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tell me a joke or something funny...
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Posted 12 months ago #
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Jean-Claude, Pierre and Henri are taking a walk through the french countryside. Jean-Claude looks over a hedge into a field, gasps and says "Mon Dieu! Pierre, come here! Look. There is a man in the field who is making love to a dead woman."
Pierre looks over hedge "Sacre bleu! you are right. Henri! Come here. Look. There is a man in the field who is making love to a dead woman".
Henri walks over, looks over the hedge, takes off his glasses, gives them a wipe, puts them back on, takes another look and says "You are mistaken, mes amis. She is not dead. She is English".Posted 12 months ago # -
I went to the doctors the other day.
I said "Doctor, I keep dreaming of the green green grass of home"
"Aah, you`ve got Tom Jones syndrome" he says.
"Is that common"
"It`s not unusual"Posted 12 months ago # -
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light buld really has to want to change.Posted 12 months ago # -
One day an english bloke was driving aroung the backblocks of
Sydney one day, when he saw a little girl in the paddock next to
him. With the little girl was a gigantic bull, that was
preparing to gore the little girl.The Pom took action. He slammed on the brakes of his car, jumped
out, ran over and jumped the barbed wire fence, grabbed the bull
by it's horns, flipped it over and broke it's back.An Aussie reporter saw the whole thing, and after the bull was
dead (not being aware that the guy was english) he rushed over
to congratulate him."That was absolutly bloody fantastic mate! It'll make front page
news, just give me your details,"So the Pom gives him his details. A day later he buys the
newspaper and looks at the headline. It reads POMMY BASTARD
KILLS CHILDS PET.Posted 12 months ago # -
how many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to hold his
cockladderPosted 12 months ago # -
I was called into the managers office today because of my dress code. He said 'You cant wear pyjamas for work' I said 'Everyone else does' He shouted 'Thats because their f*%$ing patients'
Posted 12 months ago # -
like scaredypants mucho.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Posted 12 months ago #
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When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks.
The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question.
His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon.
When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give
to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts
said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said.
The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing
the translator relayed the message:"Watch out for these assholes. They have come to steal your land."
Posted 12 months ago # -
old chinese proverb
man who confuse laxative with viagra.....
crap in bed
Posted 12 months ago # -
crimewatch has told me but one thing.... avoid people with fuzzy faces.
Posted 12 months ago # -
Posted 11 months ago # -
I answered the phone at work today.
A voice said "Is that the local bus depot ?"
I said "It depends where you're calling from"Posted 9 months ago # -
Wife's been missing 2 weeks and police have told me to expect the worst. So I've been to the charity shops to ask for her clothes back.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Was in the pub with the missus and said 'I love you'. That's just the beer talking she says. No, I said, it's me talking to the beer.
Posted 9 months ago # -
Why can't you see elephants playing hide and seek in trees?
Because there very good at it.Posted 9 months ago # -
me & the mrs were sitting in the living room and i said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." So she unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer....
Posted 9 months ago #
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