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Some Parenting advice please

44 posts & 21 voices | Started 2 years ago by TheLittlestHobo | Latest reply from theotherjonv

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TheLittlestHobo - Member

My 6yr old son is having a bit of a rough time at football atm. He loves to play football and if he isnt playing outside, he is kicking his little sisters teddies around as makeshift footballs in the house. It helps that i love football too. No issues there then.

Well it wouldnt be other than the fact that he is ALWAYS crying at football. Gets tackled, he crys. Miss kicks, he crys. Last nights game was the last straw as i saw two 6yr olds nearly having fisty cuffs and he actually started arguing with the ref. You will note that i have made no comments about his ability. Truth be told he has more ability than i ever had but i just want him to enjoy it if thats what he wants to do. I know a lot of that is down to kids behaviour but its getting serious.

I have tried telling him off. Doesnt work. I have tried a smacked bum (After he kicked someone out of frustration). Doesnt work. I have tried discussing it with him man to man. Doesnt work. I have tried taking away toys. Doesnt work. I have tried ignoring it and being nice to him. Doesnt work.

Got home from football last night and i just told him thats it, i am not taking him to football again. Its getting me down.

Thing is he loves football. He just runs about with a grumpy head on when he is playing. When we are just kicking about he is fine and his tricks are fantastic.

Any advice.

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

Sounds to me like someone who likes the ball but doesnt like the competition. I never minded kicking a ball about with my mates, but hated school football because everyone else takes it so seriously and I felt inferior if I did even the slightest thing wrong, and angry if anyone else did.

Posted 2 years ago #
Gee-Jay - Member

Does he do it if you are not there?

My 7 year old howls if ever I tell him off ... shouting or just sounded exasperated but does not appear to do it if I am not there. So it could be for your benefit rather than anything else

Posted 2 years ago #
meikle_partans - Member

sounds like he is taking it too seriously and has elevated competition to 'the most important thing on earth' and therefore cant cope with anything going wrong. dont have a solution for you but have noticed it with all ages in football from tiny to adult. theres a lot of shouting at your own teammates like a spoilt child goes on in football.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Sounds to me like someone who likes the ball but doesnt like the competition

That probably true.

Does he do it if you are not there?

My 7 year old howls if ever I tell him off ... shouting or just sounded exasperated but does not appear to do it if I am not there.

Does it when i am not there as well. I just get the fall out when i get home

Posted 2 years ago #
Gee-Jay - Member

I guess too much emotion / stuff going on in his head that he cant deal with any other way ... that probably doesnt help you deal with it though

Posted 2 years ago #
snowslave - Member

Does this only happen when he's playing football?

Posted 2 years ago #
Scienceofficer - Member

Telling off has to be supported by withdrawal of privileges. If he can't see any come back other than a bit of lip from you, there's no dis-incentive.

Calm and reasoned explanation of why he's not getting those sweets, play at a friends house, going to football that week, tv or games time, plus some serious patience from you when he kicks off means after a while he'll understand that unacceptable behaviour causes him to lose out on the things he likes.

Works for my two anyway.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

sounds like he is taking it too seriously and has elevated competition to 'the most important thing on earth' and therefore cant cope with anything going wrong. dont have a solution for you but have noticed it with all ages in football from tiny to adult. theres a lot of shouting at your own teammates like a spoilt child goes on in football.

Thats exactly how it feels. I spent all last week just asking him to run around with a smile on his face and have a laugh. He was untill another kid accidentally ran into the back of him and he flipped.

Posted 2 years ago #
69er - Member

I don't think this is about the football. Sounds like a confidence issue to me.

Just confirms parenting is the toughest job in the world. And for which you get no training whatsoever.

I do hope someone can shed some light on this. As a parent of a 19 and 16 year old, my advice would be to never get angry or physical with them. Don't put them under any pressure, just guide them neutrally. Remember what you want for them isn't necessarily what they want.

Patiently encourage and reward them with praise when it's warranted. Good luck.

Posted 2 years ago #
sofatester - Member

Sounds like a Pro in the making!

Posted 2 years ago #
StirlingCrispin - Member

Should kids even be playing football games at that age?

He's six - let him enjoy just kicking a ball around.

(father of a three-year old so no idea what I'm talking about other than the kid over the road has exactly the same issues as your boy)

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Discussed this with his mum last night. I am wondering if its down to us as well. If we argue in front of the kids maybe its giving bad vibes out. Have asked her to consider when we are in front of the kids how we talk etc.

Its not just when he is playing football. We had exactly the same problems with his swimming and we even get it when he doesnt want to do stuff like having a shower (This morning). He will take a telling off rather than do something he doesnt want to do. We have doen the taking toys off him thing and that doesnt work. He was extremely naughty once and i binned his favourite nintendo game. Didnt make a jot of difference.

Not making him look too good here am i. On the flip side he is one of the most sensible 6yr olds i have ever come across. You would happily give him loads of responsibility and he wouldnt let you down. He is great with his sister and a great mate to me. School work is fantastic and he even likes mountain biking. Its just his attitude when things dont go his way

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Sounds like a Pro in the making!

I nearly ran on the pitch and carried him off when he ran up to the ref and told him to give another player a yellow card

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Should kids even be playing football games at that age?

He's six - let him enjoy just kicking a ball around.

(father of a three-year old so no idea what I'm talking about other than the kid over the road has exactly the same issues as your boy)

Honestly, its run in the most uncompetative manner. What do i do though. Pull hinm away from all his mates so he misses out on that because its deemed competative?

Posted 2 years ago #
cpon - Member

Miss kicks, crying, fighting and falling over.

Are you Chritiano Ronaldo's dad?

Posted 2 years ago #
ski - Member

Does he play much park football with his friends? Might not be so competitive and the fun factor might be greater.

I have the opisite problem, my 6 year old lass, she is football mad, don't know why because we are into Rugby here.

But she finds the boys don't want to play/pass to her and they get upset when she scores or messes up. She is quite a chilled cookie though and it does not seem to faze her.

Its the parents that get stressed if you ask me, I hate the sideline shouting, some of them are vile.

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

Tough call on this one, glad I'm not a parent!

Posted 2 years ago #
iDave - Member

you're not his mate you're his parent

boys tend to see life as a video tape, that they know what is supposed to happen next and when it happens they can't cope

take him away from football for a while and make sure he knows why

Posted 2 years ago #
cpon - Member

I think he need a foot balling hero, a real life Roy of the Rovers. Then when you see him playing up, ask him if his hero would do that.

Posted 2 years ago #
barca - Member

See if you can get hold a dvd of some of the old greats (Bobby Moore et.al) and watch with him and talk to him about the great skills they had and how they behaved on the pitch and how everybody liked them more because they were gents on the pitch with ace skills. Give him a more positive role model than say, Craig Bellamy.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Does he play park football with his mates?

Bloomin eck, morning day & night. We bought our house because it has a grass area in front idea to let the kids play out. I end up playing with him when his mates dont. He really does enjoy his football.

I have even started playing again after 8yrs away. He comes with me every sunday and loves the crack with the other blokes. He even comes and sits at the pub with me and watches footy with me. Its great fun and he loves it.

Then he gets on a pitch and he turns into a monster who is either kicking, arguing or crying. With some football in there as well.

Posted 2 years ago #
coffeeking - Member

Think I have to agree with iDave a bit though, you're a parent, not a mate. If you fall too far into the role of mate in his eyes your parenting will be less interesting to him.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

He loves Torres & Gerrard who (Other than the brush with the law) are about as good as it gets with current players.

Posted 2 years ago #
sofatester - Member

think he need a foot balling hero, a real life Roy of the Rovers. Then when you see him playing up, ask him if his hero would do that.

Good luck finding one that is not good at
Miss(ing) kicks, crying, fighting and falling over

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Believe me i am one of the strictest parents i know. If i say something, i mean it. But he doesnt respond to telling off anymore and he doesnt respond to losing out either. I have done the straight talking and the nice approach.

I kinda decided last night that his football gets kicked into touch for a month and we will take it from there. Just hoped there may be an alternative

Posted 2 years ago #
barca - Member

'Should he be even playing at age 6?'

I used to scout for Wrexham FC and I wouldn't go to a match if they were over 15. Nearly all the games I scouted were under 10's, there's not nuch point going to older games as anybody showing potential would be on school boy terms with a club already.

Even at age 6, the parents have been approached by the bigger clubs and although not signed, a whisper in their ear from a premier league club scout and you've no chance.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

I am not even remotely interested in his ability tbh. If he runs about with a smile on his face i am happy.

I played football seriously (Trials with a few clubs and was at my local team till i left school). It isnt something i really wanted my son involved in. Thats why i jacked in football for so long and took up biking.

Agree with monksie though. There are a couple of kids at the club who even at 6yrs old, are head and shoulders above the others in terms of natural ability. It would be wasted if they didnt get the chances.

Posted 2 years ago #
boobs - Member

At our rugby club we give the kids and parents a card at the beginning of the season with acceptable behaviours expected from both the kids and the parents. If they can't stick to the rules the result is they are asked to leave. For the kids bad behaviour results in a "sin bin" for 2 minutes followed by one more then they are taken out of the session. The coaches are there to teach not babysit. My brother has just packed in football coaching as the behaviour upset him so much. (Mainly from the parents)

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

I have all the club rules and all of the same principles are covered. Its not as though i am passing him onto someone else. I take full resposibility for his actions and i would love a working solution.

I have tried the taking him off when he cries. Last night he missed out on the end of match penalty kicks and had to stand by himself away from the pitch watching because of his behaviour. Result - Not a difference

Posted 2 years ago #
wwaswas - Member

Is this behaviour limited to football or does it come out in other things as well (but maybe less)?

If it's just the football then I'd suggest the stopping for a month approach and see if it calms him down.

Also, maybe get someone from the club that he respects/will listen to to have a conversation with im - even if they say the same things as you it might make more difference coming from athird party. Or maybe arrange for him to be sent off a few times and he'll get the message?

if it were my boy and just one activity I'd stop him going until he was old enough to cope with the frustration that he clearly feels when doing it.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Its not just in football. He can have the same response when doing anything tbh. As i mentioned earlier, it happened at swimming. He never has responded to nice talk. In most things that are a challeneg to him or boring to him he needs to be told firmly.

The getting someone else to talk to him may be an idea. Will mention it to the club chairman as he is a really sound bloke and my lad likes him.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

I am making my kid sound awfull here. He really is a nice little lad. Caring, loving and active. He has a huge group of diverse friends who are always around at the house playing. He is a proper little boy who is learning what he can and cant do which i understand can frustrate.

I just want to solve this dilemma which seems to be following anything that is a challenge to him

Posted 2 years ago #
nimrod2410 - Member

Hi, sounds like something I go through every Saturday.
I coach kids from 5 upwards including my 6 year old.
What you are describing is exactly how my boy reacts. I think it is a confidence thing.
They know what to do and have the ability to perform but silly things get the better of them and they become frustrated.
Boys at 6 years are immature compared to girls and I bet 1000's of dads around the country feel like you, but stick with it.
I see them all, great kids with fantastic potential, through to the worst of the worst, but it's all about enjoyment first and foremost.
Dont stop taking him,concentrate on the positive things he does and I bet given a little time he will change.

Posted 2 years ago #
TheLittlestHobo - Member

Thanks nimrod (And everyone else).

Posted 2 years ago #

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