This just gets better and better

Are we laughing at the owl eating takeaway?

placentanoodles

*please* 😳

they’ve renamed the daily mash ? 😆

“If you have a boy you are supposed to bury the placenta to the right side of the house to represent masculinity. If it’s a girl it should go to the left side of the house.

“Sadly we were living in a block of flats at the time so we just threw it off the end of the pier.”

Whatever floats your boat I say.

But I did laugh at the ‘chucked it off the end of the pier’ bit.

Ulysses.

Well, he wont be bullied will he?

Oh, err, actually…..

Live in Brighton. Love Brighton. P1ssing myself laughing.

Ulysses? FFS!

Ulysses is still sleeping in parents bed at 2!!?? Hmmm….

And actually CaptainFlasheart, I’d say not. There is far, far worse.

Tithead Matt, 30, also an idiot, said the couple had treated the placenta “like some spiritual experiment”.

He said: “If you have a boy you are supposed to bury the placenta to the right side of the house to represent masculinity. If it’s a girl it should go to the left side of the house, however we are too non-conformist to live in anything that casts a shadow, so we just phoned the local rag for a few hundred quid to spend on weed.

“We’re not fit to look after ourselves”

FFS

Edit: Beaten to it!

ReEdit, My version.

Me too p7rich! Was in tears by the end.

Ulysses is still sleeping in parents bed at 2!!?? Hmmm….

It’s little Oedipus, the placenta, they want to watch out for

Former yoga teacher Adele Allen, who had her son Ulysses by unassisted lotus birth at home, said it “just made sense” not to cut the cord……..We didn’t rub it with spices or anything though, so by the end it didn’t smell too good. But after five days of lying in bed together it just came away naturally. It was lovely.”…..

“Our whole parental philosophy is about letting Ulysses let go only when he wants to. He still sleeps in our bed, for example. It’s a child-centred approach.

“It also keeps relatives from snatching the baby from you too soon, which I find intrusive.”….

Husband Matt, 30, also a yoga teacher, said the couple had treated the placenta “almost like Ulysses’ twin”.

I got invited to a placenta party by some vegans…they were very insulted when i said i was not attending…they said it was vegan friendly
I politely pointed out that if i was going to start eating meat again this was not the top of my list of choices …anyone ever tried it?

We didn’t rub it with spices or anything though, so by the end it didn’t smell too good.

We didn’t rub it with spices or anything though, so by the end it didn’t smell too good.

Live in Brighton. Love Brighton. P1ssing myself laughing.

Indeed. But also eating my dinner and remembering seeing a fresh placenta a little too clearly…

Brilliant. Love Brighton, endlessly entertaining…

Brilliant.

Last thing that child is, is someone warranting the name Ulysses.

I just tried to read the salient points out to my astonished wife (and mother of 11 week old) and was crying with laughter by the end.

Surfers against placentae

Someone’s gonna report that as some kind of bizarre jellyfish when it gets washed up.

She said: “It created a lot of negativity from family – but to me it just made sense.
“It also keeps relatives from snatching the baby from you too soon, which I find intrusive.”

I’m sure the rank smell had a certain amount to do with it…

Not too happy after reading this, though: all I can hear in my head now is: :”Ulysee–eee–eeees, no one else can do the things you do!”

Someone’s gonna report that as some kind of bizarre jellyfish when it gets washed up.

Or try to sell it to perfume manufacturers…

I used to like Ulysses when I was young. Good cartoon.

Surprised this story didn’t make the Framley Examiner:

http://www.framleyexaminer.com/pages/fron011.php

Well, he wont be bullied will he?

I suspect that Ulysses won’t be allowed to attend school, with all its competitiveness and negativity, and will instead receive home schooling from his much better informed and well rounded parents. Poor fecker. Clues here :

Mrs Allen, 29, said the decision to go for a lotus birth two years ago had been “both spiritual and physical”.

She said: “It created a lot of negativity from family – but to me it just made sense.

“Our whole parental philosophy is about letting Ulysses let go only when he wants to. He still sleeps in our bed, for example. It’s a child-centred approach.

“It also keeps relatives from snatching the baby from you too soon, which I find intrusive.”

BTW I almost pissed myself laughing at : the decision to go for a lotus birth two years ago had been “both spiritual and physical”.

And then groaned when I read : “It also keeps relatives from snatching the baby from you too soon, which I find intrusive.”