I know my ideals are probably way out of date with most on here but I believe that an infant's place is with its mother
your spot on in my view,i am a stay at home dad but even i have to admit that it would be better if it was mum.
the teachers at our school say it is obvious which kids have a parent at home.
not everyone can do it though.
good thought's and my best wishes sent your way MF.
I believe that an infant's place is with its mother
i am a stay at home dad but even i have to admit that it would be better if it was mum.
not everyone can do it though.
No, I appreciate that Nonk - I've no wish/right to judge and as I said my ideals are just that - a personal opinion based on my own circumstances.
i am a stay at home dad
Enjoy!! Papadirt was able to be quite involved with helping out at school, etc, etc, as he worked shifts and has some lovely memories of our boys' early years as a result.
aracer - MemberI believe that an infant's place is with its mother
Sexist
Sorry, aracer. In order to be politically correct I shall try to edit my post to read 'primary carer' 
(blinkin' jargon 
). Forgive me - I'm old 
aracer
well i guess that there are times when i just feel mum would do a better job usually when i have just lost my temper.
I believe that an infant's place is with its mother
Well each to their own, but our little boy finishes nursery in two days time (off to school full time after Christmas) having been there 3 days a week since 8 months.
We've had the odd tearful day but generally over almost four years he has been very happy to go and very happy to see us in the evening - as soon as he could run he would run in.
Our school teacher friends tell us they can tell whose been to nursery because they socialise better and learn faster at school - to begin with anyway.
Personal view is that there is no right answer; all children and nurseries are different; generalisations are dangerous.
Hora - lean to live with (love even) having to run around after your children; 'cos you're going to have to for a bit.
thats a good point igm.
ours did an afternoon in nursery twice a week from one year old.
you dont want em to clingy do ya.
Couldn't agree more igm and nonk - toddlers learn valuable lessons when socialising away from their mothers primary carers but I still believe that a primary carer is exactly that, especially if the child is unwell.
Hope everything works out OK, MF - best wishes to Mrs MF for a very speedy recovery.
I believe that an infant's place is with its mother
I think this, however my wife is working 3 days a week and the twins seem to love nursery. We make every effort to collect them early and we are routinely the earliest collectors getting there for 4:45-5 if we can. Luckily our respective managers are very flexible. my wife also took 6 months unpaid leave after maternity so they didn't have to go into nursery as babies. It's worked out well, but I'd never like to be in a position where I was dropping a 9 month old baby off 5 days a week 8-6 as some people do.
and i thought this was going to be a rant about some manc garden nursery
i'll never understand why people have children, then ship them off to nursery FT (don't know if spawnofhora is FT though) when they are still babies
This is genius hora. The rumours are in fact proven to be true.
B@rney rumours?
Djlover we do the samething. I feel for those who do have to go back to work fulltime. Money constraints? Can't be easy for a newish mum leaving their child for so long
Let us knows how it goes M_F - praying for you.
Been there with suspected meningitis (after nursery sent him home cos he was 'out of sorts'...)
BTW, my wife works in a nursery and sent home child today who was ill - as said before, if in doubt, it is parents choice, not nursery.
If I had spawn of Hora it would be in a barrel being fed thru the bunghole let alone in a nursery
well i guess that there are times when i just feel mum would do a better job usually when i have just lost my temper.
Oh and they go nursery 2.5 days a week, which is about right - both love going and toddle off without a backwards glance in my direction, though they were less sure when very little.
i'll never understand why people have children, then ship them off to nursery FT (don't know if spawnofhora is FT though) when they are still babies
So what you meant is that it would be better for your kids if it was mum?
no problem aracer that is actually what i meant.
if anybody is playing judge is it is a whining hora
Hora - have you picked your child up yet?
If I could afford it we'd spend most of our time with him but then it'd end up being detrimental wouldn't it. Son do you have to go out...but son 36 is too young an age to leave home etc...
It was noticeable that our son who went at 8 months was fine with nursery (as were the other 8 monthers) but those who went at 12 months plus had real seperation issues even a couple of years later.
Small sample size - could be chance, could be the kind of parents who want their child to go sooner or to go later - who knows.
Having had first hand experience of separation 'issues' from both sides (my middle son cried every time I left him, during his first year at playgroup - heartbreaking but I was assured he soon settled once I left) I have to say to any parents going through the same thing - please persevere. I chose just one session per week for my son at age 2 3/4 which in retrospect I know was wrong - he was absolutely fine a year later when he attended 3 times a week. I agree that children who haven't had much opportunity to mix or been left with different carers do find it more difficult initially to cope with nursery - we always encourage parents/carers to say goodbye when leaving their child and not to just slip out unnoticed, but if the child cries then we encourage the carer to still leave (not as easy as it sounds), with assurance that we will call to let them know once the child has settled) which they invariably do. Often, until the child is used to being left, they will attend for a much shorter session - with the carer's co-operation separation anxieties don't last for long.
hora - Member
If I could afford it we'd spend most of our time with him
Perhaps you should have considered that before conception?
Mf hope all is ok.
hora - MemberIf I could afford it we'd spend most of our time with him
Or cut down on your spending?
It's not for me to judge other peoples choices, but 9 months?
From a personal point of view, we decided to have a child and hand in hand with that decision was the choice that Mrs STR wouldn't be going back to work until she attended school.
Without a close family circle to rely on (for various reasons I'll not go into now), the only alternative option would be to leave our child in the care of strangers.
Considering that our daughter is the most important factor in our lives without question, then that just wasn't an option. Mollycoddled, or whatever you want to call it, we're also the parents that didn't let a 5yr old go out alone, didn't let an 8yr old go further beyond the limited boundaries we set her, and still don't let a 10yr old wander the streets as freely as some parents seem to see fit.
On the flipside, we didn't move to the centre of the nearest town. like one mother we know, so that her 10yr old daughter didn't have friends on the doorstep, ergo she had no reason to leave the house unsupervised whatsoever.
Well, after 4 hours at the hospital and MORE X-rays, it turned out to 'only' be tonsillitis so she has been discharged and is currently drifting in and out of sleep.
(The rapid breathing etc, they say, is her reaction to the temperature, not infection in her lungs. )
Sometimes I wonder if it will all ever stop - and I have my mum going in for major surgery (lung cancer) on 28 Dec.
Hora, I'm starting to like you 
Without a close family circle to rely on (for various reasons I'll not go into now), the only alternative option would be to leave our child in the care of strangers.Considering that our daughter is the most important factor in our lives without question, then that just wasn't an option.
It's not for me to judge other peoples choices, but she didn't spend any time at all interacting with other children without you in attendance until she went to school? At 4 and a bit it was suddenly OK for her to be left in the care of strangers, or would you rather have kept her at home?
It's not for me to judge other peoples choices, but 9 months?
A view from the otherside of the fence for you...
Our little one is 8 months - and has just had her first 2 days at Nursery.
Now she is crawling around and investigating everything, the childcare centre is set up much better for that than our home.
I am only too aware of the importance of teaching her that she can't go touching the oven or the bin or pull the books out of the shelf etc as these are not good things for her and therefore we have to set boundaries; however, I also don't want her to be so restrained that she isn't "interested" in anything. Childcare allows for a greater balance of these things than we alone can provide her in the confines of our home.
At the nursery, she can explore, with less concern on our part as to what she will get into - no kitchen or bathrooms etc. She can learn to share and interact (as she has no brothers or sisters... yet?) with others, not just immediate family and close friends (who in general are more lenient in some ways, through familiarity). She is also learning that although Dad and Mum are always there for her, we don't need to always be there, physically. For us, doing that at school is a big change rather than the more gentle, incremental one child care offers. School will still be a big change - "why make it harder?", if you will.
As the primary carer/stay at home Dad, I can work a few hours a week now, which means a bit more money to do more things with her; we can afford swimming every week, not every fortnight. I can afford a few different toys and books for her to keep her interest etc as she grows out of her current ones. My wife and I can do things we want to do for ourselves more readily, which means we are happier, healthier and more relaxed, resulting in a more positive homelife overall for her to be raised in, in our case.
She is still the main focus for both of us; I have told my employer so, so they are well aware that I may well have to drop everything at times to go get her - the same applies for my wife.
Just some thoughts for you...
@Hora - I have to say, I agree with those that also find it funny you can rant on here, but not spare the time to go check on the little one...
But I also think that if you aren't that happy with the nursery, change it. If we get crap service at an LBS we go elsewhere and that is only for a bike - for our kids we should be ever more ready to make any changes we see as necessary.
M_F - thoughts for you and yours; when it rains, it pours...
@Hora - I have to say, I agree with those that also find it funny you can rant on here, but not spare the time to go check on the little one
He was and is fine.
I'm not going to spend the whole of winter being a nervous first-time parent.
As mentioned a few times above, there are different types of nurseries.
The purpose of the thread was to rant, not to ask for or be offered internet advice on parenting skills.
The purpose of the thread was to rant, not to ask for or be offered internet advice
If I don't want a response I tend not to post sentences with '?' at the end on a public forum.
Maybe just have a good shout when you're alone in the car next time?
Hora washing laundry in public shocker!
Just to add to the rant,
CANT BELIEVE OUR NURSERY IS SHUT FOR A BURST PIPE. THERE WILL BE A REFUND AS THEY HAVE TAKEN £100s OF US IN THE LAST 4 MONTHS WHILE THE BOY HAS BEEN AT HOME WITH SICKNESS THEY 'HAVENT SEEN ANY OTHER BABY WITH' (BS).
Dropping everything is easier said than done for alot people. (thats why a nursery is used in the first place).
Having said that, much more time at home for me and work might make it permanent, then I will be feeling the pain of looking after a child full time.
It was a rhetorical question-mark pal
Our 7 month old goes to a childminder 3 days a week. He loves it, he's socialising with other children at a young age, shows no separation anxiety at all. My wife would love to stay with him all week, but we've had to compromise with her going back to work part time. I don't see the problem with Childcare at all.
It was a rhetorical question-mark pal
Mine was an ironic post, pal.
This topic has been closed to new replies.
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