Just got off the phone to a friend who is having a problem with their eldest boy (14). It would seem that he and a couple of friends have taken to hanging around with a guy who is 18 and apparently “known to the police”. From what I gathered from the conversation, this guy seems to have a liking for younger boys and girls.

I said I’d ask around for advice and obviously the STW Hive Mind was the first port of call.

The guy in question seems to have a hold over quite impressionable young minds but, at the moment, doesn’t seem to have crossed any lines. My friend is worried as this guy, once he has the young ones trust, invites them round to his and encourages them to bring friends. There are suspicions of cases of abuse but nothing proved that I know of. Obviously they are worried that their son could be the victim of, or implicated in, abuse.

I would appreciate any advice that I can pass on. My email is in my profile just in case.

Thanks in advance.

CALL POLICE

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+1, quickly.

Mike, police have been involved but as yet nothing can be proved. The main thing that my friend is concerned about is that the time this guy crosses the line, their son will be implicated.

Transit van, false plates and a base ball bat.

Bare in mind however that in every school in the country there will be 14 years olds shagging 18 year old senior boys. Not saying its correct just that it happens.

How horrific for an 18 year old lad to be branded basicly a pervert, with little hard evidence to back it up, didnt we all mix with the older kids to look cool, abuse is just a new way of ensuring that the freinds kids diont mix with somebody they dont approve of.

Just imagine if your 18 year old lad wa branded the same and the local do gooders shunned your family as a result.

At 14 surely he is not beyond being disciplined. Surely an instruction not to hang about with this other lad is all that is required.

ground son for ever.
At that age only a nobber hangs around with school kids. H eis 18 could go to pubs and clubs and meet adults etc.
Seriously my son would be grounded till the lad was arrested.

Either that or

Project you may be right but where my kids are involved I would employ extreme caution even bordering on paranoia as I would rather have a false positive than a false negative

does keeping an eye on who there son knocks about with not sound like the easy thing to do?

Tell your mate to do the same as he might do for any friend of his sons whom he may not be comfortable with – meet the fella and ask a few questions about the nature of their relationship – what they have in common etc. Be up front and tell him that he’s concerned.
I presume he’s discussed it with his son?

Project, not sure where you are going with this but did you miss the bit about “known to the police”.

This isn’t a troll and I would really appreciate some good advice.

somebody needs to have a very serious word with the 18 yr old. Grounding your friends kid or otherwise will only make matters worse.

Nip it in the bud immediately

yes but you can be

“known to the police”

because you are a minor drug offender, vandal tealeaf etc… it doesn’t mean he’s a nonce FFS

The lad could be a nonce.

But then again, it could be a case of ‘British Isles, PAEDOPH-ISLES!’.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLyLGrbKokI&feature=related[/video]

When I was a lad there were one or two older blokes who’d hang around with us. I always just thought they were a bit inadequate and praps not as emotionally/socially developed as they might be expected to be. So they found it easier to be around those who they could dominate and appear more confident than they actually were. I really don’t think there was any sexual intent tbh; certainly the girls we hang around with weren’t worried.

Your suspicions could be well founded, or you could have it horribly wrong. Be mindful of that, and at least try to find out the facts. Don’t go steaming in their cos he could have mental health issues you don’t know about. In fact, how much do you or others actually know about him?

How horrific for an 18 year old lad to be branded basicly a pervert, with little hard evidence to back it up,

Basically in a situation like that I wouldn’t want to wait for the “hard evidence” to materialise. Why would an 18 year old want to hang around with 14 year olds anyway – what’s wrong with mates his age ? Sounds like he’s either inadequate or, someone who wants to manipulate weaker more impressionable kids.

would you be happy about your kids hanging out with others ‘known to the police’ for any reason?

no it does not but I would not be using my own kids as a test subject to find out exactly what illegal activities he plans to do with them /their friends.
ernie nail and head

When I was 17/18 I had 15 year old g/f’s, as did many lads – it was no big deal and parents didn’t mind as I was respectable and was welcomed into the (also respectable) family homes. Saying that, I wasn’t ‘known to the Police’.

Actually found out recently through FB that when I was 19 I went on a date with a 14yr old, who I thought was 16 – no sex though.

“Son, I don’t want you hanging round with [insert name here]. He’s known to the police for kissing younger boys”. I’m quite serious – isn’t that all it would take?

i would have a word with the 18yr old, telling him that i would be paying him a visit one night if i found out anything dodgy happened.

TheFunkyMonkey, we are on the same wavelength here. Grounding etc can be very counter-productive.

Tazzy, “known to the police” for all the wrong reasons, i.e. not the ones you suggest.

Ernie and JY, I agree. Why would an 18 y/o want to hang around with 14 y/o and under?

Like others have said known to the police means a lot of things,if your freind is wrong/gullable she will ruin thelads life along with alienating her son, who surely knows the facts of life and is able to make his mind up who he chats to, and wghat he gets up to.Its 2011 for gods sake.

I mustg remember never to talk or buy a cup of tea for anyone younger tan myself in future, if that reasoningb is going to be usecd for every meeting.

Tazzy, “known to the police” for all the wrong reasons, i.e. not the ones you suggest.

is this a Known fact or local hearsay by the paedofinder generals, you know the same people that burn down a paediatricians house?

if he’s properly know to the rozzers for the reasons you suggest he may well be on a watch list in which case a chat to the local plod may be productive

user-removed – Member

Hits the nail on the head. Basically, there are two sides to it: you can try and sort out the 18-year old’s side, but while nothing can be proven there’s not much you can do. And/ or you can sort out the 14-year old’s side – someone has to have a serious chat with him, in a way that he’s actually going to take to heart and pay attention to.

known to the police for ANY reason makes him undesirable in my book and I wouldn’t want my kids hanging with those sorts

FFS he is 14 not an adult project.
we all know 14 years old dont do stupid things are not impressionable easily led astray taken in by “cool” people with drink and drugs etc

It is probably the very reason mr socially inept 18 yr old hangs out with them unless he just likes erm kids.
Look no one knows whether he is a proper bad un or just a tool but I would not be letting my kids find out the answer END OFF.

It’s tricky…

The ‘innocent until proven guilty’ part of my brain thinks it’s probably nothing – known to police could mean anything (have the police alluded to anything?)

But…

The ‘Dad’ part of my brain think it’s time to scare the 18 yo to death with threats of axes, plastic sheets, shovels, big holes and 1,000 rats.

So on balance perhaps it’s time for a ‘friendly’ word with the 18 yo whilst sharpening an axe / butcher half a pig – preferably whilst some of your biggest mates are around.

The problem is, I’ve seen 14 yos act like 20 yos and vice versa and as you get older, it gets harder to tell them apart (esp girls). Has the 14 yo had a proper talking to?

FFS we are all adults, and we where all 14 once,

So the lad in question is 18,

maybe at 14, your mates son might want fags, booze, and music, and possibly some where to chill out,

And his new mate has all those things making him cool ( in the eyes of a 14 yr old )

It doesnt make him a

Tell your friend to get a grip of the situation, If he was my son it would go something like,

” Do not go near that lad again”, “Do you understand ”

Treat him like a young adult and he might just act like one.

And being known to the police could mean a world of things

I was “known to the police” as a youth and turned out to be a very well behaved, responsible member of society.

it’s nice to know that some of the bastions of fair play and right on-ness on the forum are nasty little bigots who would condemn someone to a life of being labelled a scumbag nonce junky freak based on supposition and rumour. Jeremy kyle would be proud.

When I first started mountain biking I was about 14 and regularly used to ride with a lad who was 18 and had left our school the year before and was taking a year out before uni.
He had a car and none of his mates were into biking, so we used to go off somewhere most weekends.
Often a couple of my mates (same age as me) would come too.

Nobody ever gave this a second thought, or thought it was odd.

It was 25 years ago though, and people were a lot less eager to brand people as a nonce then weren’t they ?

Thanks Junkyard. This is *exactly* what the parents are worried about. 18 y/o is telling their son the sort of things he wants to hear. Anything they say, i.e “you’re grounded” or “don’t hang around with…” is met with, “see, I told you so…”

These guys are genuinely scared. 14 y/o don’t come with a hand book. Obviously project you aren’t a parent so please foxtrot off as you have nothing to add.

If you want to test your liberalism with your kids then hey you go for it

junkyards idol

nealglover, yes very nice. A wonderful tale. Thanks for sharing.

This guys ain’t taking kids for a mtb ride in the countryside. Would I have posted otherwise?

I’m ‘known to the police’ and so is my wife! 😀

Oh no hang on I jolly well have not got a wife…

But if I did have, she’d probbly be known to the police as well! 🙂

OK guys. Let’s just assume that there may be some things that I may be keeping back. Let’s assume that this isn’t a wannabe scout-leader. He’s not a thief to my knowledge. Social inadequacy, dunno.

I do know that a serious allegation has been made by a minor. I do know that this guy seems to be very manipulative. I was kind of hoping that the cynics and smart arses might have given this one a miss. Sadly, wrong.

Elfin, **** off there’s a good chap.

Anyway, Channel4 now for all concerned parties.

Excellent tazzy – have you run our of responses – oddly i saw him for the first time today at work what a patronising cock.

Again if you want your kids to hang out with mr innadequate 18 yr old known to the police to learn some life lessons you go for it but i would not.
What adults do is the business of adults even if those decision are daft. Where kids are involved they occasionally need the guidance of adults as they are still young ,naive and impressionable- which is again the most likely reason an 18 yr old hangs out with 14 year olds. His peers can see what a cock and waster he is so he needs to manipulate or impress younger people than himself.

You may paradoy me as you wish but as a card carrying PC liberal do gooder and [former]youth worker [ you think kids dont do this all the time with younger impressionable kids?] I dont really care – anything useful to say or to help the OP or do you just wish to have another childish pop at me because I disagree with you?
OP i am leaving the thread and hope you get some actual help

Elfin, **** off there’s a good chap.

Why? 😕 Any reason for such rudeness?

I do know that a serious allegation has been made by a minor. I do know that this guy seems to be very manipulative.

So, now you’re coming up with more info. Strikes me there’s a lot more to this than you’re letting on. Unless you give people sufficient info, how d’you expect them to make a fair and reasonable assesment, or be able to offer the right sort of advice?