I writing this to distract me from the fact I have two suppositories inserted deep into my rectum at the moment don’t read if your are squmism or don’t like poo.

I’m back home from my appendix operation which a success thanks for folks support. although i think it was a lot more brutal than your average appendix op given the pain i’ve been in and the brusing have. It has meant I’ve been on the full wack of tramadol with morphine top ups.

I saw a lot of things i didn’t like about the NHS whilst I was there and also some desperately sad cases of people battling terminal cancer which inspiring how stoical people are and put my issues into insignificance i’ll better in a few weeks I doubt if some of the folk i shared the ward with will ever leave.

As many you will know that opiates such as morphine induce constipation. According to the film transpotting coming off them results in chronic diarrhea in my case it couldn’t be less true. The combination of morphine, lying down for five days and the essentially fruit or veg less food that I have eaten since ive been in hospital has resulted in a solid lump of impacted poo the diameter of a wine bottle stuck at the wrong side of my bum bum.. It simply to big to pass and ever so slightly uncomfortable.

So I call my GP practice nurse ho very helpful she prescribed stool softerner for my future babies and has recommended some “glycerol suppositories” which soften the stool of doom. Kindly my wife pooped out of work to bring me my softners of the stool. Well the first two fail completely to do anything as I didn’t inset them deep enough. With the third one in place I lie down reduce the effects of gravity and do bit of surfing. After about 30 minutes I can feel the urge to dump. I run to the loo in hope but all that I expel is the dissolved capsule mixed in the poo like a stinky hp sauce. But because my ring in battered and this mixture has no viscosity I can’t stop it from flowing so now i’m stuck with a massive poo with no where to go and anal leakage. On my first day out of hospital when supposed to be resting i’ve spent over 7 hours trying to poo, i’ve not taken any painkiller to see that will help so im in agony and all the pushing is straining my wound.

I suppose I’m frustrated as I can see if this doesn’t pass soon I’ll end up back in A&E tonight and probably not get seen till late tonight. It annoys me that the ward I was on who essentially are responsible for my condition have no responsibility to sort this out and I have to go back into the cycle GP and A&E to be seen by someone

Look I know its only a poo and there are people who are far worse off than me, I didn’t intend to spend the day on the Loo.

I have inserted two to see if that works and i’m sat on a plastic sheet

You need some Picolax…..

😯

can you not give yourself some kind of rectal lobotomy, a lobottomy, if you will? 🙂
stick something like a drum stick (not the chicken sort) up there and wave it around a bit*
.
I’m not a doctor, in case you were wondering, so don’t blame me if something goes wrong

my wife pooped out of work

And here’s you, unable to poo. Is she taking the piss out of you?

Let’s get a tally going: how many people thought “Picolax” upon reading the first sentence?

Two so far!

Hope you can ‘pass’ soon…

Kindly my wife pooped out of work

😆

EDIT: damn your fast fingers!!

One day you’ll look back on this and laugh!

Soon hopefully.

Colonic irrigation. Stick the shower hose up your bum

EDIT: I am not a doctor

Dude, I can entirely sympathise with your discomfort. Have bottom problems which have been going on for nearly 2yrs. No advice, sorry, as I’m in a different situation, but you have my utmost sympathies!

More toiltet [sic] problems

Work it out with a pencil?

I was in hospital for 3.5 months after a car crash, if you hadnt passed a solid in 3 days it was enema time, no messing about two syringes and that was it.

Ha! Maybe I should be a doctor

I am not a doctor.

or if that fails

again, I’m no doctor

You need Carol Vordeman, she can work anything out with a pencil!!!

IGMC

There you go.

Over the counter tools for the job(bie)

Tell your missus to watch she doesn’t hit her thumb.

Please let us know how it comes out

All my ideas have already been suggested…except call Dynorod or try some poppers to help you ‘relax’.

BTW I am a Doctor but not a medical one!

45 minutes of holding the suppositories in, hp sauce all down my legs luckily i tucked my pj bottoms into my socks, 5 minutes of crying in agony 5 minutes of crying in joys

i gave birth to this
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEdOqYEwcT8[/video]

Seriously im so revealed back to the Tramadol

hahahaha

Did you have a Hamlet ready to light up in the bathroom afterwards?

(partly to get rid of the smell 😕 )

Bigger or smaller than one of these?

it was the width in three chuncks about the same length. I feel like i’ve been on a date with John Holmes

What an ironic nickname too!

Has your ass slammed shut again or are you driving with the tail gate open?

driving with the tail gate open

Did you hear about the maths teacher with constipation?

He worked it out with a slide rule.

Well that’s a shitter!

Drink plenty of water, and get some Movicol from the chemist, along with plenty of toilet roll.

Second the Movicol, but don’t get impatient, thinking it hasn’t worked and then have another. And another.
(I felt SO bad for my husband when he did this but really!)

Do any newbies need the picolax reference explaining?

Stainy – I feel for you, but I have to admit the picolax reference had me doubling up with tears of laughter. Hope everything goes well for you.

Why did i read this thread 😯

If OP is still struggling ,he may need to read the “rim swap” thread above.
Ian

I know exactly what you are talking about.

Double hernia repair and a night in with Tramodol and Morphine .
Kicked out next day and sent home.
3 days later sat on loo for a few hours , cannot push to attempt to dislodge the log as the pain was just too much .

My poor mum was dispatched to the chemists ( bear in mind my dear departed father had died a few months before of a ‘bottom related illness’ ) She was in her 60’s and returned with said Glycerine suppository’s and 2 tins of prunes , because back in the olden days you ate a tin of prunes and were cured .

Followed by rather awkward child like conversations through the bathroom door , and me wishing my mum would go for a long walk , far far away .

Had to use them for about a week after that , and still have the bloody tins of prunes sitting in my kitchen cupboard .

Fun times .

bloody tins of prunes

you’re not supposed to use them as suppositories you know?

and if you do at least clean the tins before storing for future use.

Did you have to lower it down by hand to protect the porcelain?

i’ll shall go get the prunes I had few sachets of stool softner already but I’ve got another week on the tramadol. I did think about picolax but if i’d have take that I would have exploded.

Lactulose helped me a lot after 5 days of morphine..was chugging that stuff for a coupla weeks twice daily after i had my ankle pinned and plated. Needed a different kind of intervention for my bladder tho.. (shudders..)

Do google for “Manual evacuation”

You did ask…..Uhhgg

Help is at hand…..