…it's got apples hanging off it. 😳

haha! chop it down fruit timber is a lovely colour.

You need to see a doctor – go for PPH the Procedure for Prolapsed haemorroids – its quite painless

It does make me wonder what the hell is hanging off my apple tree and my peach tree. The plum tree is ok though.

Tree shopping at Aldi?

How'd you guess? Just did it for a wee experiment to see if they'd grow here. For the price of them you cant complain if they turn out to be the wrong type. Plum tree is old though.

we've got some kind of cherry tree in our front garden, heaving at the moment, but whatever animal tends to have a nibble, be it fox, pigeon, cat, whatever, ther always appears to be a trail of sick, so we never touch the things, anyone know their cherry tress

Appears there are cookers and eaters out there, but anything more threatening?

Pictures? I'll try!

I have a monster wild cherry tree. 60 feet I'd estimate. As soon as the cherries appear the pigeons crash through it like they were buffalo or something and then shit* these enormous cherry yoghourt shits all over my windscreen.

* technically these are pisses. Birds need to conserve water so the white bit of bird crap is actually very concentrated pee. The black bit is the crap. The red bit is the cherry – but you knew that.

That Pigeon poo will make a proper mess of the cars paintwork if you leave it on.

Nico- where were you all those years ago in University when I asked the question of one of my zoology lecturers 'do hens wee?'. I was given a bit of a hard time I seem to remember. Something to do with cloacas IIRC