Reading through the Dads thread, and it’s interesting to see how polarised it is. I don’t have anything particularly positive to add to it, but I thought there should be a mum counterpart.

I think I get all the resilience, common sense, and independence I have from my mum.

We weren’t a particularly outdoorsy family when I was growing up, but since I left home we’ve both got out more, her into walking, mainly, and me into mountain biking, mainly. A couple of years ago, when she was 62, we climbed her first Munro together, Bidean nam Bian to be specific, in a howling October gale. I couldn’t have been prouder. Since then, we’ve sipped whisky on top of a Munro together every year, amongst other things.

Pure toxic and probably worse than my dad.

Mine’s a generally nice woman but much like 99% of people nothing about her stands out as being exceptional.

Mine is an unpredictable, insecure narcissist who never missed an opportunity to make me feel scared and worthless.

My mum’s amazing. Mid-to-late 70s, goes off staying in a camper van most weekends cos her bf is a touring musician of sorts. Drives a sports car (badly), uses the internet and smart phone like she’s had them all her life. I definitely got my stubbornness and intolerance off her, but rather diluted versions, fortunately.
Love her to bits – but could never have done what my younger brother did last summer – went on holiday with her, alone! Legend 😆

mine is generous and a great cook, unfortunately she’s also a racist nan! 🙁

I get really aggravated with mine, but then I think about all the things she introduced us to as kids – travel, languages, and most of the things I rate as important in my life – and I am deeply grateful.

The fact that she never allowed us to say we were ‘bored’, for example, is what taught me to use my imagination, while the fact that she had zero tolerance for fussiness toward food is what enabled me to appreciate all different foods. It was she who stuck me in French school instead of English, and she who arranged the music lessons and the swimming lessons and the summer football camps and the hockey camps. Etc., etc.

And in her early 70s, she is still willing to go camping and hiking and just generally be adventurous.

My dad was amazing, but my mum deserves credit as well.

My Mum was regarded by my Grandparents as being very selfish, verging on narcissistic when they were alive.

I try not to look back at everything from my childhood with 20-20 hindsight and look for perfection, but at the time it seemed normal, now it doesn’t.

I love my Mum, because she’s my Mum, we have a good relationship now, but it’s not always been the case. I hate to admit it, but I don’t completely trust her, you always need to check the small print. She’s a lot better these days. We live almost completely separate lives, but that’s mostly because she moved abroad 15 years or so ago, for a long time I would see her twice a year, we never called, rarely e-mailed. I have a similar relationship with my brothers, we haven’t fallen out, we’re just not that close. Mum mostly lives here now, I go to see her every other weekend, she never visits us.

My wife is from one of those huge Catholic families and everyone is close to everyone, cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers – I’ve come home to find second-cousins and second-cousin’s kids sat on the sofa having a lovely chat. I haven’t seen any of my cousins in 20 years. She thinks my relationship with my family is odd, I can’t argue.

muppetWrangler – Member

Mine’s a generally nice woman but much like 99% of people nothing about her stands out as being exceptional.

bloody ‘ell, you’re not even allow to say stuff in recently croaked Z-list celebs threads!

(Note: not saying yer maw’s snuffed it)

Mine resented me, I appeared after a tech in the pill factory screwed up and it was withdrawn. I don’t think I was forgiven for the sins of my father. My other younger brothers could do no wrong. Not helped by her developing pre and post natal depression with my youngest brother. As a 13 year old I actually enjoyed going to school and dreaded going home.

Unfortunately I see to much of her in me and that’s one of the reasons I won’t have children.

I’m now 47 and see her once or twice a year now and that’s enough.

My mum was a truly inspirational woman who died age 45 from a brain tumour. She left home at 16 and worked her way around the UK on various farms (having never worked on a farm in her life – she just wanted to do it). Eventually applied to ag college in Usk and got in on a scholarship. She single handly ran the local cub scout group, had her own bed and breakfast business alongside helping out on the farm and was determined to do as much adventurous stuff as she could. She was always pushing me to get on in life and wanted me to go to better schools and to Atlantic college for 6th Form. From my side I rebelled and refused to which I realise today may have been a mistake 🙂
I guess she got a lot of her character from her own mum who used to ride a 750cc motorbike in her youth (1920s) around rural Norfolk 😯
I am now 5 years older than she was when she died 30 years ago. I often wonder how differently things might have been had she lived. It destroyed my dad at the time as she was the driving force in the relationship. Makes me always want to get on and live for today.

Even worse than my dad…

What a bloody miserable thread thenorthwind. Please make it stop. 😥

She’s a role model for anyone.

Overcame sexism and racism to be a career woman in a very difficult place. Raised her children in a country with a war going on with no parental support for almost all of it.

She did pack some ropey lunches (sugar and margarine sandwiches anyone?) and sometimes her career did come first before her kids, but I understand why and that helps. She’s made huge sacrifices for her family and children. Not sure if some of them were things I could do.

She’s got a massively naive streak wrt some things, but you can’t doubt her love for her kids and family. Dad’s a bit of a homebody so she does a lot of travelling on her own around the world which is pretty impressive for someone her age. She’s got no fear. Very unmaterialistic as well with money and loves spoiling the people around her.

Wouldn’t have anyone else be my mum.

Bonkers, steadfast, reliable, adventurous, can re-wire a house and lay roof tiles, unbelievable seamstress, property magnet, currently sunning herself in Gran Canaries for her annual 4 month winterisation hibernation.

She’s lovely.

Wonderful.
She basically gave up her life for me and my brother. She was a promising teacher, going up the education system but became a stay at home mother. She would do ANYTHING for me, my brother and my dad. I owe her so much.

Please make it stop

It’s important you learn a lesson about STW. Also I can’t. Thanks for trying though :-/

My mum is ace , as a child she was in a hospice to die , she lost her brother then her dad , evacuated during the war her family home was bombed out , she met my dad as evacuees . and never left him . moved north for work and lived in an unheated home with two kids boiling nappes on a stove run off scrap wood . then when all had got comfortable and middle class had me by mistake . She carried on teaching in the local school with me in my pram in the class room.
She is now 86 and has finally stopped giving up her seat on the bus to “old people” usually in their 70s.
Her Dr has Just pursaded her to go to the “falls clinic” but she is only going to please him because he is “dreamy” which I think means she fancies him!

There are some depressing posts on this thread.
It makes me wonder what sort of lives these women would have led, if they hadn’t had you lot for sons 🙄
(Apologies to any daughters on the thread . . . but I think you are all sons)

Completely bonkers.
We regularly oscillate from normal/energetic/funny/generous to scary/mental/accusing me of changing her will and stealing her money.
I don’t trust her with anything anymore, let alone anything remotely personal that can be used against me later.
Not really sure if she’s always been like that or if she’s got worse with age.
She’s 80 now and frankly, I just can’t be arsed.

guess it depends whether you think being spiteful, vindictive, childish and just plain thick are qualities.

Not spoken to her for, ooh, close to 2 years, and don’t intend to.

It makes me wonder what sort of lives these women would have led, if they hadn’t had you lot for sons

That’s a choice they got to make. At the risk of going off on a tangent the ideas I get sick of hearing are
1) you should be grateful
2) parents are selfless.

Having a kid is the most selfish thing you can do; bringing something into the world and forcing a life onto them without their choice to fill a hole or need in your own life, when you have no idea what sort of life that new person is going to live (or possibly endure). So I’d guess the answer to your question would be “emptier and less fulfilling”, as that’s why they chose to have kids.

Selfish, narcissitic alcoholic who I tolerate….barely. When shes sober shes can still be quite pleasant. Unfortunately that rarely lasts beyond lunchtime, so I simply stopped bothering. In her stupor she has crashed her car, set her house alight, been arrested….thankfully she is banned from driving for pretty much forever. She was once a lovely lady – when I was little I seem to recall her being ‘normal’…maybe it was the folly of being a child loving his mum?…but for the last 35+ years shes gotten worse and worse and doesn’t seem to want to get better.

My Father is something of a saint, he still loves her dearly despite her multitude of faults.

On the plus side, my wife is probably the best mother on the planet to our kids. Her upbringing was as disjointed as mine, except she had a failing mother and a terrible stepfather to contend with. We both parent the way we wished we’d been raised, not the way we were raised.

Well, I had one decent parent.

My mum is intelligent and witty, and would do anything for me. Sadly, she suffered a stroke a few years ago which, somewhat perversely, saved her life as whilst in hospital they caught an imminent double kidney failure in time to do something about it. She’s stubborn as a mule though, old farm stock, which is probably what’s keeping her going.

Love her to bits, I’m going to be a broken man when she checks out.

Will not stop talking. Will not listen to anything anyone else says. If someone else is talking she jumps into any split-second pause saying “changing the subject..” and launches into whatever she wants to talk about. If that doesn’t work she’ll just talk over you anyway. My brother & I both hate it. He’s told her to stop doing it, she hasn’t/won’t/can’t. I just ignore her 97% of the time because anything else is a waste of breath.

This is probably the root of many of my problems.

If someone else is talking she jumps into any split-second pause saying “changing the subject..”

Oh my God – my mother does that too.

The mad old witch.

My Mum was the best ever. Couldn’t make any foreign food dishes to save her life but……roast dinners, pies, cakes, jams, chutneys, soups, oh my god how I miss her!
Brilliant mother & housekeeper, her & Dad were a good team, the best.

My mum and dad are well matched

Quite frankly I find mine an intolerant old misery guts. She has no comprehension just how lucky she, and my Dad, have been throughout their lives. Easy, well paid employment and now sitting upon a fat Civil service pension. Forever complaining that they are on reduced circumstances because Dad’s pension is not as much as he earned before.

Any talk of dealing with important stuff as they get older gets shut down or ignored. Things that I feel need to be dealt with when you’re in your late 70’s: power of attorney? what about the house? ‘I’m never going into a care home!’… I could go on, but it’ll just depress me.

My daughter, who is dating an Indian lad, refuses to go and visit them when he is with us, for fear of inappropriate remarks/attitudes. Get the picture?

Sad, but I have feel that my relationship with her, and my Dad, is purely down to a family connection, nothing to do with love.

Mine is an only child who was the daughter of a factory foreman with a great sense of humour and intelligence, and a narrow minded mean-spirited woman who could’t cook. She worked hard and did evry well academically and professionally.

In everything except intelligence however she ended up taking after her mother. She has been a moderately nicer person to spend time with since she became demented.

FFS.

I miss my mum, every single **** day.

Mine has suffered from mental issues throughout her life. That’s not her fault and it’s a pity that she wasn’t able to get any proper treatment when she was younger.

This doesn’t excuse the violence and neglect that both my sister and I suffered when we were young. The consequences of which has had a profound effect on us both. It’s only been in the last few years (I’m 44) that I’ve come to understand that it wasnt all my fault.

my mum has passed on. never got to meet her 4th grandchild. At least she did better than my dad who never got to meet any!
My mum liked a drink and my sister always used to chastise her over drinking whereas I was more lasse faire, she’d eventually fall asleep. tbf if I had survived cancer twice and then got it again I’d probably turn to drink too.

Mine’s great, brilliant mind, wasted as a housewife unfortunately. Hope she’s enjoyed her life anyway.

(Don’t really mean a stay-at-home parent has “wasted” their life, but I can’t help but reckon she could have found more fulfillment outside the home. Very sharp mind, university degree when they weren’t quite so common.)

My mum is eternally disappointed that neither me nor my children turned out to be Golden Retrievers. 🙁

Good old Mum.

She used to get a bad back as she got older so had to be moved on.

I love my mum more than my dad but it’s not always been the case. I’m the oldest of 3 and my sister and brother (hate saying that as he is a complete …. and doesn’t speak to my mum or me but that’s another story) and they could almost do no wrong and got what they wanted most of the time. I had to take the dogs out, wash the dishes etc while they sat on the backsides do bugger all. So I didn’t get on with my mum or dad for that reason.

It was only after my mum and dad split up 7 years ago that my mum apologised for my up bringing and it brought us a lot closer, he have a good laugh about things.

My mum is happy doing her own thing like going out on shooting trips with her man friend and is far happier than what I remember her being.

I miss my mum she lives in Scotland, though I try to call or FaceTime her once a week I still miss her and she is a fantastic nana to my wee girl.