I work in a "serviced office" – i.e. it's me and other folk from other companies with shared facilities, like the kitchen.

So I've come to expect that folk will just help themselves to my milk and coffee. It's a bit rude, but no major issue.

But I came in this morning to find some thieving scrote had taken my box of cereal, my jar of coffee and my sweeteners.

After simmering away all morning on an empty stomach, my thoughts have turned to vengeance.

If I were to say, lace some milk with our old friend Picolax and then clearly marked the carton: "Do Not Drink", could I be held responsible if someone ignored the warning and drank it anyway?

Speaking from personal experience of using the STW drug of fame, Picolax.

I think revenge wise, that might be taking it a bit too far GrahamS 😉

Keep stuff in your office.

Put food dye in the milk to make it look off.

Go equine 🙂

Have a sacrificial box of Crunchy Nut with a few blegs in it for good measure. They'll never know, but you will! 🙂

Bottle of "apple juice" which is actually chilled piss.

I have been know to write 'expressed breast milk' on a carton of milk. I had no problems with milk going missing afterwards.

you dont want anything fast acting or you'll be wading about in ankle deep bleuggh before home time.

Get something with a delayed effect. Like small incremental doses of mercury.

Agent P to the rescue I say!

allthepies – Member

Bottle of "apple juice" which is actually chilled piss.

Epic. Piss is sterile is it not so you don't run the risk of actually killing someone with laxatives and unlike other fluids they cant catch anything from you.

Seems a good plan 🙂

thallium

This is Gateshead. The chances of anyone drinking anything vaguely related to fruit (that isn't also alcoholic) are vanishingly small 🙂

There's your answer then, label everything as fruit based.

allthepies – Member
Go equine

Do you mean horse piss, horse milk or ketamine?

if it is Gateshead they'll all have very high tolerances to any sort of prescription or illegal drug. you may struggle to find anything they don't already take on a normal night out

Gauranteed most effective – and looks like healthy Mountain Spring Water TM

Fresh mountain water with a mix of glacial flour and Giardia lamblia…

…otherwise known as Beaver Fever from it's association with beaver's urinating in the stream.

Excellent for double ended action – liquid explosive (no warning) pus / mucus discharge from both ends simultaneously.

I can testify to this – remembering being doubled up by a dirt runway in the Yukon with my kecks around angles and both ends going like that Icelandic volcano.

Onset can be immediate – some of my team mates were in maggot sleeping bags and self immolated with diahorea explosions that they couldn't escape from – and I am talking litres and litres of the stuff….

Breath / belches smell like rotten corned beef that's been left to mature in the sun…

infected individuals experience an abrupt onset of abdominal cramps, explosive, watery diarrhea, vomiting, foul flatus, and fever which may last for 3–4 days before proceeding into a more sub-acute phase. The majority of infected persons develop gradual symptoms that become recurrent or resistant.[14]

In both the acute and insidious onsets of symptoms, stools become greasy and malodorous but do not contain blood or pus because giardiasis does not involve dysenteric symptoms. Watery diarrhea may cycle with soft stools and constipation. Upper GI symptoms including nausea, early satiety, bloating, substernal burning, egg-smelling halitosis, and acid indigestion may be exacerbated by eating and are generally present in the absence of soft stools.[14]

So rkk, just to clarify, are you saying that Yukon *is* somewhere worth going, or probably not? 🙂

swap the sugar for salt and keep a stash of your own elsewhere.

I don't think you are over reacting Graham S. its not like someone took your stuff by mistake. These sorts of people leave home in the morning thinking they don't need to take anything to eat or drink – cos there's free stuff there!

they deserve a day on the toilet to thinkabout their actions!

😀

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

i used to work in a place where this used to happen, one bloke i know put a label on the side of his pop bottle saying he'd spat in it, until someone wrote, so have i' on the side,
its a dangerous game to play 😆

I don't think you are over reacting Graham S.
its not like someone took your stuff by mistake.
These sorts of people leave home in the
morning thinking they don't need to take
anything to eat or drink – cos there's free stuff
there!

I detect a hint of sarcasm there so for the record…

Aside from a dubious looking Pot Noodle from 1997, mine was the only stuff in said cupboards.

And it's not like they just had a single portion, perhaps thinking it was thiers, or that they worked in some kind of worker's commune where free food is provided. Oh no. They walked off with the entire box of delicious Frosties, a pack of Sweetex, and a full jar of Douwe Egberts. Leaving me with no breakfast or coffee.

And for this they will pay…

In uni halls someone used to steal my stuff. Got a pack of sliced ham from the supermarket and left it in the sun for a week before returning it to the fridge. He spent 2 days sprinting between his room and the toilet and I never had my food nicked again.

Some commendable responses here. Gonna make a note.

Optrex. Explosive and rapid.

Write 'Milk Experiment' on a piece of tape and stick to the bottle. Get a really cheap jar of coffee, swap the label for something posh, and mix some suitably coloured dirt in with it. Well, it was 'ground' recently…

What tyres for the galloping squits?

Maxxis Minions?

CountZero

I see you are living up to your name.

Oi! I'm the Graham-initial round here matey!