About to fire off the letter below to my neighbour but would appreciate a thoughtful eye or two cast over it first. It’s a follow-up to a very short and exceptionally polite note sent two weeks ago explaining that their dogs were waking me up before 7am and then keeping me awake. They don’t answer the door to anyone which makes a face-to-face conversation difficult.

In particular I want to come over as frustrated and slightly pissed off, but not whining nor critical parent. How would you feel if you received it?

Edited, new letter further down.

I didn’t read it – it is too long

I doubt they’ll bin it on account of covering a single page of A4.

The first one was very short, polite and to the point but was completely ignored.

Erm…..if I was receiving that I doubt I would get all the way through it. It’s a decent effort, but a bit word-y; perhaps try & chop it down a bit?

I would also write somewhere that you are explaining the situation by way of letter as they don’t answer the door, but would prefer to do it with a face to face chat.

Hi

I’d have spoken to you in person about this but we never seem to meet and you’re out when I ring your bell.

Your dogs have begun to bark late at night and early in the morning and it’s causing me to lose sleep and affecting my enjoyment of my home.

Is it possible for you to change the times that you let them out or stop them barking when they’re in your garden?

Happy to chat about this if you want to come round.

Cheers

Flaperon at number 23.

[edit] if it doesn’t work make a point of parking outside their house. Everyone likes a neighbour dispute that gradually ratchets up.

Or phone the council (although issue with a formal complaint is it will go on your records for any subsequent searches when you sell).

In particular I want to come over as frustrated and slightly pissed off, but not whining nor critical parent.

Fail.

It comes across as all about you and not really about them or the dogs.

Try this instead

Mate,

Spoke to you before about the barking dogs.They are a nuisance to ALL of your neighbours.

You need to either:
1. Keep them quiet
2. Answer the door to me so I can talk to you about it.
3. Feed them these Tranquillizer Sausages(enclosed)
4. Answer the door to the Council after you fail to do 1, 2 or 3.

Love and kisses

Flaperon.
Boomshanka

If they don’t answer the door to you, what makes you think they’ll take any notice of this. Not having ago at you btw. I would always want a face to face in neighborly issues.

From a wording point of view the latter part isn’t forceful enough. I read it as almost apologetic.

wwaswas – that’s pretty much word for word what I put in the first letter. Sadly it didn’t have any effect.

Will give some more pruning.

I’ve edited but I don;t think you tell them how it’s affecting you is going to change things, they clearly aren’t that bothered. You need to do something that impacts on their lives – see my edit above.

Think I’m going to go for an edited version of perchypanther’s letter.

Shall take out the bit about tranquiliser sausages, may leave the Love and Kisses in to annoy him.

I am disappointed and upset that you don’t appear to take this seriously.

I am disappointed that you don’t appear to be taking this seriously.

Numerous occasions I’ve been awakened when the dogs have started barking before 7:00 AM, and recently after 11:45 PM. This causes me to lose sleep and feel tired, angry and irritable the next day.

On numerous occasions, I have been awoken when the dogs started barking before 7:00 AM and, more recently, after 11:45 PM. Consequently, I feel tired, angry, and irritable the next day.

Numerous times I’ve been prevented from going to sleep because the barking has commenced at approximately the same time I turn in for the night. The barking is so loud and piercing that neither double-glazed windows and earplugs dull the sound sufficiently for us to fall asleep.

Numerous times, I have been… neither the double-glazed windows, nor earplugs dull the sound sufficiently.

At many times during the course of the day for no apparent reason at all, or as a result of routine and daily actions, the dogs bark, and bark, and bark…

Many times over the course of the day, and for no apparent reason, the dogs will bark continuously, such as when:

…

I want to stress to you that the quality of living in my house has been seriously disrupted as a result of the barking of your dogs. On a daily basis I anticipate the barking and wonder when it will occur next.

I cannot express strongly enough that the quality of life in my house has been…

The reasons I have not spoken to you about the barking problem as I experience it until recently are twofold. Firstly, I determined that you would simply take action on your own to correct the noise because it is so blatant. I have now come to the conclusion that you don’t view the barking as a problem in the same way as me.

… First of all, I assumed that you would simply take action…

… in the same way as I do.

The second reason is that I was somewhat embarrassed to be placed in the position of having to complain. Like most people I want to be a good neighbour and making a complaint like this is embarrassing and likely to be a cause of a strained relationship between us. However, please understand that there was no other way to let you know how significantly the barking is affecting me.

Secondly, I was somewhat embarrassed…

Please understand, however, that there has proven to be no other way…

You once told me that you believed in being a considerate neighbour. I don’t park outside your house because you made it clear that it caused problems for your family; I hope now that you’re aware of the impact your dogs barking has on me you will take steps to resolve the problem.

I hope that you are now aware of the impact your dogs’ barking has on me, and that you will take immediate steps to resolve the problem.

Actually, I like perchypanther’s edit better. 🙂

affecting my enjoyment of my home.

This sounds a bit wet, I’d just say its extremely annoying.

Look mate, either sort your shit out or I’ll sort your shit out for you.

Accompany with stencil of Michael Douglas with machine gun a la Falling Down.

dear neighbour,

your dogs are noisy and keep me awake.
i have written to you previously and you ahove ignored this and you wont answer the door when i knock on it…i am going to assume that you are not dead hence why the dogs are constantly barking but if the barking does not cease immediately, the local kebab shop will be getting a new meat supply.

and i may also feel compelled to wee in your shoes, ppo on your face and hoof you in the slats

yours shirtily

Flaperon

😆

Saxonrider, thanks. 🙂

Is neighbour an uncouth yoof or miserable old fecker? Or somewhere in between?

[video]http://youtu.be/6HRXIIi1hOc[/video]

I’d go with

Dear Council Noise Pollution People
Next door’s dogs are a noise nuisance – I’ve spoken to the owners but they refuse to do anything about it. Would you please have a word with them?
Thanks

A. Counciltax-Payer

Or get one of those dog silencing gizmos. The indirect approach.

How are fluorescent butt plugs gonna help the situation?

Start by asking your local Environmental Health dept. to send you their leaflet on dog noise. Pop it through the letter box.

If that fails, move house. We did when a violent drug dealer moved in next door with lound trance music and three dogs that barked and whined all night.

How are fluorescent butt plugs gonna help the situation?

Little know fact that a dog can’t bark with something in it’s arse. Doesn’t have to be those plugs, fingers work just fine.

Dear Council Noise Pollution People
Next door’s dogs are a noise nuisance – I’ve spoken to the owners but they refuse to do anything about it. Would you please have a word with them?
Thanks

A. Counciltax-Payer

Dear Council Tax Payer,

We’ve sent a polite leaflet to your neighbour. By the way, it’s now pretty much impossible to sell your house because we’ve formally recorded the dispute with your neighbour which you will have to declare.

Love,

The Council

Well?

Did you send a letter? What did it say?

Dear neighbour,

I have a developing interest in korean cuisine and am looking to source ingredients locally. Any ideas?

This is the letter I ended up sending in the end:

Dear [neighbour],

Two weeks ago I wrote to you explaining that my sleep was being disturbed by your dogs barking for long periods early in the morning. I am disappointed that you don’t appear to be taking this seriously.

On numerous occasions, I have been awoken when the dogs started barking at 7:00 AM and, more recently, after 11:45 PM. Consequently, I feel tired, angry, and irritable the next day.

I am regularly prevented from going to sleep because the barking has commenced at approximately the same time I turn in for the night. Neither double-glazed windows nor earplugs dull the sound sufficiently.

Many times over the course of the day, and for no apparent reason, the dogs will bark continuously, such as when:

-? Anyone walks down [street name];
-? I am outside in the garden;
-? Reading, watching television or listening to music;
-? I’m on the phone.

I cannot express strongly enough that the quality of life in my house is seriously disrupted as a result of the barking of your dogs. On a daily basis I anticipate the barking and wonder when it will occur next.

The reasons I have not spoken to you about the barking problem as I experience it until recently are two-fold. First of all, I assumed that you would simply take action on your own to correct the noise because it is so blatant. Clearly you don’t view the barking as a problem in the same way as I do.

Secondly, I was somewhat embarrassed to be placed in the position of having to complain. Like most people I want to be a good neighbour and making a complaint like this is embarrassing and likely to be a cause of a strained relationship between us. Please understand, however, that there has proven to be no other way to let you know how significantly the barking is affecting me.

I hope that you are now aware of the impact your dogs’ barking has on me, and that you will take immediate steps to resolve the problem.

Yours sincerely,

Unfortunately it’s had absolutely zero success and the first thing they did when they saw me come home was chuck the dog out into the garden. Mind now numb from interrupted sleep, nearly fell asleep on drive home and took the wrong turn on the taxiway at work (much to the non-amusement of ATC).

What I find astonishing is how someone so pig-ignorant holds down a fairly high level job in the city. May investigate the legal cover on home insurance policy next. Or just call his boss.

Thanks for the help anyway (esp SaxonRider).

Ah, you are dealing with an intelligent arsehole. This is trickier.

that is really shit that they did it deliberately I would not be at the point where i was making sure they could not sleep either and getting a very loud stereo and a timer or possibly a guitar on feedback

Move. You won’t win against a turd like that, or, if you do manage it, it will be a pyrrhic victory.

try to train their dogs ? – every time they bark, play some sort of high-pitched squeally thing* at high volumes until they stop

*no idea

Is it a semi-detached? If so phat amp, REL sub and Max Power Boomin’ beats CD on repeat at random times of the day and night.

do ultrasonic cat deterrents work on dogs?

can you make a recording of dogs barking and play it back on loop when you’re out, directed at your neighbours?

is their house flammable?

Pay the owner £50 and make them go to Training classes. If its still quiet in year pay him another 50 quid and so on. and if they move out a bonus of £100.

All about nudging and incentives innit.

Can you fly over and open the toilet tanks above his house. That’s hundreds of people shitting down his chimney. (Probably don’t open the planes anus exactly over his house, you will have to do some gravity and trajectory sums).

Id be worried about co-splatterol damage on his own house.

Maybe a call to the rspca reporting your concern that next doors dog is in distress

Statutory nuisance. Council.

Hither: https://www.gov.uk/how-to-resolve-neighbour-disputes/complain-about-noise-to-the-council

Id be worried about co-splatterol damage on his own house.

Known in military circles as a ‘poo on poo’ I do believe.