Our 14 yr old Boxer doesn’t have long left with us we don’t think. Took her to the vet yesterday as she has had green discharge from her nose all weekend. Either an infection or cancer. If its cancer it tends to be agressive apparently.

This morning I came downstairs and she was breathing heavily, awake but would not move. I took her out to the toilet and she nearly fell over and wouldn’t come back in the house. I carried her in and she barely lifted her head and was nearly falling over.

Jnr FD could see she wasn’t right and kept asking what’s wrong, to which we have said she is poorly. He is now at grandparents.

If we have to have whinnie put down what the heck do you tell a 2 1/2 year old? Do you let him say bye as though he’s just going to grand parents for a bit or let him be there when she goes to sleep?

Sorry my heads a bit of a mess at the minute and can’t think straight.

Our cat died when our son was a similar age. We told the truth in a kiddie appropriate kinda religious way that suited my wife and I beliefs. Basically “the cats poorly and has gone to heaven”. Has worked well when nan’s etc have since died.

Tell him the truth.
Don’t mess his head up with faerie stories – explain carefully.
Kids are bright and resilient – more so than adults.
It will also start the process of understanding that all things live, grow old and die – it’s absolutely natural, as is being very sad and upset.

PS: having seen a fair bit of Mr D’Eath I personally wouldn’t let my son be present at time of termination as I feel it would be too traumatizing, fuk it was bad enough for me to keep it together at the vets when Milo was put down.

let him say goodbye

I’m still annoyed at my dad for taking one of our dogs to the vet and not saying a word to me or my brother

Loved that dog

🙁

When we lost our Lab my youngest daughter was about that age, the dog had been unwell for a few days. I said “I’m sorry Lucy but I’ve some band news about Bramble” she replied “Awww! Has she died, she was poorly.”

Kids understand more than people give them credit for.

Can’t really offer an opinion on what to tell the little one but I’m sorry to hear about your dogs illness.
I feel for you … Difficult times

Kids often take the news better than we do, just be honest.

Contrary to popular belief, kids aren’t made of porcelain.

Alternatively, buy an identical dog and just swap it in, thus protecting the child from encountering the reality of life and death.

imo/ime the kid will might be more upset by your own reaction to the event then the event itself. (we had 3 dogs that had to go to the vets when we were kids)

i feel for you, not a nice situation to be in..

flippinheckler – Member
Kids often take the news better than we do, just be honest.

Agree. Which is why I wouldn’t let your son be present if you have the dog put down – he will be more affected by your emotional reaction than the actual process! Sad time, my condolences 🙁

edit – as porter_jamie says

ffs do not let your kid be there when you put the dog to sleep, i cant imagine any vet would let you anyway.

a 2yo wont even remember the dog, be honest, tell him the dog is very sick and has to go and wont be coming back.

And when he sees tins of dog food in the supermarket, maybe with a picture of what looks like your (ex-)dog on, it’s important not to suggest that’s where they end up …

Really sorry to hear about your dog, I don’t envy you that at all. How would you feel if you couldn’t say goodbye? Let the lad say goodbye and tell him the truth.

Generally, kids that have lost pets are better at dealing with the loss of family when that time comes.

Tell him that he’s very poorly and might die.

I don’t know why people are scared of upsetting kids when people/animals die. It’s part of life, and the sooner they learn about it properly (as appropriate to your family beliefs) the better. We explained it to our daughter, she was like ‘oh that’s bad’ and got a little down about the idea – which is fair enough.

Alternatively, buy an identical dog and just swap it in, thus protecting the child from encountering the reality of life and death

Having said all that above, we did buy two identical teddie bears when she was little, just in case 🙂

Let him say goodbye at home and take your dog the vets where you can say goodbye alone.

You will probably be in bits and it will give you time to get your head together without little FD seeing dad in pieces.

Just my 2 cents but thats how I think I would do it.

My girlfriend took our 2 year old to the vets to have the cat put down, she said good bye and could see that he was ‘gone’ and ‘stopped’ when he died and accepted it as perfectly normal.

Sad, yes but he was very poorly etc, then went and got her a cuddly toy of a black and white cat to remember him by who has slept in her bed ever since.

She was having trouble grasping the concept of death tbh and actually seeing something die seemed to help her get her head around her grandad dying.

Be honest that the dog’s poorly and the vet can’t help her get better, and that the kind thing to do is for the vet to help her to die peacefully so she isn’t poorly any more. Don’t talk about going to sleep for ever, or being put to sleep as that can cause sleep related issues in kids (they can get worried about going to sleep in case they never wake up)

as for where she goes after. That’s up to you, but IMHO (and I’m not a christian, nor an atheist, but somewhere in between, ie: I can see the comfort that faith brings to billions of people and at the same time the troubles it creates) I don’t have any worries in letting a 2.5 year old think there’s such a place as doggy heaven where she can live in comfort ever after, chasing sticks or eating bones or doing whatever dogs like to do. When JnrFD is old enough, he’ll understand why some people believe this absolutely, why it was a convenient truth at the time, and will make his own mind up. (apologies if you have a strong opinion either way, in which case do what you feel your opinion says you should do – i’m talking from a neutral standpoint here)

And absolutely let him say goodbye (but at home, not going to the vets) When our cat had to make the journey the girls said goodbye to him and went off to school as normal, wife took him to the vets while they were at school, and when they got back I’d written a letter to them from him thanking them for letting him go when he needed to, how the vet had been gentle and helped him, and how he was happy now in cat heaven where he can sleep on the beds and have chicken every day.

It sounds twee but i think it helped them (and the wife and I) to understand that he was better off wherever he was instead of selflishly keeping him struggling on because we couldn’t face up to what needed to be done.

We still talk about him and his funny ways.

The little one will be fine – you will probably be far worse. A two year old isn’t going to have the same connection with the dog as you and will cope admirably.
I’ve been there twice and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Make an appointment with the vet and try to get the appointment early in the morning as the hanging around waiting is just awful.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

Agree with above. Kid will be fine. You’ll be a mess.
Just washed my hands after burying the last of 4 spaniels 😥
About 15 and still going strong if wobbly til last night.
Going for a ride.

I think Honesty is best… nothing slips by our two year old and he’s normally more upset if we’ve tried to con him than if we’d just been straight up with him.

By all means give them the light-weight story but I’d go along the lines of very poorly and you need to say goodbye because the doggie has to go now.

Well we had to put Whinnie to sleep last Friday, and went down the route that Whinnie has died and gone to doggy heaven and wont be coming back.

There have been moments when Jnr FD has asked where Whinnie is, and he has been ok when we have told him… I guess he doesnt actually know what dying means etc.

The last couple of days he has become really clingy though, I doesnt like us leaving the house etc. He is worried that we wont come back again 🙁

We have tried to reassure him, but its not nice though…

Sounds like you handled it well though. Kids that age can be pretty ‘deep’, the cold shoulder I get when working late a lot is quite painful to endure.

I find a proper, full and fun weekend helps. Just book in loads of cool stuff and be proper close knit for a weekend and you’ll be great!

Edit: also, really sorry about the dog 🙁

Sad news (though not unexpected after your original post) 🙁

I’m sure next week will provide a distraction for your lad though; it’s good to have memories but he’ll move on.

i watched both my dogs being put down when i was a kid, helped understand why my parents were so upset and watching it happen made it easier to understand.

Children accept and recover quickly. Adults take much longer, I’m a complete mess for days when I’ve lost a pet.

You have my heartfelt sympathy and take some comfort that you gave your dog a very good life for its 14 years which is excellent for a boxer 😥

There’s a book called ‘Badgers Parting Gifts’ that is good for kids when people/pets die. It helps them understand that what/whoever is dieing is not coming back.

To be honest though, and i don’t mean this to sound harsh but, at that age he won’t remember for long. My lad was about that age when his grandma died and he doesn’t remember her, he just knows of her if that makes sense. He’s 4 1/2 now.

I cried a hell of a lot more than my 5 yo son did when we had our cat put down last new years eve. 😳

Regarding religion/heaven etc…you could just explain that ‘some people’ believe everyone goes to heaven and looks after us while we’re walking about etc. As the athiest in our family I’m not sure what I’d say.

If you get her cremated, it might be difficult to explain, but you could just say that the vet has filled the container with memories and woofs, and you’re going to bury it in the garden so we can still remember her and speak to her.

I don’t know, I have no idea about kids. I suspect I’ll be a crap dad.

the vet has filled the container with memories and woofs, and you’re going to bury it in the garden so we can still remember her and speak to her.

Mind if I use that when I have to make a difficult choice with either of my two dogs?

Dunc, my sympathies. It sounds like you gave her a good life though, so you did good.

I’m so sorry about your dog – I’ve been there myself, it really hurts.

the vet has filled the container with memories and woofs

Nailed it!

It’s why heaven was invented & children soon forget anyway….

My mate at work had to have the family cat put down & was really worried about how to tell his 7 year old son.He decided to sit his son down when he came in from school(he had a day off work to do this)& explain why it was for the best,that the cat would be in heaven etc…He told me his son listened to it all & at the end was very quite & then said,ok dad,what’s for dinner…………

We lost our border collie recently, my boy was around 21 months old. We said he had gone to heaven to chase cats. He seems more than happy with that.
No doubt Murph is too 🙂

Wish we had taken it as well 🙁 Good luck.

Kids can be very resilient but also not know how to react so say some funny things. they don’t always conform to adult expectations.

My favourite is the kid, who having had his Guinea pig put down, turned to his weeping mum and said ‘Can we get a dog now?’

We just went for bare acts with our 2-year-old when we had to have our cat put down a few months ago. Simply told her that the cat was very, very old, and she had died – she was not here any more, but we could have fun remembering her.

Seemed to work fine – she wanted to find the cat a few times, but when we reminded her that the cat had died and gone she was absolutely fine with that. She still remembers – likes sitting in the cat’s place on the sofa – but doesn’t seem to have been affected at all.