For example if you find your self wondering would it be easier to get one or spend the next 25yrs inside after imagining a life changing event following a “discussion”…… 😡

It took a couple of years for it to finally sink in that it was right for me.

Suggest you take some time out alone -long weekend on the bike etc, whatever it takes, just to have time to yourself to chew things over and take it from there.
As valuable as the odd opinion on here can be, you already know that only you can answer the question…….

edit, should add that that is what the former MrsMM and I did when she announced, 6 weeks after we were wed “i think we made a mistake……’ 🙄
12 months of ‘trying to make it work’ later, we called it quits….

should add that that is what the former MrsMM and I did when she announced, 6 weeks after we were wed “i think we made a mistake……’

This sort of thing intrigues me and tell me to **** off but – did you have doubts yourself ? On what ‘counts’ did she think that you/her/the royal we had made a mistake ?

Took me 4 years to decide that i couldn;t compromise myself any more. Well probably a day to decide and 3 years+ to grow the balls to do anything about it.

It’s a tough call, took me a long time and lot of bike rides to get it clear in my head, felt and still feel a lot better for it though.

Although having said that, everyone’s different so like the other wise sages on STW suggested, take some time out (if possible) and clear your head.

When is it time to get a divorce?

When you’re reduced to asking STW about it?

NZCol – at the time i really could not see where there was a problem, I was devastated. However, with hindsight and all that she was right, we’d been together a few years, started living together, decided marriage was the right thing to do…. 🙄 , when I look back, the signs were all there….
Took us 12 months of trying to make it work for us to finally call it quits, split was amicable but still not easy – was 12-18 months after that b4 I got my head out of my ass, and started to ‘get on’ with life again.

Currently 3 years and counting (married) with Mrs MM Mk2 😀 …….

start early, paper work and courts are taking flippin ages over mine and it’s a straight forward one, there’s a ‘backlog’ apparently

Take some time to think about it. Though don’t confuse this ‘time’ with leaving the house and moving in with a mate to think about it. You will find yourself with no home, locks changed and no leg to stand on, yet still paying the mortagage….

Whilst it’s horrible to say and you will feel guilty about it make sure if it can’t be amicable then at least do it fairly. Yes, maybe don’t bicker over how keeps the cutlery, but don’t give up your share of the house etc. just becuase you are feeling bad about yourself. You will have a life afterwards once you get your mind back, don’t sacrifice that by giving away all your hard earned pennies.

must have been some discussion, only people who can make me contemplate that are usualy car drivers.

Do organizations, such as Relate, help much? Do they ever suggest that breaking up is the best option?! I’ve been marrried for 3 years now and going OK at the moment despite a few bad patches when one of us might have suggested we’d made a mistake.

We got some important things out of the way early on;

Will you still ride bikes when we’re married?
Yup.
Would you stop riding if I made you choose?
Nope.

Interestingly she’s now showing interest in mtbing and hassles me to take her out which is good though not so good if I’ve just got back from a big ride.

One thing to remember is that marriages DO take work. If you’re hitting a bump it might just be that, not a precipice. That’s not to say you should stick with it if you think the relationship has run its course but if you can find me a couple who say they’ve never argued, one of them has to have been bottling it up.

Work it out before jumping the gun.

If she’s cheated on you-divorce.

If you’re both having probs-talk and listen.

If you’re miffed now, wait till you cool down a bit.

What was the event?

This is not the place for such advice.

“Took me 4 years to decide that i couldn;t compromise myself any more. Well probably a day to decide and 3 years+ to grow the balls to do anything about it.” NZcol – tough times I presume, do you look back and see good or bad?

It took me a lot longer than 3 years but I knew it almost from the start, if you are asking then you know it. However being married/living together is not easy and you should try to get things sorted if it’s possible.

Make your moves but try to think of the other person because there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth on both sides. You can do things to make it easier on both of you. Councelling can be very useful, even if it’s all going to end. Give Relate ago.

The very best of luck to you and your partner. Whatever happens!

scotabroad we need more info. Its impossible to give you our opinions based on two lines.

Don’t murder your wife please.

In the good old days you could just trade her for a camel.

camels are not good kissers, and a bit tall. What about a ewe and a pair of wellies fitted with velcro.

If your thinking about it its too late.

Do organisations, such as Relate, help much? Do they ever suggest that breaking up is the best option?!

Yes they do help
Yes they advise breaking up if you both think it’s the best thing – they did with me and the councilling helped us stay amicable and avoid the cost & hassle of using solicitors

Counselling helped me and t’missus

A couple of beers and a cool down period has sorted things, I should have put a smiley on the end of that initial post to make it appear less serious.

It happens now and again when your married to a red headed scots lass!! cheers S….. 🙂

Don’t mean to go on but the Relate people can really make a difference, if could help in stopping issues in the future. All the best to you both.

PS what beer?

“what beer?” – without a word of a lie it was “bitter and twisted” LOL!!

Every married man needs a mistress. It keeps everyone happy.

If you’re here asking us, the answer is NOW. Seriously though, if you have reached that point and you have no reason to delay the inevitable, then any time you take is your life wasted. Just spent 4 years getting divorced myself.

hhmmm … counseling first as per TJ before rushing into separation. Give it sometime to see how it goes before deciding.

Oh … try not to hang on to the decision for too long i.e. 3 years, the woman is not getting younger.

So did you have make-up sex?

That’s the best way… ;O)

TandemJeremy – Member

Counselling helped me and t’missus

Except you’re not actually married . . . .

Glad you’ve worked it out. “Bitter and twisted”, indeed! Mudshark and mt’s posts had me totally cracked up when I read them. Good work, guys.