#1: at least they don't feel moved to ring cathedral bells (badly) to at once announce their credulity and lack of coordination!

What a bleeding racket 🙁

Ha you are in central Lancaster too then? I hate those bloody bells. I wonder if I claimed it was part of religion to play loud dance music with my windows open all hours of the day it would be allowed?

Ha you are in central Lancaster too then?

yes 🙁

Campanologists should stick to what they know best – tents! And not be messing around with bells and stuff like that.

When I was a wee fecker at school, we had to go and do the Angelus (not very complicated – one bell – 3 rings, pause, three rings, pause, three rings, pause, nine rings) every few weeks when the parish clerk was on holidays or ill. It was me and my best mate Ricky. Bloody nightmare it used to be…the two of us getting pulled up into the bell tower on the end of the rope. The whole parish would hear any cock up and we'd get a belt from the teacher if we messed it up. And I'm also remembering the psycho jack russell that would tear down the avenue to the church to start nipping at our arses while we were doing it too. Happy days.

2. You don't have to go to Christenings.

I don't think I've had a more boring two hours of my adult life than the last one I went to.

3. You don't have to go to church.

4. You never have to mumble along to obscure hymns that you don't know the words of.

you can live a life full of debauchery and not give a care….. or is that catholicism? just pop into confession and come out and be a complete bastard again because your sins have been forgiven.

4. You don't have to eat fish on Fridays

just pop into confession and come out and be a complete bastard again

Hilarious :o)

5. You can take the lords name in vain.

6. Weddings dont have to last several hours with hymns n stuff

7. Sunday mornings are for sh@gging and hangovers, not dressing up and singing.

you're mentally unencumbered. you're a free man…..

Do atheists not believe in some right old bollocks too?

7b) you treat this life as if it's the only one you're going to get.

8. You don't have to give any money to religious institutions. Although you still subsidise them indirectly. 🙂

yes

I wouldn't mind if they played a nice tune or something.

I have a friend who is going out with someone who used to be a Jehovah's witness – his whole family have now disowned him because he no longer believes. Very christian. 😡

7. Sunday mornings are for sh@gging and hangovers, not dressing up and singing

Oi! Keep your alcohol propaganda for your own thread! Anyway, my Sunday mornings are taken up dragging my reluctant carcase into the wide cathedral of Nature on my bike…

just pop into confession and come out and be a complete bastard again because your sins have been forgiven

Aha, you're not entirely familiar with how confession works are you? Unless you're sorry for the sins and are truly not intending (really…because Jesus knows) to commit them again, then sorry, no forgiveness.

Jeez, which reminds me of all the bunkum which was indoctrinated into us before our First Holy Communion. We were shitting ourselves going in for our first confession…"bless me father for i have sinned…then you'd go through the list…I'm sorry for being disobedient at home, I'm sorry for stealing the last biscuit out of the tin, I'm sorry for not wiping my arse after a particularly messy shit". The the priest would give you a lecture about what a despicable little sod you'd been, tell you to say two Hail Marys, an Our Father and a Glory Be. I still remember the feeling of complete relief when you'd come out of the confessional though. Certainly took a load off…

EDIT: Bear in mind that we were 6 or 7 years old when we were being told what evil little feckers we were for the first time. And all though the years I never once confessed to a bit of hand shandying. I know one fellow who claimed he did and he got nearly a whole rosary to say from the priest. He was in the church all night on his knees.

7b) you treat this life as if it's the only one you're going to get.

good point. You get the wonder of life, and what do you want ? More and better. I call that greedy 🙁

9) Stoner will take your ability to reason and make decisions seriously

🙂

I'm sorry for being disobedient at home

yeah, I used to feel guilty for having such unimaginative sins…

11) You don't get fettled by the priest.

I wouldn't mind if they played a nice tune or something.

can that be done with bells ?

12) You're automatically distanced from idiots like Young Earth Creationists, Muslim fundamentalists and anyone else who might take your beliefs as an endorsement of their own twisted worldview.

Oi! Keep your alcohol propaganda for your own thread!

will do, didn't see you arguing on the sh@gging point though 😉

9. there is no nine (apparently)

13) Theres a fighting chance you'll retain your foreskin

yeah, I used to feel guilty for having such unimaginative sins…

That was the thing…you'd go in with the usual list, but then you'd try and spice it up with something juicy towards the end…just different, like a bit of petty underwear thievery from the spinster's washing line next door…but not serious prayer time stuff like shoplifting or taking the Lord's name in vain or anything like that…

11) You don't have to sh@g a priest.

Some of the priests in my parish were rather handsome!

didn't see you arguing on the sh@gging point though

I may be almost tee-total but stupid I ent (though ernie disagrees)

11) slight doubt, as you've been wrong on stuff before and eternity is a very long time (glup).

sh1t I'm slow

12. You can knock one out without going to hell.

13.) Fossil collecting and radiometric dating won't cause any existential angst.

You can knock one out without going to hell

Unless you confess it and intend not to do it again.

14) You can take comfort in the fact that whatever happens to you, it has a rational explanation, rather than being the work of an all-powerful supernatural being with a very sick sense of humour.

15) You can shout "oh God, I'm coming", without anyone thinking you're about to die.

eternity is a very long time

and there's no time off for good behaviour in Heaven 🙁

EDIT: Bear in mind that we were 6 or 7 years old when we were being told what evil little feckers we were for the first time

Nice, there's a reason enough really.

Im with Calvin & Hobbes on this.

Why would anyone want to spend eternity with billions of do-gooder christians in heaven, when everyone knows all the slutty girls are in hell.

16. You don't have to clutter you house up with crappy little statues and Goddy pics.

I am partial to little country churches (and several hymns). But I enjoy them much in the way that I enjoy visiting National Trust properties.