According to Dave Gorman in Twitter:

1/2 page in The Sun as Piers Morgan ‘bans’ Beckham from his talk show. I ban Clinton &Mandela from Genius. &Angelina Jolie from my bedroom.

I’m banning Bruce Willis from reading over my shoulder. Who are you banning from doing something they clearly weren’t doing in the first place?

I’ve banned Peirs Morgan – as he’s a complete c*ck

Barnes is banned from the Friday A&A thread!

I’ve banned my wife from catching me having a danger ****.

Barnes is banned from the Friday A&A thread!

Oh REALLY ??

Yes really!

I’m banning the cheeky girls from dancing naked in my flat.

I ban RudeBoy from making a short post with a sensible point. 😀

Some good ones suggested to Dave Gorman:

I’m banning former F1 champion Mika Hakkinen from borrowing my shoes. Whose shoes are they Mika? MINE! That’s whose.

I’ve banned Tina Turner from overfeeding my cats.

i’ve banned nicholas parsons from laughing at crows.

I’ve banned Man Ray from ironing my trousers

just this second, i banned digby the biggest dog in the world from flying a kite in whitley bay ice rink.

I’ve banned myself from adding sarcasm to forum posts.

I’ve banned Patrick Moore from messing with ma’ Groove.

I’ve banned Brian Blessed from knitting me a sweater out of loose strands of his beard.

Too itchy.

I’ve banned Morrissey from wearing a harness to carry meat.

I just banned Kate Winslet from crawling around the Primark in Kettering on all-fours whilst pretending to be Gollum.

George Bush ain’t going to be building my self assembly furniture…no siree…

and ac/dc are no longer allowed to park their kia pride outside sven adult books in newcastle…

I ban RudeBoy from making a short post with a sensible point

I think that’s a perfectly sensible and reasonable banning.

Oh.

Sorry…

djglover:

I’ve banned my wife from catching me having a danger ****.

Im banning djglover from making any more post of the day contenders.

I’ve banned Facha from reading the STW forum.

I’ve banned all the characters from ‘In The Night Garden’, from making a 1/32 scale model of the temple of Ankor Wat, entirely from matchsticks.

S’aright RudeBoy, that was short but fortunately it escaped my ban by lacking a point 😛

I’ve banned bands wearing bandanas from my bannisters.

I’ve banned Gordon Brown from saving the world economy.

I have written a formal banning to fish (of marillion fame) from using morse code on land. He flaunted this with free abandon and replied (in morse code) “YOU’LL NEVER STOP ME, AFROMAN”!!!

I took his steed away from him and won’t give it back until he learns his lesson.

I have banned Jacqui Smith from dancing for me.

ive banned my husband from plugging off to poor quality pay per view grumble flicks whilst Im on government business.

Rik Mayall wants to use my motorbike – sorry 80’s funnyman, you’re banned.

I’ve banned you lot from praising the shameless over promotion of the Big Bike Bash

oomidamon; that’s actually not a pointless ban, as I think Mr Mayall was actually quite badly injured, following an accident on a motorised vehicle, quad-bike I think? Would be quite sensible, to try and prevent Mr Mayall from injuring himself again.

I’ve banned all walruses from eating maltesers (greedy B’stards)

RudeBoy good point – Ozzy’s banned too then (and Prince William).

I’m banned from outdoor sex with Anne Widecombe.
Don’t know why, just got sober and banned myself.

I’ve banned Barbara Cartland from playing for my rugby team. Never paid her subs, tight git.

Are these not quite like Frank Doberman from the Harry enfield show?

…If that Nigel Mansell should come round here driving his formula one car up and down my road….

RudeBoy – Member
oomidamon; that’s actually not a pointless ban, as I think Mr Mayall was actually quite badly injured, following an accident on a motorised vehicle, quad-bike I think? Would be quite sensible, to try and prevent Mr Mayall from injuring himself again.

Hadn’t heard about this, so looked it up. It was 10 years ago.
I found it in this extremely interesting and informative piece online:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1165864/The-Young-One-Rik-Mayall-shows-middle-aged-paunch.html

Jeez.

I therefore ban Alison Moyet, otherwise known as Alf, from duetting with my hairbrush whilst wearing that bikini. Again.