Freedom to spend time outdoors with mates, camping and climbing.

I know the kids will get old enough to do this, but for now there’s no chance. I’m also finding the need to be with the kids is losing me a lot of time with friends and subsequently feeling out of touch!

Seeing people talk about exploring Scotland’s mountains and Glens makes me feel a right pang of longing! Sitting holding a damn baby for hours every night isn’t helping!

Erm, what did you think would happen…

Edit: sorry, it is a bit shit, I know this, but stuff you like doing has to take a back seat for a bit. It does get better though. Honest.

itll all be worth it in the end mate,

they get to pick your care home…

I feel ya pain brother. As I sit waiting for mini beagle number 2 to stir before giving her a bottle while Mrs beagle gets some sleep. It’s hitting me now that 2 kids is going to be way different prospect than just the one we have been used to for 3 years.

It’s helped to have a few things (riding trips/days) in the diary despite them being ages away. Just fit in what I can, be more organised and not deliberate on getting out.

I like my own space too and a bit of tranquility. I’ve pretty much written that off for now. Which reminds me, I need to fit a lock on the bathroom door at the weekend.

I did think this post was going to be a bit more thought provoking than ‘I am the father of a child but am am essentially still a needy child myself’.

Sorry OP but you need to kick yourself up the arse – it is difficult being a daddy but that is what you are and you will only regret it when your kids get older and no longer want your support if you don’t try to enjoy them when they do.

Feel the same…. But miss it less as my DD is 17 months so the outdoor stuff is a more distant memory!

Arrange for the in-laws to come and visit

they get quality time with the grandkids

you get to go for a ride/hike/etc

The 3 year old I love spending time with even though he’s a grumpy git that loves saying “stay home” rather than go biking… It’s this damn 6 week old that’s driving me insane. She just won’t relax and sleep and grunts and panic breathes non stop for hours at times which is very annoying and stressful!

Can’t wait for the day me and the older one can just up and off in the van on a friday afternoon for a few days!

Johndoh, do please explain, why do I need to kick myself up the arse? I’m doing the job and doing it well…Nothing wrong with sharing a frustration at missing something important in my life!

What are you doing to try to calm the baby? I’m guessing these posts are a bit tongue-in-cheek with a serious bit to them, so are you huffing and puffing around baby 2 all the time? If so, that isn’t going to help her relax. You did a fine job with baby 1; baby 2 needs the same and they’ll be turn out awesomely.

I can’t help with the time management and getting-away-to-play thing – I can’t manage that for myself when I’m child-free; when I am parenting, it just doesn’t get considered.

If you are the one doing all the contacting and staying in touch then your mates aren’t really mates, just people who do similar things to you.

The only thing I really miss is sleep. Funkmaster Jr is three in a few days and still doesn’t sleep through. My fitness and mental well being have taken a serious beating, but I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world

Johndoh, do please explain, why do I need to kick myself up the arse? I’m doing the job and doing it well…Nothing wrong with sharing a frustration at missing something important in my life!

You are a parent to a child – that is (should) be more important than your mates. If you think otherwise then you need to get a mirror…

You are a parent to a child – that is (should) be more important than your mates. If you think otherwise then you need to get a mirror…

And you need to start reading what he’s writing, rather than be so desperate to score points.

And being a sanctimonious tool.

Not at all in my opinion – what does a dad expect to sacrifice when they have children to care for?

sleep, and sleep did I mention sleep? … and spicy food but they are coming around to that 🙂

It not taking four hours and six arguments just to leave the **** house

Not at all in my opinion….

So is it also essential, in your opinion, to not miss the things that are sacrificed in order to be a good dad 🙄

When you shoot your fat you take your chance

You dont really have to grow up, you just need to pretend for a few years, looking back I feel blessed to have been at home whilst my two were little, its something a few of my friends have missed out on.
Im now on my second bout of youth and Ive got a ready made 19yo racing snake to keep me on my toes.

So is it also essential, in your opinion, to not miss the things that are sacrificed in order to be a good dad

You don’t miss them all, you just reassess what is reasonably achievable and crying like a baby on a forum doesn’t help. If it’s an issue, OP needs to speak to his partner and work things out.

When you shoot your fat you take your chance

At least make it rhyme so I can teach it to the time and attention hoovering 4 year old that has RUINED MY LIFE!

You don’t miss them all, you just reassess what is reasonably achievable and crying like a baby on a forum doesn’t help.

I’ll say it again. Try reading what he’s writing.

He is at home being a dad, looking after his kids.

And as a result he’s not doing other stuff, and he’s missing it.

Perfectly natural, and anyone who has kids (and isn’t deliberately trying to be an arsehole) can relate to it.

Me, I miss going more than a quarter of a day without there being some washing that needs doing.

It not taking four hours and six arguments just to leave the **** house

😀

Never found his stuff that funny till I had my own kids…

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFQfylQ2Jgg[/video]

“oh, but you’ll be far happier having kids. It’s the best experience in the world”

Yeah, balls to that 😛

If there was more time in life I’d be up for it. Sign away 20 years bringing up kids, then can still do all the adventurous stuff. Problem is you’ll be too knackered by the time they’ve left home and you’re into retirement and then all the stress they bring puts you in an early grave.

(As a kid free, load of disposable income type, I’m mocking here 😀 )

It’s about priorities innit.

If you miss your mates and the outdoors ‘that’ much then arrange time to go and do that. Your missus will understand I’m sure. It won’t be for as long or as often unless you give up something else to make way for it. And no, it isn’t the same when your kids are old enough, it’s a completely new experience.

I get what Johndoh is saying, maybe I’m just saying the same thing in a nicer way.

Sorry OP but you need to kick yourself up the arse – it is difficult being a daddy but that is what you are and you will only regret it when your kids get older and no longer want your support if you don’t try to enjoy them when they do.

You’re not really getting the point of the thread.

He’s not whining and expecting a solution – he’s simply saying how he feels, and looking for understanding and others to identify. Sharing feelings is important. Berating him for that isn’t really productive.

I also miss long days out or multi day trips. I also miss holidays based around an adventure trip, like I used to do before I was married.

If there was more time in life I’d be up for it. Sign away 20 years bringing up kids, then can still do all the adventurous stuff.

I know a bloke who had kids really early. His boy left home early too. He was kid free at 42.

I know where you’re coming from with the frustration. Mini Alpha is nearly 5 months old and it took me a while to resign myself to the fact that I didn’t have the liberty to go riding or go out with mates when I wanted. However, the turning point was when I realised that this doesn’t mean I don’t have the opportunity, I just need to be organised and plan as far ahead as possible.

In my opinion it’s important to continue doing the things you love as it’s mentally and physically healthy. Healthy, happy parents = healthy, happy kids etc etc. But you’ve got no choice but to accept that you have other more important things in your life at the moment, namely a 6 week old child that is entirely dependent on you. I’d also argue that your partner is also pretty dependent on you as well right now too.

Remember as well that 6 weeks old is still really, really, really young and if you are anything like me, you’re still in the ‘where the hell’s my normal routine gone?’ sort of stage. It’ll settle down, your frustration will dissipate and you will be able to get out. But for the time being, stop looking at your little one as ‘that damn 6 week old’ and make the most of being the most important thing in his/her world right now. Relax, the trails and glens aren’t going anywhere.

However, the turning point was when I realised that this doesn’t mean I don’t have the opportunity, I just need to be organised and plan as far ahead as possible.

That’s when they’re babies. When they’re five and want to do fun stuff with Daddy all weekend, and you have to explain to them why you’re going biking on your own and they can’t come.. that’s hard!

I was more going for a humorous “tell us what you miss” rather than encouragement, but all is appreciated! That Mackintyre sketch is brilliant

I haven’t driven anywhere to ride further than half an hour away for five years. And I’ve only done that about 5 times!

That’s when they’re babies. When they’re five and want to do fun stuff with Daddy all weekend, and you have to explain to them why you’re going biking on your own and they can’t come.. that’s hard!

My 19 month old has been having meltdowns for the last few months every time I leave the house wearing a bike helmet without taking him with me. He was thrilled to go to nursery on the bike today and on his return insisted on going down for his nap holding his bike helmet!

Perhaps I missed the point of the OP but what did the OP expect?

Tonight I am home alone trying to get a 7 year old to sleep but can’t because she wants mummy.

I wanted to go to the gym but I had to take one of my girls horse riding then walk the dog before my wife went out for the first night in many months. Unfortunately being a grown up sometimes means being grown up.

Missing my life without really irritating heavily digitized tinny music.

Have been given those swingy seat things which pipe nursery rhymes out in extra-low-quality.

I had a bright idea last night – I’m going to buy all sorts of fairly basic, probably percusive, musical instruments – not drums, just stuff that he (our 1.5month old) I can hit and make some pleasing vaguely musical noise with – for his entertainment of course.

One of those things that makes a sort of insect noise when you scrape a stick down it. A small Glockenspiel perhaps… Some sort of bell type thing like those baby things that hang down. Random obscure percusive instruments!

Not quite convinced of this idea yet.

Unfortunately being a grown up sometimes means being grown up.

Or in your case a miserable *&*! 😉 Though you’re certainly not alone.

Probably- I can’t do piss all after picking up an injury training for the London Marathon and feeling quite shit for myself.

I’ve not found this a problem. I do a boy’s weekend on the trails every year, do several events every year plus the social stuff, and as long as it’s planned considerately, and you are the type of loving father/husband who’ll drop that plan if anything that happens means your needed at home, then what’s the problem? Equally, you put that effort into your wife being able to do the same, and maximise the time with your children – you’ll be happier for it.

I skipped outdoor-type stuff on a regular basis for around 2 years when my daugher was born but started it up on an irregular and then more regular basis as she got older. It probably helped that my Mrs wasn’t working, and then went back only part-time rather than us both trying to do a full time job, bring up a child AND have individual free time. I reckon you just need to plan things well. I became a volunteer ranger in a local country park as the commitment made me get out when sometimes I might not have done. I guess the toughest thing was that none of my regular mates were fathers (all being a bit younger than me) so they’d plan things and I’d miss out. I got my own back on them later though (and still am) as they have kids and mine has grown up 🙂

Perhaps I missed the point of the OP but what did the OP expect?

I think he was hoping people would go ‘haha yeah I know what you mean!’ or some equivalent.

I’m in the same boat as you OP. I have an (almost) 4 year old and a (recently turned) 1 year old (and probably don’t live too far from you, given your username!)

Lack of time is the main thing I notice. What I’ve taken to is routinely booking a day on the bike say a month in advance with mates. When we go on that ride we set another date for a months time there and then (so it actually happens). Only been a few months but working so far, and the wife isn’t totally peeved.

2 young kids is hard going isn’t it? Can’t really imagine the pain of having more … the 2 I have are great though…

I think johndoh has failed to realise that the op has lost contact with his mates due to kids (as expected) and now ‘we’ are probably the only adult male contact he’s getting.
As such, be nice, be a ‘friend’, let him know that “yeah it’s tough, you love your kids but miss your old life, see if you can fit a few things in…” and though not much will change, he’ll appreciate someone is tehere to listen and share with.

Even if we are weirdos on the internet.

Sometimes you can choose just to be nice. The world is a tough enough place.

DrP