Forget tyre sizes. Everyone should weigh in at the start line and the whippets should be made to carry extra weight to give the fatties a chance.
Nonsense. That would lead to a world full of unfit bloaters and increase the strain on the NHS at a time when it can ill afford it.
Rather, bike plus rider should aim to total 84 kg, this being the combination of the perfect rider weight (73kg, 11.5 stone) and the perfect bike weight (24 pounds, 11kg).
If the combo is under this then the rider has to carry weights to get up to target, if they’re over it they have to use a lighter bike to get down to it or, if that’s impossible, run carrying the bike.
This way, bloaters lose weight (saving the NHS) and whippets have to eat pies (putting much needed money into the economy). Everybody wins!