Going off to uni tomorrow to start a 4 year masters course in maths...
You mean you're going to do an undergraduate degree that takes four years, the final of which converts it to a masters.
Concentrate on the important things at university: beer and birds.
Yeah the point of year 1 is to get drunk every night for as long as you can take it/til the money runs out. Year 2 you have to be more sensible, then year 3 even more so. I could do a masters, just can't be arsed to waste another year and would rather be earning!
"Heroin is not necessarily addictive and harmless if used correctly."
Biology teacher and occasional smackhead.
French teacher broke into school grounds one night whilst pissed and sprayed "Bollocks to Horrocks" in four foot high letters on the side of the gym. Mr Horrocks was the deputy head. They didn't get on.
He took great pleasure in telling everyone on the day he left - nice bloke.
Mr Potter RIP. Unfortunately hung himself after his wife left him.
"what do you want me to play, Sex Pistols or Tom Robinson Band?"
"Heroin is not necessarily addictive and harmless if used correctly."
True. It's used as a painkiller. I had it just prior to an operation. Did me no harm at all.
I'm grateful I had one or two teachers who were open, honest and objective about drugs.
Never had their own gear though. Always bloody smoked mine. Mind, fair trade I spose for letting me sit in their office at break, and skin up.
Concentrate on the important things at university: beer and birds.
Sage advice. It's very very unlikely you will get the same 'opportunities' ever again. Enjoy it while you can.
And don't worry about a 'career' ffs; there won't be any jobs when you come out of Uni anyway.
Careers advice:
'Get a good degree from a decent uni, it doesn't matter what subject, and you'll easily be able to get a well paid job, doing pretty much whatever you want to do' 
Agree uni beer/birds thing - definitely make the most of it.
If on a masters (like I was) a handy tip is to try to do well in year 3 so in the 4th year you have enough points in the bank to just **** it off and go all out on partying. Last year at uni was the best one, and one of the best years of my life!
There's no such word as "got"
You need to do extra maths
'Can you dig what I'm saying Mr Gardner?'
Followed a day later by my rather large father visiting the school and pinning him by the throat against a wall suggesting an apology would be in order. It never happened again!!
This wasn't a solitary incident and had been going on for a few weeks before I mentioned it to dad.
my rather large father visiting the school and pinning him by the throat against a wall
my dads bigger than...... oh! carry on
"What do you mean you don't intend to go to university to study chemistry? Why are you in my class, you'll not achieve anything unless you go to university........." as said by a knob of a chemistry teacher who couldn't get his head around the fact not everyone went to bed wanking over the periodic table at night.
I left school, became a nurse, and spent the next 3 years trying to pass my exams while surrounded by some very attractive women.
Aged 9 I was told I approached hard work with a minimalist attitude. Now in my thirties I still can't see why this is a bad thing.
a knob of a chemistry teacher who couldn't get his head around the fact not everyone went to bed wanking over the periodic table at night.
I like to keep the periodic table is easy sight of my wrist......
Aged 9 I was told I approached hard work with a minimalist attitude. Now in my thirties I still can't see why this is a bad thing.
Funny my wife has the same views. For me whenever there is a problem, I first of all work if someone else could do it, and then if not - work out the easist way of me doing it.
"If you want to know the simpliest way to do something, ask a lazy man"
quite a good one "you can do anything if you set your mind to it"
so far its true
I was told by my year head that it was pointless me doing my CSE (educated in the 70’s) as I would never be able to pass – and would never amount to much…
I now have a MSc and I’m a skilled and well respected Psychiatric Nurse – glad I never really listened to my teachers
"If you want to know the simpliest way to do something, ask a lazy man"
Whoah, whoah, whoah! I'm not lazy... I'm efficient!
At Uni, whilst studying Economics, we were taught all about efficiency. We were also told that, for every module, you only had to turn up to a seminar once every 3 weeks to avoid getting a black mark against your name. So, 3 modules per semester... the most efficient way to get a degree meant attending uni for just 1 hour a week.... happy days indeed!
..just looked up "reach around"... my, you do learn a lot on STW!
PM me sweetheart, I'll teach you a load more..
PE teacher: 'Remember if ever you need to run faster but don't think you can, just move your arms faster and your legs have to keep up'
I remembered this a few years ago while being chased by some dodgy yoof in London who was threatening to kick my head in.
Thank you Mr Richardson.
Dear old Miss Cumings; my best Primary school teacher, who pulled my reading age up from 5 to 13 in one year:
"I shall be very disappointed if you are not the first Man on Mars."
Nobody's beaten me to it..................yet
My first engineering lecturer at Tech College told our class that one of us would die in a motor cycle accident..............he was right 
PM me sweetheart, I'll teach you a load more..
I don't think she wants to know what you got up to at boarding school, Flashy... 
She might be a bit 'female' for that sort of thing, too.
Some good stuff here. As a trainee teacher I'll have to start coming up with my own words of "wisdom" to pass on...
"let that boy out of that headlock"......
'you really ought to try lsd one day' primary school teacher
Look Ernie, its a periodic table table 
"It is not possible to get an A at A-level Physics without doing any work" he said. He was wrong, but I think he knew that
School was not so good for me. They spent their entire time trying to force me to do stuff their way. They never tried to help me do it my way.
Classic daft PE Teacher once asked us to get into pairs of threes.
You'll never make a good living talking to people.
Have done exactly that for 20 years.
My year teacher told me on the day I left school that I would struggle to get a job cleaning the streets (a very uplifting man!).
I did an HND and then an engineering degree with his words always in my ears, and it still irritates me 25 years on. Mind you, maybe that was his aim, as I'm still wanting to do more things and prove him wrong. Perhaps I should just let it go now.......!!
Art Teacher* - "That's not how you paint! You're doing it all wrong!" (WTF? brush, paint, paper - put all 3 together in the style you want)
Physics Teacher - "Physics is a load of C**P! It's just a load of ideas that seem to work."
(*) He's the one I was convinced was in to boys, but actually got the boot for getting too close to girls.
My headmaster gave me some sound advice that I'll never forget.
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.
.
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"It's worth spending money on decent speakers" he said
Economics teacher in school report - 'He's no Keynes'.
My mum asked me who Keynes was 
"it's alright out of school hours" - Married techy teacher on snogging a very fit senior pupil at the previous nights school dance.
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