You must get money issues sorted - otherwise resentment will fester
Thanks TJ, I think you are right. We are not the best at talking things through though really. I perhaps don't say exactly what I think, and thats mostly as she gets upset very easily and will often just run off so as a consequence I think I avoid telling things how they are...
2 sides to every story......we only have one of them?
Quite true, although I am seriously not one to put a shine on my angle and lie about hers.
I think she would probably say that since moving away from her mum and her friends that she doesn't have the support network she had before, though obviously now she has me and my mum and sisters etc but of course, its not what she is used to. We also now live in the midlands, and she came from the Coast and so misses the sea, as you would, but the main reason she moved up was at the time she had been made redundant and I had a good and steady job, the like of which could not be repeated the 150 or so miles away where she lived.
funny, i watched american beauty just last night. this sounds like the same kind of thing.
do whatever makes you happy
Brilliant film, but god, I hope its not a true reflection of my life. I am mostly pretty happy but prone to depression(isn't everyone these days..) but the issue is, I want to think of my long term happiness but currently my head is in a mess, I need some space to think but can't get any because life gets in the way.
Basically, when do you know it's time to go?
When they say stuff like this:
She says she loved who I was when she met me
That's a past tense in there mate.
Sorry, I don't mean she doesn't like me now. I meant that when things have bubbled up before and I've told her I am unhappy about having so little time to do my biking etc and generally be myself, she has said that yes, its very important for me to do all that and she knows that, that was the person she went for at the start of it all.
how healthy do you think a relationshop is when you feel the need to discuss it with a bunch of random strangers on the internet when you should be discussing it with your partner?.
I have tried to discuss it with her but its incredibly difficult and emotional, I need some distance to think.
Also, I find that there have been some sensitive issues discussed on here before and folk have been really helpful and understanding. The anonymity of it all allows me to speak more freely. Of course this isn't my only port of call. I can speak to my Mum and sisters and several friends but to be honest, I saw Sue's post and I've been having a particularly wobbly day so thought I'd ask here for quick opinion.
How have your costs increased?
Surely:
- going halves on rent/mortgage and bills should have reduced them (assuming you lived on your own previously)
- not going away at weekends on biking/boating trips saves you money
I previously shared a rented house with two friends. We'd lived there for 6 years and the rent had stayed at £600pcm.
I now live in a 3 bed rented, £800pcm and everything split down the middle, I can't compete really...
Not going away biking/kayaking saves me money sure, but thats not sustainable for me, I need adventure and fun.
You can walk away with no ties, do it.
Even though the kids are not his there will still be a bond, this will still form a basis of the decision.
Very true, I love the kids, they are great kids and as I say, I really don't want to start to resent them but I do so much for them and don't particularly get any thanks(I have to remember they are kids)
My mum had a serious relationship when I was growing up and that ended and I remember how devastated I was too...
my wife says it seems a big jump from most of the story to deciding it's time to go. she also wants to know how old you are
I think things have been up and down for a while. We have a history of periods of problems but also some fantastic times together in some fantastic places. I am 38 by the way, kids are 6 & 8...
From your portrayal she's looking after herself, and you're looking after her kids
Sorry if I gave that impression. Not at all, she dotes on the kids and does everything for them and makes a lot of personal sacrifices for them. She just wants us to be some catalogue family I think, all together all the time and gloriously happy. I need some space for myself sometimes is all and the transition from bachelor to doing the school run and football training has been quite a learnig curve...
