 60 wheels
Carbon roundness in a 29er flavour. Wider rim than the older ones, and hookless bead, too. Mental light, an’all.
Price: Front – £735 , Rear – £850
From: SRAM
ICE Stickers
They might save your life. 3d barcodes which take folks who might need it to a website with your details on. A very, very good idea, especially if you’re Barney, who will be incoherently muttering sweet nothings in a ditch somewhere steep sometime soon. We can’t wait…
Price: 2-pack – £4.99
From: Taggisar
OneUp RADr cage
Not for Barney this time – this one’s for Rich to make his Mondraker long-termer even more RAD. Different screw attachments etc for different mechs and maximum versatility.
Price: $55
From: OneUp components
Wickens and Soderstrom
A new name in bike wetware – the tyre sealant will never dry out, apparently, and you can install it with a track pump. There’s grease and lube, too, and an appealingly retro vibe that reminded Barney of moustaches and beards in a Victorian stylee. Until we slapped him, and he started crying. The sealant smells strangely edible (if you’re really desperate like us). Don’t try it at home kids! We’re trying it on Barney’s sandwiches instead of toothpaste to see and will report back’.
Price: Sealant – £18, Grease – £TBC Lube – £14 for 125ml
Muc Off Explosive Power and Ultra Endurance
New liniments from Muc Off. Rub them on and superpowers using arginine and taurine will result in you ‘destroying the field’. Apparently.
Hmmmmmm
Price: £24 each
From: Muc Off
A hulking pile of Choco Leibniz
A week or two ago, w made a lighthearted comment here about Mark undergoing facial injury as a result of forgetting the Choco Leibniz biscuits. And in response to such abuse (at the hands of various high-quality chocolate-biscuit deprived members of staff here), the LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY people at Bahlsen have sent us a massive pile of high quality chocolate biscuits! We thought this sort of thing only happened to famous people!
From: decent confectioners everywhere
..and finally, here’s a video we’ve put together about the Bontrager Flash Charger (aaaah aaaah) featured in FGF last week we put together, just for you:
http://vimeo.com/125790155
Lastly, just to save your delicate little fingers from pounding the keyboard too much and perhaps getting a sprain, please copy and paste the following comment and designate it to the item of your choice:
HOW MUCH??
If you’re about at 3:30 this afternoon, we’re going to be experimenting with FRESH GOODS FRIDAY LIVE on Periscope, a live-streaming app. It’ll be ridonculously exciting in a not-really-prepared-for-it-and-making-it-up-as-we-go-along kind of way, and you can ask us questions, LIVE! If you’ve not got the Periscope app, you can get it here. Sadly it’s iOS only at the moment, but if they’re even remotely clever they’ll be working on an Android version AS WE SPEAK! But all is not lost – apparently when we start broadcasting Periscope will put a tweet on our timeline with a link – and we *think* (althoughwe’re not 100% certain) you can watch us from there. If you really want to…
..and on that bombshell, we’re off to punch Barney in the face for forgetting to buy everyone Aston Martins.
ASTON MARTINS.
DO YOU SEE?
ASTON M…
oh, never mind.
Comments (19)
Comments Closed
A motorised bicycle no less, what a hoot; for the motor biker. Please make it go away.
Reading that has made me think ‘drink at your desk’ Friday started early this week 🙂
*hic*
Those ICE stickers are a good idea 🙂
Not sure about the value for money for Norrøna Clothing’s £59 bike gloves!
Thank you whoever wrote this week’s FGF. Most entertaining for some time. 🙂
And there I was thinking that ammonites were just Cephalopods of yore.
I was trying to remember where I’d seen that trail tool before…
http://www.visiontimes.com/uploads/2015/01/Screen-Shot-2015-01-26-at-1.10.36-AM-600×437.png
HOW MUCH for the lot ??
We’ve figured it’s just over £15,500 for one of everything ^^ up there 0_o
Not sure about the neatness of the welding on that trail tool considering the price.
Also not sure about the ICE stickers with barcode. That requires the person who finds you to have a smart phone and a barcode reader. Surely the addition of a phone number would make getting in contact with someone much quicker and also blood type etc.
Look forward to seeing your Yeti Jenn… I loved the test ride I had on one.. Still debating a purchase..
“Also not sure about the ICE stickers with barcode. That requires the person who finds you to have a smart phone and a barcode reader”
I’d guess it’s aimed more at the emergency services rather than the person who initially found you. I’d think the best thing they could do is call an Ambulance/Mountain Rescue/Emergency Cake Supplier.
Gimbal is a lovely word. And the Yeti SB5C is a lovely bike, too…
That there chain lube and tyre sealant are awesome products, genuinely impressed with the stuff!
I think the next Marvel Avengers plot is based on the premise of “Never put the two muc-off muscle rubs on together. The results are catastrophic.”
The best FGF I’ve read, ever!
“I’d guess it’s aimed more at the emergency services rather than the person who initially found you. I’d think the best thing they could do is call an Ambulance/Mountain Rescue/Emergency Cake Supplier.”
Do emergency services have the ability to read normal or QR barcodes? I thought they would have more basic phones that actually work for making phone calls unlike most “smart” phones.
I’ve seen one version where they store the data on their servers and the emergency services scan the QR code and access your info online via a secure system. All seems a bit overcomplicated and reliant on technology being adopted, maybe it has already but I’ve not seen any mention of it. I’m a fan of KISS in an emergency situation.
So glad you’ve got a SB5C am looking to get one but needed a decent review to see if Yeti have sorted there carbon swingarm issues out from the SB6C so now one begins
I read the reviews of the Yeti SB5C but being the cynical sort who doesn’t always believe magazine reviews (cough) I went & test rode a SB6C, it was awesome. I then got to test ride a SB5C & a Foxxy Carbon & it felt so much better than the Mondraker, especially uphill. I’ve had 2 rides on it now and it’s by far and away the best bike over any terrain I’ve ever ridden.
A word of warning though. Mine arrived with rear dropouts that weren’t parallel so the axle & dropout metal parts wouldn’t work properly. Silverfish replaced the rear triangle. I’ve gone for 2 * 10 & the new Shimano bolt on mech doesn’t fit, not in XT at least. They used to make a top pull & bottom pull version, now there’s just one & the bottom pull part of the arm fouls the frame. I had that bit chopped off.
Awesome bike, still can’t believe how good it is.