After many years of not speaking to my father I got in touch as I heard he was unwell, we have been going for regular lunches etc and getting on well, although he is losing his memory and he is in and out of hospital due to diabetic related issues.

Now my sister instigated a fall out between myself and my father and cannot understand after 8 years why I am bothering, she refused to let me help with his care and is controlling all aspects of his hospital & Dr visits, she even took his care keys after he was told he should not be driving ( I did voice my concerns to his Dr about his driving as it was dangerous) My father like me to drive his 4X4 when taking him out as it was easier for him to get in an out of as he is unstable on his feet and very tall. She virtually kicked his partner of 10 years out of the house has alienated and verbally attacked his life long friends blaming them for getting him drunk, which is rubbish as he always has drunk and is very stubborn, she then takes him to majestic wine to fill up his wine cabinet and brings sweets & chocolate around to him at home and when he is in hospital, hardly appropriate for a diabetic. She had a Volvo 4×4 and my dad had a Lexus 4X4 she has got him to buy her a new Merc m class and trade in the other cars and spend 11k on getting her drive paved on the pretence its better for my dad to get around the back of her house.

He lives alone in a house and was looking at assisted living in a smart new apartment block where he would still have independence but also medical help and care depending on his needs. I am very worried about her motives and know she wants power of attorney over him when I feel it should be someone independent, she refuses to talk to me and verbally attacked and scream at my partner when she went around to smooth the situation over and find out what issues my sister had with me. My sister went to another lifelong friend to get him to witness a document but he refused if I was not present, I have called his solicitor to voice and log my concerns and waiting to hear back.

any advice from the STW massive would be much appreciated as its got me worried sick she obviously has her eye on inheriting his estate as he is quite wealthy, I resigned myself years ago due to our fall out I would not get a penny and my sister has made it her life's work.

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Solicitor specialising in family law. There are various legal ways to deal with this but it depends upon your fathers wishes to some extent. Is he of sound mind now? sounds a bit marginal.

If you really believe he is vulnerable and at risk of, or being abused then you must act.

The law surrounding this has been reviewed in recent years and I know Scottish law better than English on this but he can have someone appointed to have a power of attorney and this can be financial or welfare or both.

The courts can also take control of his affairs – court of protection? there is a link to vulnerable adults stuff on here
http://www.publicguardian.gov.uk/about/court-of-protection.htm

Local social work dept can and will get involved as well if a vulnerable adult is at risk.

its a messy business and you must be certain (IMO) that you are acting in accordance with both your fathers wishes and his best interests. Just because you think he is making stupid decisions does not mean they are wro0ng or incompetent.

Edit:
If she wants a power of attorney and you think it inappropriate you can block that easily especially if you think your father lacks capacity to make decisions.

TJ your very right on how you have summed this up, he refers to everything concerning my sister as we as though they are in a partnership, my father & sister have always been very close and whatever she says goes, he is not of sound mind and is very forgetful, my fathers ex had problems with my sister throughout their relationship and she was the third person in the relationship.

She is not making the best decisions for him as she is the main benefactor from the recent ones, i.e new car & drive, he was very keen on moving to the apartments, then all of a sudden that changed and he wanted to buy a bungalow opposite her house, all his friends are worried, so its not just me with concerns, she is very clever & manipulative and has a viscous temper. She has made herself out to be mother Teresa to my Aunt and a business partner of my father who is also a close friend.

Good luck – it can be dealt with but it is difficult. Solicitor or court of protection first I guess. Maybe social services but the legal bods might act quicker.

good luck

A bit of an update on this and further advice please, my father thought he had sold his house so he could buy a bungalow opposite my sister, however the people have pulled out of the sale, but he still wants to buy the bungalow. I don't see what difference it makes as he is only 1/4 of a mile from her anyway, and he already has another house he rents out.

I have spoken to my fathers solicitor about the whole situation involving my sister and the way she is behaving, his solicitor would like my dad to go and see her or she said she could call to see him,as there is quite a lot she could do about the situation, or so she says. How do I go about finding an excuse for this, its a bit of a dilemma of how I go about this without raising suspicion.

Who do you need to make excuses to?

If you are going to anything about the situation you are going to upset/ alienate your sister. Its a simple choice. Protect your father and upset your sister. Or pussyfoot around and let your sister have the control.

She's after the estate…….

Not worried about my sister at all, its my father he may be suspicious and not agree to seeing his solicitor, as its a delicate situation and he probably doesn't see there is an issue, I am hoping his solicitor will however handle the conveyance that way she has an in.

Dad might be eligible for Direct Payment system, if it still exists, well complicated but allows him to employ someone as a carer, seem to recall can't be family member though?

Might not exist anymore though after election, and website for it appears to have been removed.

Agree with above that seeking some legal advice & sourcing some type of legal protection for your father might be useful.

After many years of not speaking to my father

Put yourself in your sister's position – she's been there for him when you haven't. Now you're back on the scene because he's ill and questioning her judgement. I am not at all surprised that she hasn't welcomed you back with open arms…
Or to put U31's comment the other way – maybe she thinks you're after the estate.

Its quite obvious she is using my father to feather her own nest, however she is his main carer and is able to manipulate him, she is quite clever and makes things sound plausable, what makes me laugh she can't see why after eight years I'm seeing dad again, she has not said as much but hinted to what I want…funny how her train of thought is.

My sister engineered the original fall out I had with my father, my partner witnessed it all.

I explained to the solicitor that I am not interested in power of attorney as it should be somebody independent i.e solicitor or any financial decisions would require co signatories.

Its very hard to suggest how to approach your dad – to me it would need to be direct and true.

"dad – I think you need to get a few things sorted out with your finances and stuff just in case – look I have had a word with the solicitor and have got an appointment this afternoon"

The court of protection can in the end appoint someone without your fathers consent if there is doubt about his ability to make decisions and you can certainly prevent your sister getting a power of attorney.

Your sister sounds like a grasping bitch ,you need legal help for your dad's sake never mind your own .Why did she get you to fall out in the first place ?

get the solicitor in on the pretence of making sure that all is up to date in his paperwork, especially with respect of moving house, and ensuring that things are best defined in his estate for tax purposes.

Edric 64 – Member
Your sister sounds like a grasping bitch ,you need legal help for your dad's sake never mind your own .Why did she get you to fall out in the first place ?

She came around to our house crying and complaining that my dads partner at the time had hit her & didn't want to know or do anything about it, as my father & I worked together she asked me to intervene and have a word with him, foolishly I did and ended having a big row with my dad, it was a shame as we were getting on well at the time, anyway to cut a long story short after a bit of wrangling my sister phoned me and started going on about how dare I speak to dad like that so on& so forth, my partner was listening on the extension and could not believe her ears, my sister had become a total turncoat, my father was also planning on retiring from this business and he wanted me to buy him out, however he had the business valued at nil for his 2nd divorce purposes, so I told him he could not have it both ways, I was already taking on a significant overdraft anyway, my father suggested I give my sister an income from the business, of course I said no way I'm not a charity, she did not work for me anyway.

He never made any attempt to patch things up with me, probably manipulated by my sister or see his grandchildren, anyway my partner & I were preoccupied with bring up our children one of witch is disabled, they do not seem to grasp that either.