Reading another thread, reminded me of a wipeout from my yoof.

Torquay harbourside. By an old place called Coral Island, there was a set of metal steps leading from the top of a 3 storey open air car park down to the road, where there were slipways for launching boats and the such like.

We used to get stupid and launch ourselves off at stud-like mph and clear as many steps as we could, followed by a “dldldldldldld” sound as we glided over the rest of the steps, and stopped at the bottom to round of applause and girls offering phone numbers/knickers.

We did this many, many times over the years..

One day, and I don’t know why it only happened to me, and only once….I did the deed, lauched, got mahoooosive air….gliding IN SLOW MOTION…..

….landed

…perfectly

…but

…went too far before braking..

..and ended up going over the road and down the aforementioned slipway for launching boats, losing my front wheel in one of the intentional gaps in the slipway, where the bike stopped immediately and I got thrown straight into the air..

BANG! SCRAAAAPE! and of course….Splosh..

No phone numbers or knickers were offered.

😆

Forgetting which brake was which on a steep hill, 2 weeks amnesia, broken cheekbone, skin graft…the worst was being carted into surgery mid way through watching Airwolf.

Have now worn a helmet for the last 27 years.

It was dark, and raining, and the skip was unlit….
Interestingly, the frame was bent at each lug, and the front forks bent back so much the front tire was punctured by the chain ring, but the front wheel was fine. Shows how strong spokes are.

Forgetting which brake was which…

I once did this after tuning my brakes up to their most powerful skidding potential, immediately heading out to our favourite skidding spot (which was a long stretch of gravelly road).

I very nearly landed on my feet again after doing a forward flip over the bars.

Deciding to give my Raleigh Burner a really good clean, taking the front wheel off to clean the forks and forgetting to tighten it back up

Faceplant onto cobbles in the back street, still got 2 chipped front teeth from that incident, call it character.

Oh yeah that was about 28 years ago.

Most stupid one recently was adjusting the dials on the top of the Rockshox and bouncing the front to see what difference it made and next thing being on the floor.

Think i slammed the front brake on 😳

Hmm, okay then:

Exhibit 1: About 6 years old, at a friend’s house, who has a steep driveway down to the road. We built a ramp at the bottom of the driveway and I was first to go down on my Raleigh Pickle. When positioning the ramp, we had neglected to notice the lamp post. I broke my wrist. Still rode my bike home, though 😉

Exhibit 2: About 15 years old, riding my bike home, and tried riding no-hands. Done it before, easy. Then think to myself “I wonder if I can take my jumper off while I’m riding?” Got as far as getting it over my face, then it all went wrong. I’ve still got the big chainring scar on my ankle.

Exhibit 3: About 16, riding my Speed Ross recumbent – it’s got overseat steering with bars that curve down quite a bit. At a sharp corner, I turned and got the bar caught under my knee. Couldn’t pedal, or straighten up, so went in a rapidly decreasing spiral and fell off.

Exhibit 4: About 17, also riding a recumbent, this time home from the pub. Was doing well – had my lights on, wasn’t wobbling too much, was at the proper distance from the left kerb. It was only when I saw the oncoming lights that I realised I was on the wrong side of a dual carriageway. Bailed off into the central reservation.

I’m sure there are more 😀

We used to jump a big grassy verge on the local park, you could get some serious air off of it, the only downside was the metre squared grid on the other side.
I got huge air off of it realised mid air I hadn’t got the speed to carry the grid, landed front wheel first which fit perfectly between the bars of the grid. Instant deacceleration for the bike with me going flying.

Or my personal fav was before health and safety became a big deal there is a canal bridge that is about 3/4 of a mile long, to ride the canal you go up past the bridge cross a road and carry on. The other side of the bridge is a big downhill which you can ride really quickly. Not checking out the hazards ahead I just went for it, no railings on the other side of the bridge so instead of a sharp left and rejoining the tow path I did about a 15ft drop off right into the canal!

There are many more but I won’t bore you.

Remembered another good one – at Mugdock, riding my offroad StreetMachine:

With underseat bars, you’ve got nothing in front of you to hit – bombing down a track, I completely missed the narrow bridge over a ditch. The bike basically just vanished from under me, and suddenly I was running down the path by myself 😉

Looks like you could catch your bollocks on a very sharp chainring to me! 😳

True, but the rest of the time they’re not being crushed by a skinny saddle, so on average I’m ahead in the gonad department 😉

A housemate of mine suggested we ride some cheeky local singletrack for an hour or two before it got dark. Into the trails we go- we had a blast, it was fast dusty and generally lovely and warm. Even the Bluebells were out lining the trail. Me and my other housemate lead out down the most technical bit of trail on this particular ride- we were having it and really flying. We ducked under a tree branch and lined up the next couple of switchbacks when…..THUD!…followed by quite a few loud expletives.
We stopped and looked round- no Tubby (that was his Nickname). Just more expletives from the trees.
So we go back to find him hugging a tree with his bike looking like it was shagging another tree. He looked pretty dazed and confused, it was obvious what happened. After we sat him down and he came back to his senses he levelled the blame at us two- more expletives followed.
“You didn’t F***** tell me there was a F**** tree there!”
To which my other housemate replied “It’s a F**** woodland- of course there’s F**** tree’s in it!”. I wish i’d have got some pictures.