And include Hampshires finest please… Primula Puke eater.

Cheese Facism, whatever next?

dlcvxii)Oh you might want to include Isle of Wight Blue. I swear I got off my tits on it last year after eating nearly half a pack in one session.

Don’t forget to include this –

bikebouy – MArmite? Branston? you are a very very very sick man.

dlcvxiv) The only pickled products present should be onions so strong that they actually make your face implode

Sage Derby must also be included, for creamy lovliness content

I Is Piky Me.. Branston wiv evryfink init.

One must simply read this you darlings.. IL seeks to find the worlds finest cheese.. MWA XX MWA XX (init)

null

You’ve a website dedicated to Cheese, no need to thank me (init)

personally I have a love/hate relationship with this place. Strange, I know.

If the host serves cheese straight from the fridge it’s beholden on the guests to take them outside and beat them roundly.

dlcvxiii) All cheese must be cubed and impaled with a chunk of pineapple on a cocktail stick 😀

dlcvxiii) All cheese must be cubed and impaled with a chunk of pineapple on a cocktail stick

“giggles to himself”

1) Always place the cheese in order of strength
2) Always eat the cheese in order of strength
3) Always cut the Roquefort or similar vertically, not horizontally.

Regarding rule #3, anyone who takes the centre bit with a cheeky ‘ooh, it’s the best bit’ gets stabbed in the face.

I’m with fennesz – anyone who cuts the nose off should be boiled alive.

DON’T CROSS CONTAMINATE KNIVES/BOARD AREA.

I don’t want to cut my nice cheddar with a knife that has been used to cut some smelly gooey mess.

The fact that you think there are rules for cheese 🙄 makes you all look a bit stupid in my opinion.

Regarding rule #3, anyone who takes the centre bit with a cheeky ‘ooh, it’s the best bit’ gets stabbed in the face.

Sent forth to ne’er return would suffice, but saying that, extreme violence wouldn’t be amiss.

xli) Include at a strict minimum one goat’s and one ewe’s cheese.
xlii) green apple and walnut are optional with roquefort, but is the answer to life the universe and everything.

emsz. Have you forgotten where you are. This is STW. There are rules for EVERYTHING! If you take away our carefully structured, middle class comfort blankets, our heads explode 😯

Regarding rule #3, anyone who takes the centre bit with a cheeky ‘ooh, it’s the best bit’ gets stabbed in the face.

this +100

Fruit has no place with cheese. Ever. It may, at a push, be used as a garnish to brighten a cheese board visually.

People who eat cheese with fruit in are just perverts!

LoLing at binners

What was I thinking!!

MMCXLVII – although they may be augmented by poncy shite, Cheddars and Tuc biscuits must be provided

1. Room temperature or get it to f@%k.

2. Carrs water biscuits must be served

3. You either try all the cheese or none.

If there are none of these around:

then you’ve made a frightful faux pas! Though I agree whole-heartedly with scaredypants – Cheddars and Tuc biscuits must be provided

Never, and I repeat NEVER cut the nose off Brie.
Quince paste is mandatory for any hard Spanish or Southern French cheeses.

MMCXLVIII – At least one of the riper Stiltons should have a vague tang of ammonia.

Re Cutting the nose off the cheese. Flogging’s too good for them.

Port – ruby and tawny (LBV or better) must be decanted and served at a proper temperature.

3 rules of the cheeseboard
1 – see that? it’s mine
2 – yup, that one too
3 – no, that’s crap, you can have it

Never, and I repeat NEVER get caught as you cut the nose off Brie

agreed

Cutting the nose of cheese? ❓

Is this another STW ism that’s going over my head?

Yes, It goes over mine too and we follow some of these “rules”..
Think it may have originated somewhere in the Arnarge..

It is rather stupid if you ask me.. I regularly chop it off and get a glowing stare back..

Oat cakes and Loch Arthur farmhouse cheddar

And smelly french cheese MUST be matured in the cheese house (shed)

Must be served with very strong pickled onions and or piccalli. Oh and really strong green apples. A good solid red wine to go with the cheese’s is a must as well.

Yes you will have bad dreams if you eat this in the couple of hours before you go to bed. 😳

Nice sweet-but-sharp dessert wine also has it’s place.

Babybel should be allowed at Christmas, since we’re celebrating the birth of the little baby cheeses…

…I’ll get me coat.

MMCXLVIX – no cheese shall come from a packet containing on or more other cheeses which are clearly of different types. Even if the cheeses are seperately wrapped. An exemption may be made for cheeses supplied as part of hamper where the cheese content has been specified by the purchaser.

The Southern Yeti – Member
xiii – cheddar, if served, must be packaged in wax.

Oh dear, oh dear…you sir, have exposed yourself as a pleb! Montgomery cheddar doesn’t come packaged in wax…nor does Keen’s. Perhaps sir would be happier with a Babybel?

In addition to grapes, quince jelly and figs, the board should be graced with Tracklements finest chilli jam.

Goes damn well with all cheese, but especially blue.

Celery will be banished
A slab of Shropshire Blue will be present

Quince paste is mandatory for any hard Spanish or Southern French cheeses.

Hard Spanish? Lastima, tanta ignorancia… Softish Spanish cheese, especially the gorgeously named Tetilla. And hardly paste, more of a hard jelly.

Tetilla:

XXXII) (I’ve lost count)

Stichelton is obligatory, unless you are in the club.

XXXIII)

Properly made red leicester is acceptable. Supermarket red leicester must be thrown at the person who bought it.