Just having a muse, bear with me.

In the last year or so I have moved from back-office, to the sharp end, as an IT PM, the experience thus far has been horrific, but that’s a topic for another day.

Naturally, dealing with client expectations, and complaints, is now a key part of my job. What has really struck me is just how bizarrely aggressive and irrational so many people seem to be when complaining about something.

I get two types in the main;

Passive aggressive – they don’t say anything to me, but will send, without any warning, a harshly worded missive to my boss, copying in 60 other people, not including myself.

Irrational over-reactors – will complain directly, and swiftly (often without warning), about any minor transgression, deviation, or similar, copy in large numbers of people, exaggerate or lie, draw wildly inappropriate conclusions about the project, my employer, me, and demand everything just short of public humiliation/execution as recompense.

I’ve had the latter today, which has cost me a morning to deal with. It felt, at times, like I was dealing with a child.

I suspect many who deal with customers are nodding in agreement, but this is new to me.

The thing is, I’m surprised this is so common, it’s not a way I would behave. Why do people react this way?
I’m obviously aware of the stereotype, but are we a nation of bad communicators?

Err…. yes.
I have at time taken a client to one side and told them that their conduct is unacceptable and as a professional I expect to be treated professionally. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

I’m obviously aware of the stereotype, but are we a nation of bad communicators?

What makes you think this is only a national problem?

Why do people react this way?

Because they’re tossers.

There’s two sides to this as there is an awful lot of fobbing off than goes on, too.

Why do people react this way?

Because they’re tossers.

😆

What makes you think this is only a national problem?

Well, was referring just in the context of the stereotype really. I have literally no idea what it’s like in other nations.

Totally the norm in my (IT channel sales/account management) line of work. Destroys the soul

Destroys the soul

Quite. I am mentally drained by friday.
I am planning to move on from this line of work as a consequence.

We had it today – a client’s IT company was sorting stuff out for them and a week ago asked us to alter a setting in their web hosting to deal with their emails on a new server (as we deal with their hosting).

We did it. Sorted.

Last night at 5.15 they called after realising they needed some more settings changed for remote access (something that *THEY* forgot all about). There was no-one in our office that could change it so they rang back again this morning dead on 9am ranting that we were delaying them, that the client wasn’t happy etc etc etc.

So – they &^$% up then rant at us to get them out of the sh*t.

(Ohh, then we find out that they told the client it was us that caused the problem – so I called our client to put them straight).

Knobbers.

So – they &^$% up then rant at us to get them out of the…

Welcome to my world 😥
but please add the constant, behind your back, whinging and blaming all the ills of the business on I.T.

barkm – Member

Destroys the soul

Quite. I am mentally drained by friday.
I am planning to move on from this line of work as a consequence.

Just mebbies you are not cut out for it then, just sayin like.

Welcome to dealing with humans.

as an IT PM, the experience thus far has been horrific..

Oh shit. I’m going from a tech job, to PM… not recommended then?

My view is, I’m not paid to be shouted and sworn at. Someone’s a bit stressy, fine, I get that, you’ve got to roll with the punches to an extent. But some people seem to feel that ranting at those who are trying to help them is the best way to get results and that’s unacceptable. They’ll get support only once they’ve sorted their shitty attitude.

Nah do it, might be a different culture, you never know.

TBH it’s not all hell and brimstone against a backdrop of whingers, some organisations take care in what they do and employ folks who see the same.

I’d go for it, really, it’s a great career to be IMO, especially Change.

I am so disappointed with this thread that I am going to email your boss copying in anyone who has ever posted, advertised or lurked on STW.

Well, was referring just in the context of the stereotype really. I have literally no idea what it’s like in other nations.

It’s the same in Spain at least. There’s not a lot I can add to njee20’s explanation.

South Korea is fun. I was never on the direct receiving end of a full-on rant (just a few bits of low-level “why are you so useless”), but the stories about them were legendary.

Apparently they would start out ranting in English, but then be so overcome with fury that they would switch to Korean, but such rude Korean that the translators would just stop translating and hang their heads in shame and embarrassment.

And then the next day all smiles and happy.

You might find that when they were sold your services that they were made a lot of promises regarding service, reliability, speed of response etc, Some or none of these might have been achievable.

Just mebbies you are not cut out for it then, just sayin like.

Exactly, I had worked that out. 🙂
It certainly isn’t for me, I have no issues admitting or accepting that. Just sayin like. 8)

As a supplier PM you are ultimately responsible for everything and any crap is going to end up coming your way. In terms of human behaviour there is so much going on, big egos wanting to get one over you, people covering their own arse and passing the buck, frustrated people constrained by ridiculous processes and corporate cultures, people with tiny minds and those who simply need to get out more.

Best thing is to detach yourself from it emotionally and accept you will meet a lot of nob heads along the way. Or find something more suitable.

as an IT PM, the experience thus far has been horrific..

Oh shit. I’m going from a tech job, to PM… not recommended then?

As bikebouy said, it’s almost entirely environmental. My problem is who I work for, and the nature of their business, and the way it treats its employees and clients really (at bid stage).

It is highly rewarding, but hard work.

As a supplier PM you are ultimately responsible for everything and any crap is going to end up coming your way. In terms of human behaviour there is so much going on, big egos wanting to get one over you, people covering their own arse and passing the buck, frustrated people constrained by ridiculous processes and corporate cultures, people with tiny minds and those who simply need to get out more.

Best thing is to detach yourself from it emotionally and accept you will meet a lot of nob heads along the way. Or find something more suitable.

This is great advice I think. I haven’t quite got to detachment yet, more of a rabbit in headlights astonishment at the psychological shitstorm that consumes my every working day.

Phew! 🙂

So much in life i see people complaining in a way that is juat a moan.

If you want a problem fixed the best way is to spell it out.

“i’m not happy with X, i would like Y”.

I have at time taken a client to one side and told them that their conduct is unacceptable and as a professional I expect to be treated professionally.

Isn’t that your pimp’s job?

Why do people react this way?

It’s the world we’ve created where everything has to be perfect all the time. What makes it worse is that it’s hard to simply ignore a complaint (aka sod off) so the slightest imperfection in someone’s world suddenly has credence and importance and it has to be dealt with by the book

The “art of complaining” is… IMHO of course, something like this approach:

1. Key fact (The “battering ram” indisputable fact that you keep going back to if they interupt you or present a counter argument. Something like for example “I feel like you’ve let me down”).
2. Build your case (How much is this hurting? What exactly do you want the other party to do about it? Never, ever leave it as an open question like “so what are you going to do about it?”)
3. Consequences (Spell out what will happen if you can’t resolve the issue to your satisfaction)
4. Closed question (This is how we can resolve this … so will you do this for me?)
5. Keep it personalised throughout. Build the relationship, so that they’ve got emotional involvement and maybe empathy… then make it feel like that relationship is under threat)

What you describe is not very effective complaining at all.
emailing a long list of “cc”s is just plain unhelpful and undermines your ability to leverage the relationship.
Some folk need to learn to complain more effectively 😈

I had a pre-written one for this, detachment is my tool of choice: “If you would come and discuss this with me it will be resolved, if you simply email the world not including me it won’t.”
Most people can’t complain and/or can’t accept that to make the world go round you need a bit of harmony.

Tell you what though, there is no greater pleasure than finding out the complainer is in the wrong, and has/hasn’t done something they should/n’t have, going to their shouty email, with all and sundry CC’d, and clicking ‘reply to all’…

😈

@Ecky Thump, building realtionships is fine, empathy is fine, but emotional involvement doesn’t need to be a part of project mgmt in my humble opinion. This is partly self preservation because all the sniping and complaining can get to you. Developing a thick skin and learning not to care ‘too much’ will get you home feeling a bit less battered.

Everyone who works in any kind of customer service role will tell you that the Great British Public are not that great. Passive aggression, bullying and tantrums quite normal.

I think it’s worse when it’s something they don’t understand and can’t do anything about e.g. IT, cars, public transport etc. Plus there’s a fair degree of existential stress around at the moment.

I remember when I started work (mid-90s) people would be less pleasant down the phone than face to face. So much communication now is non-face to face… there’s a real lack of empathy. I don’t think people realise they’re ruining another human being’s day…

I think the driver/cyclist thing is similar – a total lack of empathy and understanding that the ‘other’ that you’re ranting and raving at and attacking, is actually a real-life human being with flesh, feelings, family and friends etc…

A large part of my job is clearing up after IT PMs. At our place there is such a focus on technical implementation, that any sort of wrap is out of the window.

Suppose it keeps me busy 😀