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Mother in Law - Rant

30 posts & 28 voices | Started 2 years ago by chameleon78 | Latest reply from thegreatape

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chameleon78 - Member

Does anyone else have issues with their Mother in Law???!

Since the birth of my daughter in Feb mine has pretty much interferred with how we are trying to raise her. First off it was trying to push my wife onto bottle feeding because at first she struggled with breat feeding, we eventually dual fed because we worried she was losing weight, now she is pretty much on the bottle, I feel we were pushed into it to soon and should've stuck with breast. Now she is harping on about sleep patterns and how in her day babyis slept all day and night and only woke for food. we have got a decent routine going but she still has to chip in and refer back to her good housekeeping baby book from 30 f'in years ago.

I have had 2 bust ups with her where i have basically said i appreciate her help but she isn't helping by adding extra worry and anxiety every time we see her and it isnt required.

Am i over reacting? it makes me so mad that my wife tolerates it without saying anything, it concerns me that this interference will go on throughout my daughters life if one of us doesn't say something.

Sorry for rant but i'm sat at said M-in-L's and have nowhere to release !!

Posted 2 years ago #
freeform5spot - Blocked

don't get me started......

Posted 2 years ago #
khani - Member

les dawson wasnt making it up you know

Posted 2 years ago #
chameleon78 - Member

hmmm!!!

Posted 2 years ago #
Marmoset - Member

Loads of issues - just gotta put your foot down and make them realise that it's your child. Same as yours, loads of suggestiosn that don't need to be suggested and the general impression that it's almost said to cause trouble and confusion.

My dad also had to do the same with his MIL when I was a baby....

Posted 2 years ago #
flippinheckler - Member

Need to be firm and tell her her advice is not needed unless you or your wife ask for it, she needs to respect your wishes.

Posted 2 years ago #
sweepy - Member

If like most parents you're going to use her as unpaid childcare then you have to put up with a certain amount. Plus never interfere in the relationship between two women, especially Mother/daughter or sisters. You wont get thanked. Probably loudly and at length.
I can sympathise tho- my Mother in law is an absolute psycho.

Posted 2 years ago #
ron jeremy - Member

No children at the moment, yet I still refer to her as 'The Queen of the World' would happily trade her for some badly puntured innertubes, thankfully she lives in Bognor so many many miles away, small miracles and all that

Posted 2 years ago #
epicyclo - Member

The problem is your m-in-l knows the things you don't know, and knows from experience how things can go disastrously wrong very quickly.

Posted 2 years ago #
Amos - Member

Ah just kick her the fanny! She'll stop interfering then!

Posted 2 years ago #
chameleon78 - Member

or thinks she knows......

Posted 2 years ago #
valleydaddy - Member

sounds familiar nuff said or I'll get in trouble - again!!!

Posted 2 years ago #
ratadog - Member

It's very clear: your mother's here to stay.
Not just a year, but ever and a day.
She came to stay just for Mother's Day,
With the kids and you and me,
And that was Mother's Day of 1953.

If it appears that I've become a grouch,
It's all these years of sleeping on the couch.
I hear Gibraltar just tumbled, the Rockies just crumbled,
I knew they'd go some day, but
Your mother's here to stay.

If she'd go back, if she'd just say goodbye,
I'd help her pack, and as she left, I'd cry.
She just complains, with her aches and pains,
And her arteries are hard.
How come she's out there playing leap frog in the yard?

Her evening snack would feed a herd of elk.
Then she sits back, and watches Lawrence Welk.
I'm taking you and the cherubs, and just like the Arabs,
We'll silently steal away, and
Leave Mother here to stay.

Allan Sherman, parodying "Our love is here to stay" and influencing among others Weird Al Yankovic.

Some things never change.

Posted 2 years ago #
stumpyjon - Member

Talk to your wife first, if she doesn't see things your way you're on a hiding to nothing. If she's as fed up as you, you both need to make a stand. You need to make your own mistakes and what is right for you may be very different from right was right for the M in L.

Luckily my mother in law lives a long way away and was actually quite helpful and rarely tried to stick her nose in so I'm really lucky.

Posted 2 years ago #
DaddyPig - Member

Take my mother in law..... Please

Posted 2 years ago #
Talkemada - Blocked

MIL.....ILF?

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

Stick with it, listen and do things if you think it works. Sometimes try them even if you think it won't because they can be right. My mil equally frustrates and helps us so I try to ignore the annoying traits. As has been said, she'll be a regular babysitter so you need her on your side...

Posted 2 years ago #
TooTall - Member

You could alway try not dealing with it and asking a forum full of middle-aged cyclists what to do next.

There is an awful lot to be said for living a long way away from either family - but then again we both get on with respective elders. You need to put it into context too - having kids is not new - she has experience (although in a different age) and you don't. All babies are different and just remind her of that because no two sets of parents have the same experiences.

Posted 2 years ago #
lodious - Member

Dude, I empathise with your plight. I think it's something that most male parents (myself included) have been through. It feels horrible... the loss of control, the crossing of boundaries which feel so crucial to maintain , the feeling of betrayal by your partner if she sides with an opinion outside the family unit which you are trying hard to build. Throw in a lack of sleep, the fact your world is upside down and your going up a steep learning curve with parenthood and it's a heady mix.
It's a bummer, but the fact is, it's a continuum. Just like water evaporates to form clouds which fall as rain, like the moon pulls on tide, like night follows day, mother in law's will express an opinion, which at a very basic level wives will want to respond to.
Your wife tolerates it without saying anything because her mothers opinion, like it or not, will carry a lot of sway at a very basic human level. It might go on forever, but now is not the time to worry about that. Most likely outcome is that in 6 months time, things will have moved on. You and your wife will have more confidence, be better rested, your daughter will be dishing out smiles which will lighten up your life. What your going through is hard, but it gets a lot easier, and quickly.
Your not over reacting, I remember pulling into a lay-by on the way to work and repeatedly punching the steering wheel to try to vent some anger at my parents in law's inference. But the fact is, there is nothing you can do about it, so vent on this forum, feel murderous thoughts when your out riding, and put up with the shit like every other male parent

Posted 2 years ago #
RustyNissanPrairie - Member

Me and Mrs Nissan Prairie are happily living with her parents and have been for the last 2 years whilst we've been gutting our house. Its been fine-no problems at all.

Posted 2 years ago #
samuri - Member

She's always right, because she's your wife's mum. It's exactly the same as dealing with your wife. You could argue every single point and create an existance from hell, or you could smile big and let her have her way.

Ladies can argue for ever about nothing at all, can you?
Or would you rather spend your life doing fun things?

I know which choice I took very early on after a couple of bust ups with my wifes sisters. Let the womenfolk sort it out.

If you really want to influence things, plant seeds, don't dominate, just make a lateral suggestion that will ensure the suggestee jumps to the right conclusion all by themselves. Then you get what you want and they think they thought of it.[1]

[1]This method works with all power hungry people like bosses and MIL's, and now it's yours, free of charge,

Posted 2 years ago #
rusty trowel - Member

No comment - missus may read this I feel your pain.

Posted 2 years ago #
konabunny - Member

you could always try turning her daughter against her and poisoning their relationship

Posted 2 years ago #
BillyWhizz - Member

what's happening now is the thin end of the wedge mate! Sort it out NOW or prepare for a world of hurt that will last a life time! I know what I'm talking about here (for once).

And unless she's a bitch (and I doubt she's that bad really) she will still want to help out and look after the baby etc - it's her grandchild after all.

Posted 2 years ago #
uplink - Member

My mother in law is Italian & used to [still does] interfere to Olympic standard

but ......
she's [usually] miles away & I often can't understand what the hell she's rabbiting on about as I've never learned Latin sign language

works for me

Posted 2 years ago #
hora - Member

Unless she lives close by let your mother in law say whatever she wants. She wont be around one day and its her worry & anxiety showing. Counter this by arguing and where does it get you?

You don't have to actually DO what she says. If you say 'yes totally, will do and thank you'...see what happens.

Posted 2 years ago #
yunki - Member

get her drunk and seduce her

Posted 2 years ago #
monkey_boy - Member

my god i knew i shouldnt have come in here...

baby due in 3-4 weeks now and the mother in law over the last 9 months has changed....

she was chilled out but soon as she knew her daughter was pregnant she has gone into overdrive!

'nesting instict' jaysus!!

the inlaws came over and helped me decorate (just the living room)... yes im not the best but telling me what to do in my own house, take 3 hours to paint a fekin skirting board, oh while were here lets rip the coving down and re do it, oh now lets do the stairs and lanindg, oh that baby room needs another 2 coats repeat to fade...

im just worried she is going to get even worse when the baby arrives, what makes it worse is she retired last week aswell so she will have **** all to do all day, i have nightmare visions of coming home after a hard day and she is there with a duster 'tutting' at me as i walk in.

then on the flip side as mentioned above, she will be providing in essence FREE child care so i guess i should button it for a while.

it is very hard though, the amount of times i have agreed for the sake of it then argued with the wife when she has gone.

i can see now why the father in law plays golf every day...

best of luck.

and yes... les dawson was right!

Posted 2 years ago #
Spud - Member

I would describe my relationship with mine as getting along. Which is fine, they only live 6 doors from us and to be honest we rarely see them. Good to pop round for Sunday dinner and when we need a hand quickly but that's it. I'm sure my wife would argue that mine are the slightly over-bearing 'do it like this' in-laws though.

Posted 2 years ago #
thegreatape - Member

What samuri said.

Posted 2 years ago #