My nomination, watched it this weekend: “Maps To The Stars”.

David Cronenberg. The most hideously depressing load of hideous depression even more hideously depressing than the last hideously depressing thing I saw that was so hideously depressing, it was beyond hideous. And depressing.

Avoid.

I find the Guardian film reviews useful for this. If they give it 5 stars and go into raptures about it, then DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!. It will invariably be Swedish or Icelandic, with subtitles, possibly in black and white, feature people mumbling incoherently, long, lingering arty, yet pointless, camera shots, it will be spirit-crushingly depressing, and absolutely nothing at all will happen! Then it will end, and you’ll turn to each other and say WTF was that all about?!

It took me about 3 films, each of which seemed about a fortnight long, to realise that they’re just all like this

Can I add the Plague?

It will invariably be Swedish or Icelandic, with subtitles, possibly in black and white

Please tell me you’re joking?

Bad AIDS

I find the Guardian film reviews useful for this. If they give it 5 stars and go into raptures about it, then DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

Where were you when I was buying tickets for Inherent Vice ??

Casual Vacancy on the BBC. If you want to spend a while being needlessly harrowed then crack on, but the wife was watching it last night when I got home and I could only watch ten minutes of it before I had to either leave or kill myself.

Call The Midwife.

Its best for me if I rip my larynx out prior to it coming on.

Its dire. Lets take an issue that was once controversial (in the 50’s) and wrap some innocent midwifery around it.

Not above a bit of depressing and like my earnest films (really enjoyed Lincoln for instance) but the depressing + arty pretentiousness combo that seems to tickle the guardian’s G-spot is pretty much guaranteed to leave me cold.

Love it when they gush about how ‘important’ and ‘brave’ a film is when it’ll only ever be seen by a few film studies students in black roll-necks.

Casual Vacancy on the BBC

Just out of interest is the book as bad as the TV programme?

The 10 minutes I managed to watch came across as Midsummer Murders minus the sense of irony

Call The Midwife is not helped by having Miranda Hart who a) isn’t funny and b) can’t act.

I found The casual vacancy really depressing. Didn’t enjoy it at all. My wife was watching it too and really liked it. It didn’t seem to know where it was going or what it wanted to be. One aspect was comical, another really dry and another down right miserable. I was glad when it finished and I won’t be watching any more.

Lots of people pon Twitter were saying the TV adaptation is better than the book. Personally I found it a bit dark and uncomfortable, but good enough to watch again. I need to know the brother gets his comeuppance!

I love Call The Midwife, it reliably means I get at least one hour a week that the missus will leave me alone to fart about in Assasin’s Creed happily pretending to be a pirate.

I tried watching Ross Kemp on Extreme Gangs or something at the weekend, it’s pretty rubbish and depressing – plus I can’t stop doing bad impressions of this:

All the way through.

The plague

Cliches?

Mentioning the annoying pop-up ads (which I don’t suffer from thankfully).

Being burnt alive

Being captured by IS (which may lead to 2/ above)

Getting mugged

So many things to avoid, so little time

Saw bits of The Casual Vacancy last night while trying to work out how to switch off the Audio Description function on my telly.

God it was awful. Dreadful script adopted by dreadful acting and dire direction.

Can I add ‘Switching Audio Description on’ to the list of things to avoid as well please? Especially if you do it accident and can’t find any settings on the handset, on screen or any mention of it in the handbook for the TV or on-line.

That’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back again.

<EDIT>

Lots of people pon Twitter were saying the TV adaptation is better than the book.

**** me, the book must be really bad then
</EDIT>

Not read the Casual Vacancy, didn’t really know much about it until I saw the ten minutes of good people having their lives ruined, people being bastards and people being broken by drugs on telly and certainly won’t be reading it now. It was like Requiem for a Dream but without the humour and darkness.

Downton Abbey.

In fact, any of these period/costume dramas that the BBC seem intent on wasting my hard earned on.

It will invariably be Swedish or Icelandic, with subtitles, possibly in black and white, feature people mumbling incoherently, long, lingering arty, yet pointless, camera shots, it will be spirit-crushingly depressing, and absolutely nothing at all will happen! Then it will end

Sounds great!

Jupiter Rising in 2D. You need the 3D to remove the requirement for a coherent plot. Eddie Redmayne paying the bills like Alec Guiness in Star Wars.

Downton Abbey.

In fact, any of these period/costume dramas that the BBC seem intent on wasting my hard earned on.
Downton is ITV so you’ve saved a bit of money there 😉

I didn’t say it was on BBC, although my post could read that way, granted!. Are you saying BBC don’t make lots of this type of shite?.

Anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, that has the word “Reality” in it’s title should be shunned and reviled!

Anything with James Corden in.
Eastenders.
Dog eggs.
Virtually any reality TV show nowadays.
Pot holes.

I watched Margin Call last night. Initially I thought it was quite an interesting film, I was just waiting for it to get going when it finished!

dannybgoode – Member
Mentioning the annoying pop-up ads (which I don’t suffer from thankfully).

Being burnt alive

Being captured by IS (which may lead to 2/ above)

bloody jihaddii’s, will they stop at nothing, the west will surely crumble under the weight of more pop-up ads for expensive stuff.

*insert link to the article in todays guardian about high end, tablet specific advertising….. which i cant access as the new G website is so full of ads/pics the work browser wont load it.

ironing.

Yep. Casual Vacancy, watched 45 minutes and wondered why I was putting myself through it.

It felt like so!eone had watched Hot Fuzz and decided they didnt like humour so were going to make it drearly, dark and just plain odd.

Plaudits to the old lady wife of Michael Gambon, she was the most annoying character ive ever seen on Tv. She needed a good slap round the face with a big wet fish.

Are you saying BBC don’t make lots of this type of shite?.

Nah, just being pedantic. 😀

I was going to say, “Requiem for a Dream” but I watched it again a few nights ago and I’ve seen so many horrific things since the last viewing that it didn’t seem that bad anymore.
So just go ahead and watch it. Comedic 😀

OP, have you experienced much of David Cronenberg’s previous output?

I saw it at the weekend, and despite all the horror and madness on display, the most disturbing aspect for me was how rough John Cusack’s looking these days. It’s a mighty achievement to be the most messed-up looking actor in a film which also features Carrie Fisher.

I thought it was OK. Some good performances. Loses it a bit towards the end. The symbolism gets a bit heavy-handed, and some of the pivotal scenes ended-up being unintentionally funny.

Also features a lingering shot of a naked man with a very small wang. Don’t recall the actor’s name but I’d be surprised if he’s ever remembered for anything else after that.

Any programme with the word ‘American’,’battles’ or ‘wars’ in the title.

Penectomies.

Penectomies

ffs, should have read out loud before googling

at work?

I love the top of the wiki page on that,

“This page has some issues”

You’re not wrong there!

If nothing else, I’ve learned about the Skoptsy today. More things in heaven and earth and all that.

This very much looks like something to avoid:

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/02/16/american-tourist-gored-bull-biggest-wound-surgeon_n_6690956.html?utm_hp_ref=uk