This morning, Northern Rail. Jobsworth of a train manager said new safety regulations limits bikes to 2 per train and started blabbing on. I had just negotiated some murderous car drivers and was in no mood for negotiation. 3 bikes on train including mine, all stacked so they take up less room than 2 bikes if the crap bike slots are used.
Me: Are you asking me to get off the train?
him: blah blah safety, blah.
Me: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO GET OFF THE TRAIN? (starting to get agitated)
him: safety blah, limit, blah, blah
Me: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO GET OFF THE TRAIN? (I have a very loud booming voice and am furious by this time)
Him: yes
Me: RIGHT, OUT OF THE WAY EVERYBODY, I’VE GOT TO GET OFF THE TRAIN THANKS TO THIS JOBSWORTH (pick up my bike and barge off the train, people scattering)
both me and train manager on platform now
Him: blah blah (I’m so f*cking angry I can’t even hear properly!)
Me: UP YOURS!!! also give one finger salute (loudest voice below full shout – whole station looks around at the scene)
I stomp off and cycle to work in fastest time ever! 7 miles in under 30 mins (tortuous winding cycle path).

Everyone seems to ignore the no cycles on trains to/from London (during peak time) on SouthWest trains, rail staff included.

But using the train for 7 miles – in summer ? 😯

Bloody cyclists!

(that’s what they all thought)

Taking the train for 7 miles – are you mental?

allthepies – Member

But using the train for 7 miles ? My first thought too.

3/10 no random capitals no spelling mistakes (that i noticed)
my advice is get up earlier and cycle the whole 7 miles in to work for the duration…

I had a bit of a nightmare on the last train home on a saturday evening. Got on the train fine at Waterloo, but then literally 8 million drunken morons boarded at Clapham. People were crammed on with no space whatsoever. You can guess what they thought of my and my bike taking up precious standing/vomiting space. OMG, i thought they were going to kill me.

Must buy a brompton…

C’mon guys: 7 miles of tortuous winding cycle path. Sounds truly horrendous.

I stomp off and cycle to work in fastest time ever! 7 miles in under 30 mins (tortuous winding cycle path).

Why don’t you just cycle in anyway? It’s only 7 miles and half an hour? I feel sorry to the guard, he was probably thinking ‘why?’ too, but was too professional to call you a cazy lunt 🙂

I probably wouldn’t have got off. Just ignored him. Nowt he can do unless he wants to delay the train. So long as the aisles were clear there is no issue. If the aisles were blocked by your bike then he was right and you should have gone quietly and I wouldn’t have even tried.

You use a train for 7 miles? Are you a masochist?

Sorry, just want to repeat the last (x3) question…using a train to go 7 miles? Save yourself a fortune and use the bike – after a week you’ll wonder why you ever used the train.

I started commuting the 15 miles to work on my bike after a similar “discussion” with a short Scotrail jobsworth. I’m not heightist but this guy was short, had the power of the uniform and was willing to use it…

Should really thank him now 🙂

that’s no way to start the day. Now you’re all het up and antsy. get up a little earlier, and bimble in to work all calm and collected.

Always find it strange to see people cycling really fast to work, like they WANT to be there rather than on the bike? 🙂

“Always find it strange to see people cycling really fast to work, like they WANT to be there rather than on the bike?”

Maybe they’re going the long way round and still trying to get there in the same time. 😉

Ride 7 miles? Or throw yourself at the mercy of the epically-inefficient, noisy, smelly, dirty, expensive, over-crowded public transport network? With its surly jobsworth staff? And, you know, the worst of the lot…. OTHER PEOPLE? In the summer?

Are you presently suffering from any mental health issues?

to be fair its well known there is a limited number of bike slots on trains now, doing london paris next week, and have had to book bike a slot on train, its free but ou need to pre book, if you didn’t then your loss, also if you’d spoke like that to me you’d NEVER get on the train again

I think you should drive to your work and get the bike out the boot round the corner before cycling the last few yards, it will save you the hassle of the train AND the tortuous cycle paths.

Are you presently suffering from any mental health issues?

I do wonder sometimes…

Thanks for the Samaritans service guys, I do feel a bit of a Knob to be honest. I think the cycling to work will be mandatory since I may be banned from Northern Rail and that particular train manager has refused me access on a previous occasion so will most definitely refuse me in the future!

Decent troll, I’ll give you 3 for the shouting, and 2 for the ludicrous journey length and an extra point for the dialogue. It was a bit like reading Hamlet.

6 out of 10.

Just an idea but maybe OP had already ridden lots of miles and normally takes the final 7 by train? Just saying like.

What TJ said, put bike on train safely out of the way then sit down and ignore the conducter/people unless they start to move your bike.

<Edit> but don’t go utterly bat shit if they do try to kick you off for (legitimate) safety reasons.

Shocking. Fella was doing his job properly and gets verbally assaulted by some moron with a bike.

Deveron53 – Member
that particular train manager has refused me access on a previous occasion

Not an isolated incident then?

Thanks for the Samaritans service guys, I do feel a bit of a Knob to be honest.

Fair play, I’d plan on riding in for a while.

Anyone know the ruling on overcrowding of trains? Pretty sure there’s some H&S issues going on every morning bolton-manchester trains, rail staff (and management) don’t do anyting about that tho.

Which line was it, just out of interest? I’ve taken a lot of Northern Rail services over the last few years, with my bike, and never had any grief.

lazy bastard! mon the train guy!

MTFU D0NK!

You sound like a rude and angry person. Try some yoga or some scented candles to help you find some inner calm.

Just had a look on here london centric but I assume it applies everywhere, no limit on number of people crammed on but

Commuter train operators are required to carry out passenger counts to demonstrate that adequate capacity is provided. This ensures that franchised operators properly address the issue of capacity requirements in peak periods.

Pretty sure that aint getting done.

If you’d not flicked the bird before you left he might have been stood on the platform thinking to himself ‘What has become of my life? How did I become such a nesbit? Why can’t I make my own judgements in life instead of being scared to deviate from the damm rulebook?!’

Now he probably feels justified in his actions and all warm inside with smugness.

Get a foldy bike. Never a problem taking them on the train.

Or cycle to work – better in every way.

It’s an isolated incident for me. Every other train manager lets limitless bikes on! That particular train manager and another one who, in addition to sticking rigidly to the 2 bikes rule also attempts to short-change any passenger daring to buy a ticket with a tenner (caught him doing it more than once). They are known for it. Jobsworths, Blakeys without the moustaches. Power mad.
Yes, I have been known to get a little worked up, that’s why I try and cycle away from the roads and the 2 ton steel weapons that people use to attempt to murder me while cycling.
The tortuous meant ‘twisty’, possibly need a thesaurus as well!

Dev, think of it as your gift! get into cycling in every day, or 4 days a week.
you’ll feel better for it, save a fortune and with that distance not get too sweaty if taken easy!
within no time as you finish the day, instead of cramming into a wagon stressed out you’ll be thinking zipping along in the fresh air thikning ‘what was i doing’?….. 😀

7 miles of tortuous winding cycle path.

Your are nails if you do 7 miles of that kind of torture. I mean winding not arrow straight i once did 7 miles that was BOTH winding and uphill. I then noticed there was another 7 to go

Sadly you may have caused a lot of problems now for real cyclists using trains for long distance travel.

Theres a chap on another forum, thats a guard on Northern Rail.

Oh and ever tried getting on a bus wuith a bike, it wont ever happen.

Same happened to me at Cardiff. I started driving instead.

<hovers over the report post button>

Do you have anger management problems? You come on here moaning about somebody doing their job and having to ride 7 miles to work. You sir are a prize prat!

<hovers over the report post button>

Why? For some naughty words? Pfffttt

Do what? Not following.