…Your gear cables freeze and you have to stop in the sunshine and breathe warmer air on the them to try and get them moving!

you have the constitution of a heard of oxen, but the bloody weather has laid you low with chill, banging head, and feeling like you have been stamped by a heard of oxen.

Nah, when you have to repeatedly pee on your freewheel….that’s colder.

… your mineral oil freezes 😯

..when i’m wearing sealskinz 😡

Your nose hair freezes.

(-18C if you’re wondering).

You sit on a rock to admire icicles around a waterfall, stand up less than five minutes later to find your riding shorts are frozen in the sitting position 😯

your toilet freezes over..

The river that you are kayaking down (as in whitewater kayaking) freezes over, so you get the boat out of the water and pull your bike along snow on the bank! (about -13c)

When the water in your eyes freeze over (happened to me on the Cairngorm plateau one winter).

Lunch freezes as you eat it. Ben Macdui at -32 windchill.

your jacket, trousers, scarf, breath etc all freeze and you dare not touch anything without gloves. (-26, before windchill in a blizzard on Mt Blanc).

You fall in the North sea in an offshore race in a February storm and can’t talk/think/eat/move for hours after recovery…

It’s this (——) long. Basically, when you have an “innie” 🙂

Your nose hair freezes.

Searches for nosehair freezer and snapperofferer.

A piece broke off my gelled up hair when I was a kid once.

your toilet freezes over..

Or even less conveniently freezes, then is completely torn apart by the expanding ice.

……find a lump in your bed when you wake up. You pick it up and hold it in your hand and as it defrosts it lets out a farty sound 😯

The tennis ball gets lost in the snow during the toss!!!

WTF!

when any moisture in the air freezes in to beautiful, shimmering, glittering crystals, shining little diamonds of beauty in the air.

(Turin airport. Appx -30c)

-32 in the middle of nowhere in British Columbia

Inside of nose froze up, breath froze on jacket, watch and phone stopped working

allthepies – Member
WTF!

Frozen guff 😆

when emperor penguins start complaining that it’s a bit nippy today 😀

There’s distinct lull in bike-packing / bivvy trip reports from some of you nutters on here, who like sleeping rough. 😀

Your handbrake freezes on again because you forgot to leave the **** thing off even though you knew this would **** happen again so your back wheels dig two furrows in the gravel drive as you leave for work and you can’t get out of second gear for about half a mile when heat or vibration finally persuade the **** handbrake to release its **** grip 👿

You decide not to wear shorts…..

I gave up washing my bike after today’s ride as the water was simply freezing on the frame.

This was not in the Yukon, but deepest Sheffield.

Your bell freezes to the inside of your trouser leg as you didnt shake well enough.

I knew a girl who milked goats in the Alps near the Matterhorn. In winter it used to get so cold in her hut overnight that anything she didn’t want to freeze solid had to be placed in the fridge as that was the warmest place in the hut, since it stayed at about 4 degrees inside regardless!

Your beard freezes.

You wade through deep powder to reach the car, so dry with the cold that when you touch the car you get a belt of static electricity. When you try to start the engine the battery is so cold and the oil so thick that the engine only just turns over.

Aviemore, -24c.

We saw a German bloke in shorts that morning.

You stop for a post-ski drink and ice is forming on the insides of your glass and floating up to the top. St Anton, probably -10c.

Your bits look like a space hopper with one arm…

When washing your bike post ride, water from the outside tap feels warm and lovely.

Beck Weathers in the Everest 96 storm, that’s a survival story and a situation you’d not want to be in. He got pretty cold.

You fall in the North sea in an offshore race in a February storm and can’t talk/think/eat/move for hours after recovery…

😯 But of all the tales of things gone wrong and near death I’ve read it’s not the mountaineering ones that give me the worst shivers, it’s sailing.

parkesie – Member
Your bell freezes to the inside of your trouser leg as you didnt shake well enough.

I somehow forget about this every year, then winter comes around again and I remember it pretty damn quickly.