I can’t tell whether you’re joiking about the other thread with the axe/fence/stolen bike or genuinely want an axe; it’s too early. Grivel manufacture a telescopic walking stick/ice axe; seems gimmicky to me.
Soooo I’ll give you some pointers, walking axes need to be the right length for you. The old measurement was to hold the head as you would for an arrest and the spike at the end of the handle should be at your heel. Newer approaches go a little shorter, but a walking axe that’s too short won’t work. Technical axes are used in pairs, 50cm is a pretty good size for most. They’re all quite similar, but it’s the usage that affects the tweaks you want. Picks come in different ratings dependant on what you intend to do with them. Black Diamond walking axes are particularly comfy, Petzl technical axes are “trick” as the kids say.
UKClimbing.com classifieds is a good place for both types.
I have a strong feeling I’ve missed the irony. At least you now have a little advice on how to get one (or two) 😀
If you really want to assault a ruffian/scallywag/bounder in style, surely a rigid carbon 29er fork is the trend way to do so?