(New name) Early this year I got diaognosed with chronic leukaemia, it came as a shock, but I carried on as normal and now it’s hitting home. I told family and friends about it straight away which sort of made it go away for a bit, but now I feel as if I’m slipping down to darker places than I’ve been before.
I’ve never been very sociable, just ride with a few mates and try to avoid large groups but I’m now finding people very difficult to tolerate in work and at home and I’m now trying to avoid people all together. When I do mix I have nothing at all to say and try to leave.
I have a small supportive family who are really worried but I keep getting short tempered with them too.
The doctors have been great, done loads of blood and marrow tests and now it’s just a monitor game.
I have no idea why I wrote this here and have deleted it a few times, but thought writing it down may help.

Tough times. I suggest you ask your doctor for some specialist counselling or a cancer support group. (Sadly) many have been through this fight, you are not alone and how you are feeling is quite natural imo. Always good to share this and we are glad you did as it helps.

I feel as if I’m slipping down to darker places than I’ve been before

I’m now finding people very difficult to tolerate in work and at home and I’m now trying to avoid people all together

Maybe depression? Very understandable with your diagnosis. Various treatments are available; antidepressants, cognitive therapy, etc. Talk to a Dr or other professional.

Posting here was a big 1st step, BTW.

So sorry to hear but thank you for sharing, sending you positive vibes and hoping that you feel better for posting.

Feelings of low mood and potentially sliding into depression are not to be surprised at after what you have been through/are going through. I am sure I would feel similar, to be honest. What is good is acknowledging how you feel and potentially getting some understanding why.

I know I become less sociable and tolerant of people when I am low too – so you are not alone in this. I would try talking to one of your doctors next time you see them to see if there is support available as well as the treatment/monitoring you are getting at the moment? Maybe you could go to your GP and talk with them to try and get some help? Counselling or perhaps medication may help. Both worked for me…

Anyway, getting it off your chest is a great first step. Keep talking here if it helps.

Writing it down and sharing on here are big first steps and it’s great that you’ve done this. As others have said speak to your GP in the first instance. Thanks for sharing and keep posting in this thread if it helps. I suffer with depression and professional help is definitely the way forward. Dealing with that and your illness it’s no wonder you are feeling the way you do. Take care.

I suffer with depression and professional help is definitely the way forward.

Could not agree more.

I agree with the others

Its a reaction to your situation and quite understandable from this distance.

Marie Curie will provide some counselling – and this is the sort of thing that counselling will help with. Its not weak to get help with your mental state. to put in it a very trite way If your leg is broken you go to an expert to get fixed. So do the same for your head.

Thank you, I’ve decided to seek help. It couldn’t make things worse. I realise I have also lost the built in filter my brain used to have. Today I bluntly told a few people what a rubbish job they had done instead of just letting go, but tonight I went for a long, foggy night ride and loved it.

Great you’ve decided to seek help. Venting at people is bound to happen under the circumstances, don’t worry about it. It’s amazing what a good bike ride can do to your mood and how it helps calm your thoughts. Let us knows how you progress newride.

^^^ WHS

Sometimes people doing a rubbish job need telling and I wouldn’t worry about saying it bluntly, especially since you’ve got other stuff on your mind.

I can’t add anything to what’s been said above, so will just say good luck and I hope you manage to get through the hard times.