since we split

hmmmmm.

What you got planned for your London trip? Chilled?

Exactly what I thought, I found out from him the ground work was played before the split though. I know it’s wrong but he’s shitting himself about what I might do.

He’s married, his wife is having an affair apparently. Well she won’t like this nugget when it comes out.

I’m going to see my sister, stay with her and enjoy the sights. And figure out a clear path away from this mess.
I’m incredibly disappointed in her if I’m honest. I thought she was a better person, clearly I was wrong.

I have no doubt this will explode in their faces, I care little, I’ll be there for my step-kids, but she can go smoke a shotgun for all I care.

Well, interesting times. Seems she’s fallen for a bloke at work. A guy I was a bit suspicious about, been going on pretty much since we split.

Oh, bollocks. Sorry to read that mate. That’s proper sh1t.

one day you will feel pity for the guy now dabbling with your ex.

I know it’s wrong but he’s shitting himself about what I might do.

Enjoying life, reclaiming your old hobbies, spending better more focused time with your children and a much better sex life while never looking back. Why would he be worried about that?

Well, interesting times. Seems she’s fallen for a bloke at work. A guy I was a bit suspicious about, been going on pretty much since we split.

*cough* 😉

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/so-my-marriage-just-ended-now-what/page/3#post-7306471

Seems she’s fallen for a bloke at work. A guy I was a bit suspicious about, He’s married, his wife is having an affair apparently. Well she won’t like this nugget when it comes out.

Wow, what a nest of vipers! In my (admittedly limited) experience people who quite happily cheat on their spouse with someone else’s aren’t exactly the best bet for a trusting, stable ’til death do us part’ matrimony. They tend to be serial offenders, you’re better shot of her.

I’m sure this hurts like hell right now but at least you’ve kept your self-respect intact, try to keep it civil and if she’s unable to do so try not to sink to her level. In time you may come to see this as more of a lucky escape.

If you find yourself getting angry, just try to remember that, as George Herbert once wisely said: “Living well is the best revenge” nothing will wind her up more than you happily getting on with life whilst she’s stuck with some bed-hopping tosser who she can barely let out of her sight.

Good luck

Mate feel for you I really do, ex long term GF of mine fell for another bloke on holiday – it hadn’t been going well between us, she hadn’t been making much effort, but I wasn’t expecting that! Pretty sh*tty 6 months ensued with us (well mostly me) trying to patch things up, failing and then moving apart. At times I was distraught but don’t forget it will get better, takes a while though and there will be many ups and downs along the way.

Chin up dude, it will be hard, it may not feel like it right now but you’re better off without her. Think of it as a challenge, a challenge to get over her and become a better person. Might be easier for you, as well (harsh as it seems) to temporarily cut contact with her kids also.

I’m now happier than I’ve ever been and look back and laugh about that time in my life. My ex is not with that other bloke now, it was only ever a fling but strangely when she’d seen I’d got on with my life, that I was going on dates with other girls and had put it behind me she contacted me and wanted me back. I did pop round and ‘lend her a sausage’, purely for old time’s sake you understand, but declined anything further going forward.

I’m surprisingly calm about all of this. Maybe the turmoil is coming. Who knows.

Frankly I don’t have much to add, seems like some pretty solid advice here. I only wish I had this option when my wife of 18 years left a couple of years ago. I went through the first two weeks of hell, discovering different things every day, until I didn’t really know which way was up. I was, I’m not afraid to admit, broken into little pieces.

Friends are essential. For me playing the guitar helped too, just something to keep the mind occupied. I have three kids 14, 12 and 11 and we mamnged in the end to be pretty amicable about the whole thing, with a 50/50 share of the kids. (also being in france, if it’s 50/50 there’s no paying money every month… quite helpful for me, if not for you – sorry)

Now, i’m with someone who (remarkably) loves me as I am, I have a great relationship with my kids, or normal anyway, and I’ve learn’t to enjoy the time to myself that I have.

Assuming that you can manage to stay civil, (you’ll probably need to swallow most of what you want to say), kids seem to adapt quickly, faster than us I’d say, just beware of talking down your ex in front of them, I’ve seen it happen now several times and it never works out well for anyone.

One last thought. Even if it does get better/easier, don’t be surprised if every now and again you find yourself seething with ****ing rage over something said or done (or not done). Take a breath and take the long term view and it’ll pass. one step at a time.

Yeah, I was just getting to a bit of even ground and this shit has pushed me back down the hill. Bollocks!

I don’t have anything helpful to contribute, but I admire the exemplary manner in which you have conducted yourself.

It’s the only thing I can do. Be there for the kids and keep shit even. I’ve had problems in my past and our marriage, this is a significant event for me to start making some positive steps. This ‘affair’ is the closure I think I needed to move forward.

Chances are this will blow up in their faces, even though I’m getting the blame for it by her, she seems to forget that his and her friends will car little for her stories. She’ll be a home wrecking slapper. Nothing can change that.

What happened to her ex who she had the kids with?
Did she do the dirty on him as well.

No, he did on her. Ironic really. Ah well, time to move on.

Moose, YGM…

Dave