I found out yesterday that a good friend of mine, who I haven’t seen for a few years, passed away. A girl in her mid 30-s who possibly had issues with depression.

I’m devastated. Even though we hadn’t been in touch for a while she was incredibly important to me and all I can see is her face around me now. Such a sweet, gentle person, deep, intelligent and interesting. I always felt special to be lucky enough to have her attention in conversation and know her as a friend.

I have sent a message to her boyfriend of 13 years but can’t ask him what happened as I don’t know how to. I’ve never had someone who I care about so much pass away and don’t now what way’s up and what way’s down right now.

Can’t believe I’ll never see her again.

Horrible feeling losing someone in their prime like that. It has unfortunately happened all to often for me. Please accept my condolences. 🙁

Really sorry to hear that. I had the same last year. The same feeling of unreality. Keep talking about it. It is important.

Talk about it and don’t shy away from the boyfriend he will need to talk a well.

I’ve lost a few friends over the last few years – it hurts

Sad news mate, im gutted for you. I lost my best mate (since we were kids) to suicide. That was 6 years ago. Your head will be all over the place, trying to find sense and rationale where there are none. As eddie above said, keep talking about it. And i know its hard, but the “good times” are important – try and keep them to the forefront of your mind. Celebrate the memories & you’ll remember this girl the way she’d want you to remember her.

Its a cliche, but time is a great healer. Things are raw at the moment. Take it one day at a time.

Keep your head up & focus on the positive.

All the best.

I lost a friend recently. This…

Can’t believe I’ll never see [them] again.

…is very much the prevalent thought over the last few weeks. I haven’t managed to deal with it yet – don’t really know how. Can’t even bring myself to look at some photos at the moment.

Hope you have a better time of it than me and find a place for your grief.

Sorry for your loss O.P.

As others have said, talk about it to someone close to her or your other friends.

Get outside too and keep busy.

Turns out the boyfriend was in France visiting his mum and she’d been at home in Glasgow, not answering calls for a few days. Friends got no answer knocking the door so the boyfriend called the police who entered the flat and found her.

It’s a nightmare to think she suffered at the end.

You’re in shock and grieving.

Just remember the way she used to live when you knew her when she was happy.

I lost a friend last year to suicide, same age.

It’s a **** and no doubt it hurts when it hits. We managed to get a few answers and his girlfriend was honest enough about what the note said. It gets better with time but even now I see folk in the street and for a split second I’m convinced it’s him.

Asking the boyfriend for info is fair enough but personally I’d be waiting for him to either tell you or speak to him face to face. Believe me, the last thing those close to her want right now is to be bombarded with the same questions (which they may not even know the answer to!) by random folk they barely know. There’s a time for that and right now isn’t it.

But yes, talking about it is good. Having been there I can say it gets better but the feeling never goes away.

My condolences, it’s a horrid way to hear about an old friend after not seeing them for a while.

I lost touch with Anita Bawtree, after she helped me through my darkest days in the early 2000s, only to hear over the radio at work in 2011 that she had been stabbed multiple times by her partner since ~2002 during an horrendous police standoff at their flat on Paynes Road in Shirley.

I’m pally enough with the boyfriend so I didn’t feel too bad asking him. Certain things are just making it so bad – the fact she never met my wee boy or girl, the fact we’d been in touch not a month ago about catching up sometime, certain phrases I use in almost everyday life now were directly from her… 🙁

Yep, usually the regrets are about the things not done. The important thing is to focus on the things you did do together, the things that make her the person you feel so strongly about losing.
Remember that the person you knew would not be wanting you to feel like this. Don’t let her down.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Such a sweet, gentle person, deep, intelligent and interesting.

This is the exact same way I would describe someone I knew who died a year ago. Underneath the smile, and the jokes, was a very sensitive person who was in mental anguish every day. Also around the same age.

I spoke to a mutual friend a while back. He said something I’d noticed but not really thought about, that even when smiling, our friend had the saddest eyes you’d ever seen.

And yet the rough, the selfish, the superficial and manipulative prosper. There is something very wrong with this world of ours.

I’ve rationalised that this is precisely because they don’t care – it’s a lot tougher being somebody who does.

Really sorry to hear about your loss dan (and everybody else on here) – I wish anything I write could help.

Sorry to hear that Dan, the sort of thing you think that happens to ‘other people’ but not you and yours….

I’m pally enough with the boyfriend so I didn’t feel too bad asking him.

I wouldn’t be asking, basically as I don’t ever feel the need to know (it’s never going to be good, is it?) and I don’t want to make people feel worse than they do by going over it again…

Sorry mate, just my thoughts on it.

Over the years (starting aged 4) I have lost family members and friends to illness, accidents and in one (famous) case, suicide.

FWIW, I talk to both my suicided friend and lost sister in my head, every day.

Seems to help, perhaps it might for you too, eventually.

Sorry for your loss. 🙁

Sorry to hear that. My condolences.

Thanks for all the words, they mean a lot. Greg I absolutely want to know exactly what happened… horrendous or not, I can’t learn to deal with the unknown. If I know I feel I’ll be able to understand her more and accept what she’s gone through. I’m sure if you see my facebook page you’ll see her.

I’m going to download a load of photos from her facebook so I’ve always got things to remember her by. There are pictures of us both hanging out, times were so happy and relaxed, fun and interesting. We had a great circle of friends and I can still hear her laugh

I’m sorry to hear that and am sorry for your loss.

A few years ago I lost a friend who I hadn’t seen in a year to suicide. I don’t know the full details of how but I do know something of the why. I kept meaning to ask for a bit more info from people closer who may have known more but never got round to it. I’d say that if you really want to know what/how/why then just ask. I wish I had as I think it would have helped in my case.

Fair enough Dan, we all deal with stuff differently.

All the best mate.

The update is that she died by asphyxiation with a bag. My brain won’t allow me to think about it.. .rather I’ve filed it away as a distant event and I’m sure she’ll get in touch one day for a long overdue catch up over a pint. The poor soul

Dan so sorry to hear that, I have only had experience of friends of my partners who have commited suicide and it eats at the very heart of my being, not sure if knowing how has helped us or not, only you will know that in your friends case. Hope you are able to find some peace with the knowledge.

An old pal of mine took his life last month. It was his second attempt, this time he took pills and set his house alight. I hadn’t seen him in ages, we got up to lots of shit years back and memory after memory have resurfaced since. I can’t connect the person I knew with what happened, don’t think I ever will. His funeral was standing room only, everyone was in pieces, I just watched it all unfold unable to grieve, I still feel really confused why he chose to do what he did, he’s left a trail of destruction in his wake and it doesn’t fit with the person I knew for 25 years. The worst mistake he ever made and totally avoidable. A total waste. I don’t know you but I’m sorry for your loss and particularly with how she ended her life. Suicide is bloody awful.

When I read the OP I thought of my friend and ex partner who walked under a train a few months back. I am still always thinking this is what I’ll say to her, this is what we’ll do, and it will all be Ok. You are not alone in your grief. It is sad, really sad, and always will be but time will smooth over it.

I don’t think there are answers, its something about the human condition. But there are well wishes, have some from me..stay good.

as others have said really sorry to hear.

again really important to talk it through.

I think sometimes it helps to talk to people you don’t know so you can be completely honest and open and laid bare about your feelings.
You have to grieve.

Sometimes it is useful to talk to the people like the Samaritans, they speak to a lot of people who feel like you do and there isn’t a magic fix and life can be complete crap at times but you need to make sure you’re ok.

Sometimes we don’t realise how those close to us see the world and their demons.

it sounds like she left a positive mark in life, that is what we all aim for I’m sure.

We are all too ashamed of mental health, and we shouldn’t be. I meet a lot of people, ask them lots of very personal questions and we all have our fears, our doubts and our skeletons.

If you want to talk OP please send me a message.