tell me it will get better, wife has gone

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tell me it will get better, wife has gone

89 posts & 48 voices | Started 2 years ago by flatback | Latest reply from enduro-aid

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BigDummy - Member

You just can not make such final decisions and disappear.

I have just left my wife. She thinks I suddenly made a final decision and just disappeared. I thought I was trying to get through to her for about 2 years that we could not possibly carry on as we were. I thought I'd said everything that could possibly be said and that it could hardly be a surprise when I announced I was going. She felt very differently.

We may be able to have the conversation at some point in the future when we are both actually listening, but I am not hugely tolerant of having it over and over again at the moment when she will not or cannot listen, or believe what she is hearing and I cannot believe she only just realised that I had been desperate for ages.

Posted 2 years ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

Sorry to hear that BigDummy. Presumably she is in denial?

Posted 2 years ago #
joolsburger - Member

Not judgemental at all, she has left the guy without a decent explaination and I'm just suggesting that spending the next few weeks analysing what went wrong is less productive than getting on with life and trying to forget it.

Sounds like nothing was actually "done" but that two people just drifted apart, the blame game is a waste of time IMHO what's the point??

To be completely straight I've always believed the best way to get over a woman is to get "over" another!

Posted 2 years ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

OK, I'll come clean. I did a similar-ish thing a couple of years ago after decades of marriage. Mid-life crisis, call it what you will. Not proud of how I went about it and still live with the guilt, to a certain degree.

Posted 2 years ago #
wavydave - Member

sometimes having a "why?" helps bring closure. Even if you don't get back together understanding where it went wrong can help bring a sense of reality to the proceedings. As i have previously said i still don't know "why" my ex ended it especially i thought she had everything we both wanted. 2 years down the line i have given up on finding the reason as at some point you have to accept it and move on. However i think dismissing it straight from the outset is a bad idea, cos it will come back and bite you on the a**e.

Given it was such a long relationship the OP can't just get on with it so soon. No he can't spend forever analysing it, and it may well be that they have drifted apart, or he hit the nail on the head with the work pressure, trying for a baby thing, but the poor so and so deserves an explanation if that what he wants.

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

OK, I'll come clean. I did a similar-ish thing a couple of years ago after decades of marriage. Mid-life crisis, call it what you will. Not proud of how I went about it and still live with the guilt, to a certain degree.

...but the hours of get-to-know-you sex made up for that?

Posted 2 years ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

Wavydave - hurrah that man! Well said.

hora - really. I couldn't possibly comment!

Posted 2 years ago #
deadlydarcy - Member

He doesn't need the reality of a comment cg.

He's already raw from the fantasy

Posted 2 years ago #
muddydwarf - Member

As someone up there said, it rarely comes out of the blue - it's rather that you weren't listening/didn't want to listen to your partners unhappiness.

I know that's what i did. I stuck my head in the sand and talked her into giving it another go. 12 months down the line and it all went wrong again because nothing had really changed. It almost destroyed me, i even found myself in tears outside the local B&Q contemplating buying a rope & i had absolutely no idea of how i got there!
Thing is, almost 18 months after the fact & i can now slowly acknowledge some of the things that were wrong. It wasn't all my fault but neither was i an innocent victim in the breakup. She was obviously unhappy for a very long time (she told me that even when she agreed to marry me she hadn't loved me for around 2yrs) but i was to stupid to take notice & she was too cowardly to do owt about it.

There is no easy or quick fix i'm afraid. You have to grieve because it IS a bereavement - your relationship has died and it needs mourning before you can come out the other side. How you do this depends on your personality i suppose.
Good friends are vital though, i had people who were prepared to drive down from NW Cumbria to Rochdale at the drop of a hat because they thought i wasn't going to live out the night (obviously i'm typing this from the OTHER SIDE...)

It will get better though, believe us when we say this.

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

CG I have witnessed this sort of fun. Retired now though

Posted 2 years ago #
cinnamon_girl - Member

hora - the love of my life is my Litespeed. Don't think many men could cope with being second-best

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

The love of my life is:
Bingo
MrsHora
Logan
Dixon's Ice Cream

Everything else comes and goes.

Posted 2 years ago #
Ti29er - Member

still miss my ex. I can be moved to poetry and the deepest, darkest ache deep in my soul.

Hora.
How do you reconcile this?
It makes Mrs H sound very 2nd best!

Plus, you're supposed to be shedding those extra stones in weight you've piled on, so how come you still eat high fat junk food?!

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

You have never had Dixons Ice cream. I hate all ice cream but Dixon's. mrshora reckons its because they use condensed milk(?) in their ice cream.

Wierd and lush.

You've also never met Bingo

Posted 2 years ago #
Ti29er - Member

Tried Bingo once on a windswept, wet promenade at Lowestoft in October aged 16. I did not win the holiday for two in sunny Bognor.
Ice cream is FPF (fat peoples' food), so not something I've tried.

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2220636177&v=info

http://www.qype.co.uk/place/344638-Dixons-Milk-Ices-Lockwood

Posted 2 years ago #
Ti29er - Member

Icecream today, + choc' dip next week, then it's a full-on decent into the depths of full-fatness & lo! you can't fit on your bike any more.

PS - Aren't we supposed to helping this guy out his black hole here?!

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

Ice cream and the simple pleasures of life always help

Posted 2 years ago #
enduro-aid - Member

similar thing happened to me 4 year relationship and she decided on the 2nd night of a 2 week holiday that she wanted to end it and that was it!

not the best timing

It hurt like hell and iwent to a bad place with drink etc for a couple of months but then I decided to sort myself out gave myself a focus (bike) and started going out with proper friends, now 3 years on im happier than i have ever been, got a new girlfriend and I am better on a bike than I ever was. it took 6 months to start the healing process but it did start and it will start for you too

Posted 2 years ago #

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