At the very minimum, the bike would need to be:

I thought I’d covered these?

– Designed by a man in a shed – ideally welded/fillet brazed/knitted by him too

Mine was designed by Alex, probably in his living room. It was fillet brazed by Lee, in a shed. Inspired by Matt, who has a shed.

– Made from Steel, titanium, or wood/bamboo/recycled toilet roll/cardboard fibre/leftover metal bits found in a skip

Steel

– 29″ wheels, bonus points for only having the 29 at one end, or for wheels that are fat/650B

2 x 29er wheels

– Rigid forked

Yup. And steel.

– Singlespeed, or fixed if possible, bonus point for belt drive

Fixed, but chain drive.

– Custom painted/powdercoated/anodised/wallpapered/upholstered/carpeted

Custom painted

– Components sourced from EBay/Skips/market stalls/sheds/corpses

Forks and one wheel are eBay. Some from classified here. Some new (but now old) and some still new.

– One size too small for the rider, compensated for with a MASSIVE seatpost

It’s the right size, but looks too small 🙂

– Valves/logos all aligned, non matching tyres front and rear

I deliberately misalign mine to be contrarian. Surely that’s very STW?

– Tubeless, but at least one of the tyre or the rim should not be designed for tubeless use

I’m too retrogrouch for tubeless.

– Bullhorn/offroad drop/bent/twisted bars of some description, no flats or risers

Mary bars, run upside down for added nicheness

– Should have a quoted weight that is an estimate based on what the owner believes the weight will be when he/she fits the new pedals/bars/saddle that are arriving next week

No idea what it weighs. A lot though – it has a steel On-One fork…

– Should have doe the owner proud at Sleepless in the Saddle/Mountain Mayhem/etc

If I race, it’s usually my other, less niche* bike.

*still niche

– Should be for sale in the classifieds at any given time, as the owner has a new bike on the way

I keep bikes forever.

gotta be stans as mavic are suddenly so uncool and weigh as much as a house

really you should have at least 5 bikes, none of which ever leave your hallway (you’re currently building a shed which you insist on calling a mancave, the build thread is in the bike forum when really it should be in the chat forum)

any bike you have should currently be for sale as it’s all about the next one

the STW bike would be in pieces as your superstar pads fell apart, your offset bushed destroyed your frame when it bottomed out and your kashima uppers have melted, your chain is broken and you went to order one in evans but they wanted £52 so you ordered one off crc who haven’t despatched it yet and you should have just got one for the miserable fecker in your LBS

Brilliant 😆

Orange 5
Thompson seatpost/stem
Hope hubs
Easton Monkeylite bars
XT
Fox suspension

Not sure if the “Orange 5” disqualifies me these days, though…

Surely the most STW-est bikes rider will have attended a Jedi skills course, is currently on the iDiet, and shaving with one of those fancyass razors?

Mines getting there:

456Ti – designed by a man in a shed
Magura Thor – not Fox/RS
lots of Hope – brakes, headset, ceramic BB
Carbon bars and seatpost – for comfort
Crests on Pro2 Evo SP’s
XTR drivechain with Middleburn rings
All bolts Ti

Rock Lobster 853 – looks like it’s been dredged out of the Irwell.
719’s on Pro 2’s – decals removed, obviously.
Rebas – broken (very Hora-esque).
Thomson post – badly scratched.
Spoon – bent rails, ‘cos I’m fat.
Ritchey foam grips.
Mongrel Shimano brakes & drivetrain, including mismatched levers and unused big ring.
Wellgo MG 1’s.
Ignitor front/Advantage rear tyres.

Clothing is a mixture of Aldi shorts & jackets, Decathlon baselayers and a Gore waterproof.
EBC track mitts.
Giro roadie lid.

Lezyne pump.

Alpkit backpack.

And all regularly driven to North Wales & Swaledale in a Doblo. 🙂

Oh, and I live in Todmorden.

29er Cotic with Rebas and crests – got to tick a few of them.

So no one has a Titanium, 29 inch wheeled, 4 inch tubeless tire’d, singlespeed, (or fixed for extra points) funny shaped bar’d, truss forked hardtail made by a man in a shed, that they ride once a year (for the ‘puffer, getting beaten by a 14yr old) and take pictures of in front of their wood store?

Poor, frankly.

Actually, isn’t it just a CX/monstercross bike? As that’s what you ‘orrible lot are forcing me to consider!

A true STW bike needs

risers
bar ends
dropper post
crud guard
silly front mudguard
home brew lights cos they’re mot “paying that rip off”
rider who spends more time on a forum than on two wheels

My bike:

– 11yr old XTR rear mech
– mk1 Saint driveside crank. mk2 XT non-driveside crank arm
– 6yr old CK h/Set
– Badly scratched Thomson seatpost
– Spoon saddle
– Hope Hoops!

On One ScandAL original version – Non of this new fancy curved seat tube!
Stans Crests on Hope ProII’s – 29er flavour of course!
Maxxis Ardent tyres run tubeless – possible weak point as not Rocket Ron’s 😕
Thompson stem & bars – What else 🙄
Charge Spoon Saddle – Natch.
Race Face XC Crank.
X9 shifters & rear mech
XT front mech
Juicy 7’s with SS pads – The old skool STW fave.
Manitou Minutes 100mm – These should really be Reba’s but i like the niche ness which reflects what most STW’ers try to achieve 😉

Its the least niche bike i have owned since i got rid on my Blur LT.

No frame or forks then Hora? 😯

BruceWee – Member

2002 Coyote Dual (singlespeed), salvaged from the bin at the LBS (it had a bent head tube so I straightened it out and reamed it back to shape) put together with various parts I had left over from other builds and upgrades.

Still the best bike I have ever owned. It losses points for not being steel unfortunately.

Another Coyote Dual specced as a singlespeed here too! It first hit the trails in 2005 and has survived many other comings and goings. Agree on best bike I’ve had.

Ooo, yes, I may be a contender here……..

Cotic Bfe (Steel / Built by man in shed)
XT Crank
XT Gears (Purchased from Scud who Purchased from STW)
XT Brakes ( Purchased from Scud who Purchased from STW)
Kevlar Pads (Purchased from SuperStar)
Thompson seat post ( Purchasedfrom Scud who Purchased from STW)
Charge Spoon (Purchased from STW)
EX500 on Pro2’s – (Purchased CRC Sale/voucher code from STW)
Marzicchi Bombers 44 (Old Skool)(The Ti version, not so Old Skool)
DMR V8 Pedals
710 FSA Bars ( Purchased from Scud who Purchased from STW)
ODI Ruffian Grips

I think 89% of that qualifies !!!!

If I race, which I don’t, then I use my Lapierre X-Control…Yuk.. Don’t like those on here as it’s not a Zesty !!