Girlfriend is going with her (female) pal to south africa on holiday over new year and plans to stay for a week in a hostel in Capetown.

Shes 28 and has travelled loads, but I’m still a bit concerned with this idea, SA doesn’t sound the safest of places!

Obviously I can’t stop her, but am I right in voicing my disapproval at such a plan. Or should I stfu, after all I’m not her dad (who incidently is also not happy with the idea)?

I think you’ve worked that out for yourself there.

She’s 28 and you’re not her dad.

do the real research, check out the hostels, don’t present her with scare stories but find a good place to stay

I’d let my girlfriend do whatever the hell she liked!

By all means do some research and let her make an informed decision. Key point being underlined.

I’d tell her she was an idiot but let her go. You can’t stop your other half from doing things.

Telling another adult that you care for their safety is one thing.

Any belief that she may only do what she desires to do if you so allow … is another 😕

*Edit – you seem to know this already

If you worry so much, pay for a nice hotel for her then.

Go online and book and pay for a decent hotel in Cape Town for the week as a “going away present” for her and her pal?

Just be careful about how you sell the idea to her.

Maybe her Dad’ll contribute to the “present”?

Girlfriend? Yes. Mother of my child? …I’d advise her to reconsider and offer to pay the difference to stay somewhere safer.

The Rand is in the toilet thanks to the shenanigans going on on government, so eating and drinking will be be dirt cheap. It will be wall to wall sunshine, amazing beaches, wine farms, Table Mountain, nightclubs.

Stop her immediately.

Girlfriend? Yes. Mother of my child? …I’d advise her to reconsider and offer to pay the difference to stay somewhere safer.

So if she wasn’t the mother to your offspring you wouldn’t care so much if she got attacked?
What a very strange thing to say.

Cape Town isn’t really in South Africa. Wouldn’t worry me.

‘Let her’? Interesting choice of phrase.

Cape Town is great – amazing food there, it’s hipster foodie heaven. As long as she applies common sense she’ll be fine. Use uber to get around.

I never felt unsafe evem walking around at night. I’m sure you could be unlucky but that could happen anywhere. I doubt she’ll be hanging out in the townships.

Whereabouts is the hostel?

Maybe suggest that if she goes to the toilet in the night she leaves the door open

If i was in position to offer an informed opinion about the security situation* then I’d voice my concerns but i would stop a long way short of trying to tell another adult whether they could or couldn’t go.

* I’m not.

So if she wasn’t the mother to your offspring you wouldn’t care so much if she got attacked?
What a very strange thing to say.

Hey, he can talk about his side piece however he wants. His baby momma however…

As others have said, I wouldn’t expect to be able to “let” or “not let” a 28yo girlfriend do anything. Plus if I put my foot down about it she might tell my wife.

Reckon you’re worrying over nothing.

Like any hostel, in any major international city, there are good and bad.

There’s hostel/backpacker type hotel on Kloof Street which is above one of the Yours Truly coffee shop/bar/restaurants, it’s safe and the cliental at Yours Truly are really decent and there’s great food, coffee and entertainment. The owner of Yours Truly (Dan) is a great guy too, really down to earth, a good heart and the staff are fantastic too.

As per grum’s comment, I loved Cape Town and the surrounding areas, never felt in danger and can’t wait to go back.

SA wouldnt bother me that much.

mrs T-R is off to rwanda next summer…. if i hadnt been down the worse neck of the woods down there and seen how it works with my own eyes i might have been more concerned if i was basing my opinion of safety on the constant barage of terror we are fed by world news……

as it is im not at all bothered. Could get in as much trouble walking round the rough areas of glasgow.

My now wife went to the edge of Siberia to do a years VSO back in 97-98 – Russia was in complete chaos, she is tiny, disabled, didn’t speak the language…..

She had an amazing year, only got burgled once, saw a few frozen corpses on her way to work in the mornings when drunks hadn’t made it home at -38 the night before.

And to be fair, they offered her Russia after the Foreign Office advised against the original plan of Albania!

ok folks…jsut to be clear of course she can do what she likes, i thought that was clear from the OP

‘ Obviously I can’t stop her, but am I right in voicing my disapproval at such a plan’..

capetown sonds ok, Id just rather she stayed in a decent hotel.

Paying for somewhere nicer to stay is probably whats going to happen, but given I’m paying for the whole trip already, and so far this little jaunt has cost me the equivilent of that shiney new Carbon Bronson Frame I had my eye on, and am no longer available to afford, I’m slightly peturbed that decent accomodation hasn’t already been factored into the budget.

iolo – Member

So if she wasn’t the mother to your offspring you wouldn’t care so much if she got attacked?
What a very strange thing to say.

Not really. As my girlfriend, I’d of course care about her, but she’s a seasoned traveller and if she chose to stay somewhere which might be risky, she’s accepted that risk to herself and I respect that. As a mother, the risk belongs not only to herself, but to our son and his future, as such I’d advise her to stay somewhere else, as much for his sake as her own. I know my wife likes a bargain and so I’d offer to help any way I could in order to mitigate the risk. But again, she’s still her own person and if she chooses to still go ahead, that’s up to her, not me.

To live is to risk, how much depends on who it impacts and your willing a to do so.

What’s to say the hostel isn’t decent? Cape Town is a massive backpackers destination, so there are some really good ones about.

I stayed in a hostel in Capetown in 2000. It, the hostel, and Capetown were absolutely fine. I can only imagine things have got much better since then as well. They’ll be fine.

EDIT: In fact I felt less safe in Amsterdam. Would you let her stay in a hostel in Amsterdam?

given I’m paying for the whole trip already, and so far this little jaunt has cost me the equivilent of that shiney new Carbon Bronson Frame I had my eye on, and am no longer available to afford, I’m slightly peturbed that decent accomodation hasn’t already been factored into the budget.

Some people are either much much wealthier than me or much much more generous than me. 😕

How come you’re paying but not going?

+1 Grum, does she buy your clothes too (with your CC?)

Strange thread. What exactly is the perceived risk?

Cape Town is a great city, very hipster and arty and the bad areas are well away from the city centre and the affluent suburbs around the foot of Table Mountain. South Africans are pretty paranoid about safety so she needn’t worry. On top of that Western Cape is the best-managed province in SA and things work there, you can sit in a street cafe with your laptop and feel secure. Obviously you need to keep your eyes open and be discrete as in any big city, especially around the bus and railway stations.

She will have an absolute ball. Tell her to get out to Stellenbosch and Franschoek and make sure she explores areas like Simonstown, Fishoek, De Noordhoek Farm Village and so on and yes, the pound goes rather a long way at the moment. On business trips I stay at this place: http://www.denoordhoek.co.za/deals/my-top-10.htm

The video will give you a flavour of the kind of places she’ll be frequenting.

EDIT: In fact I felt less safe in Amsterdam. Would you let her stay in a hostel in Amsterdam?

I wouldnt stay in MOST hostels in amsterdam to be fair ……even some of the cheap central hotels are ropey enough….

im not adverse to hostels in the slightest we have stayed in quite a number in various locations how ever i do draw the line in the dirt —- if theres dirt for a line to be drawn in i wont stay there 😀

I stayed in a hostel in Cape Town in October (BIG backpackers) and it was one of the best I’ve been in anywhere. To the point that we regretted not staying there for the whole trip over our 6 bed Camps Bay Villa.

From my 5 day experience I wouldn’t have any major safety concerns about Cape Town. And Uber is everywhere and dirt cheap so there’s no need to walk around at night.

Depends. Will she be doing a calendar?

thanks folks, some of theses poats are very reassuring..

Some people are either much much wealthier than me or much much more generous than me.

How come you’re paying but not going?

South africa isn’t somewhere ive ever really fancied, and holidays like that are pretty far down on my priorities list. her and her mate have wanted to go for ages.

+1 Grum, does she buy your clothes too (with your CC?)

eh? Why woul she buy my clothes?

Depends. Will she be doing a calendar?

I’m lost with this one as well?

You let your girlfriend go on holiday with her mate, without you? 😯

tie her up and put her in a cupboard, she’ll thank you in the long run

Will she be doing a calendar?

Methinks that’s not what he’s worried she’ll be doing…

She’s not going on here own 😉

Just out of interest why do people think that a hotel is safer than a hostel?

The hostels I stayed in in Johannesburg had the same fences and armed security as the hotels. There are also private rooms as well as dorms in most places now. Oddly I felt more in danger coming out of hotels in South Africa or South America as you look like you have more money than coming out of a hostel. When I was last in Cape Town we stayed at some small hostel and it felt as safe as home.
For the most part my hostel has been one of the safest places to be. It’s outside the controlled environment I do something stupid… One that comes to mind is ending up in a South American squat party type thing after deciding to go out drinking with two Irish lads who were doing cocaine off a cd case when I arrived in the room…. Pretty sure you wouldn’t get the same experience in a hotel, mind you not sure I would do it again…

Nobody made a comment about shooting through the bathroom door? Standards are slipping STW, they really are….