I know nuffink about geetar playing, but you seem very competent.
Only thing I’d say, is it sounds like the rhythm is a bit inconsistent; I don’t know if that’s cos of the poor sound quality, but it duzent sound ‘metronomic’ in it’s regularity, if that makes any sense. Could just my ears and not knowing the piece though. Might a metronome help? Can you get a metronome type app for a fancy ‘phone, play it back through earphones?
I’d suggest getting sumat you can record the guitar straight onto the computer though, to get the best sound reproduction. Some sort of Analogue to Digital converter type thing. I don’t think they’re all that expensive.
Then you can listen to your playing in better quality sound, and have a better idea where you’re succeeding/going wrong.
Takes some guts to bung a vid on tinternets for all the World to descend on like vultures though, so fair play. And keep playing, innit?