Myself and my girlfriend both have stable jobs and we own our own house in pembrokeshire. As nice as pembs is, we both feel it’s run its course and need a new start. I’ve been here 10 years now. neither of us are from here originally and we don’t have many friends here. Pembs is very cliquey and is difficult to integrate. Are we mad for wanting to leave stable jobs, sell our house that we have worked hard on and move somewhere different. I really want to move but the risks just seem huge and I’m scared of things going very wrong, especially with the financial situation as it is at the moment.

Pembs is very cliquey and is difficult to integrate

You’ve been there for 10 years? And you blame Pembrokeshire. Really?
Have you considered the possibility it might be you?
Move, go wherever your heart desires but I’m sure you will have the same problem wherever you go.

You’ve been there for 10 years? And you blame Pembrokeshire. Really?
Have you considered the possibility it might be you?

Some rural areas can be really difficult to feel accepted in if you’re not born there.

Edit – my northern dad has lived in west Cornwall since 1988 and is still regularly discriminated against (albeit mildly, but it does happen).

Cheers iolo for that.
I’m not the first to have said it about pembs and I won’t be the last! Wallop, you’re spot on.
My question really is has anyone taken on the risks of relocating,despite reservations, how did it work out

Though iolo might have been overly-harsh, there is definitely a “grass is greener” air to your question… wherever you go, making friends gets harder as you get older – you will need to make more effort. And I suspect the more rural the area, the harder it will be.

But… if you think it’s time to move, go for it. As an expat in Spain I can certainly see the appeal of changing location… What do you (both) do?

what risks? people manage to live in all sorts of places, and generally seem to get by. I have lived in Lincolnshire, Oxfordshire, Nottingham, Christchurch, Liverpool and Essex. I think you get out what put in to a certain extent, I found instead of comparing how some ‘things weren’t like this where I come from’ it’s just better to get stuck in and go with the flow.

saying that, a fresh start is a great way of meeting new people. as I said above, there is no risk.

There is no right answer to this dilemma. You could end up regretting your decision either way.

My general rule of life, though, is it’s better to regret the things you’ve done than the things you didn’t. If you’re not happy, make the move – if it doesn’t work out, move again. I realise that this is a simplistic view, but you’re young and you don’t have kids (I assume!) – try and get these things right while you still can. Things have a habit of working out OK in the end.

Let’s get some background though – where are you from and where would you like to go? What sort of work do you do?

I think my question is getting muddied a bit. The risks I’m talking about are that we are ‘comfortable’, we have a house, jobs etc and if we sell the house, change jobs, things may go wrong. It’s a lot of new things in one go. The risks I’m talking about aren’t the friends/meeting new people thing.I know plenty of people here that I say hello to, have a chat, but not people who’d I’d consider proper friends. This sounds like a sob story now . It’s the stuck in a rut thing that needs to be broken. My head says stay but my heart says go for a fresh start, pep life up again!
Molgrim, I’m a hydraulic flood modeller. I’m from wolves and my gf is from Manc.

I think whatever happens, it will be really important to make sure that you do something you both want. No point one of you having to persuade the other – it’ll only end in resentment.

I’ve not relocated in the last ten years, so I can’t offer you any specific advice, but I’d say if it’s what you both want, you’ll make it work. Good luck!

Edit – my northern dad has lived in west Cornwall since 1988 and is still regularly discriminated against (albeit mildly, but it does happen).

My (northern) brother lived there for 2 years and gave up hope of ever feeling integrated. Going into work (repairing electronic tills in supermarkets) and being called a ‘Grockle’ and being told to go back home (by supermarket employees) finally he gave up.

The whole family seem so much happier back in North Yorkshire.

So, basically you’re saying you have the heart of a gypsey and the head of a normal person? I’m confused.

Always better to regret something you have done rather than something you haven’t. Move or you’ll never know!

I still don’t get what can go wrong – yes selling and buying houses is a load of ball ache and stress. finding a new job will presumably be the most difficult thing. clearly you are not absolutely happy with your current situation, so surely you need to do something about it. at the very least apply for some jobs and go to some interviews.

I’m a scientist. Not relocating (often overseas) would be a novelty. 12 years in one place is the longest I’ve had, and that’s ending shortly.

Move! Life’s to short and all that. Not sure how you can be sure how to find somewhere you’ll be happy. It’s only small places that are likely to be unfriendly places? My part of Surrey seems surprisingly friendly.

Cheers for the constructive advice. I’m normally a laidback, try it and see what happens sort of bloke, but for some reason this decision is proving tough. looking at shrewsbury, which I know well and glossop, which my gf knows well. Just need to bite the bullet!!

Shropshire’s a great place, getting to know it as my parents retired to Church Stretton a few years back – seem to have settled in well there.

The In-Laws are from Pembrokeshire with many of the OH’s family still there. Them that have left and gone back aren’t too bad, but those that have never left…

Don’t the EA have a presence in Shrewsbury? I know at least 3 people from that area who work there – ideal for your flood modelling!

Lots of good mountain biking in the area.

I worked for the ea, and now the Welsh equivalent, and check for jobs in shrewsbury with them each week. No luck yet though.

Shropshire is ace. My favourite county!

I’ve just moved from somewhere I was occaisionally made to feel like an outsider.
Not far, but the new place is so much friendlier.
Outwardly similar areas, even those close to each other, can have a totally different feel to them.

Every area has some bloody miserable places where it always feels like a rainy Sunday afternoon in winter – ever been to Bacup? 😀

‘Remember, whatever the cost
You have to burn all the bridges you’ve crossed
Because the Devils you’ve yet to behold
Are better by far than the Devils you know.’

My family is from Pembs, but I grew up in England, and it is as you say, if you’re not local you never will be. By the sounds of it you don’t have kids which was the easiest way into the community when I was there. Like any rural place you only become accepted if you’re active in the community. We got the local schools parent teacher association back up and running which helped enormously with intergration.
The only question I’d ask in your shoes would be – if I don’t like it can I go back? Pembs has a hell of a lot going for it in terms of being by the sea and open spaces, but competition for decent jobs is fierce as there are so few of them.
Good luck whatever you decide.