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Lady next door with dementia

24 posts & 19 voices | Started 3 years ago by nickname | Latest reply from WTF

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nickname - Member

I live in a block of flats. The lady next door is probably in her 80's, and suffering from what I think is dementia.

This evening she knocked on my door, saying that couldn't remember what flat number she lived at (she lives next door).

I tried to be helpful, asking whether she could call anyone she knew, or where she had been...she was basically not making much sense. Saying that she didn't know if she lived here anymore, and that she thought she was meant to be up town meeting someone.

She also thought she had the keys to the flat, but could not remember where they keys were - after about 15 mins she remembered they were on a chain around her neck.

If she hadn't had found her keys, what would have been the right action? Call the police? Call the management company? I did mention calling the management company for her, but she didn't want that.

I have a feeling this is going to happen again as she's getting worse. It's only me that opens the door to her. Sadly everyone else in our block doesn't seem that neighbourly.

Posted 3 years ago #
ton - Member

well done mate...
i would have called the police and asked their advice.

Posted 3 years ago #
GrahamA - Member

Under the circumstances I would have called Social Services. They will have an emergency response team who exist to deal with these problems.

Posted 3 years ago #
shinsplints - Member

Is she fit ???......**hides***

Posted 3 years ago #
nickname - Member

I'll grab some numbers for social services just in case.

I did try to ascertain whether she had any family. She thought that she had a son, but she had no phone numbers. She then said she had a friend that lived locally that she could go to, but I asked her where, and she didn't really know the directions.

She was pretty frightened and was brave to admit she has these problems. It was quite a scary experience really...

Posted 3 years ago #
grizzlygus - Member

Call your local authority's social services department on Monday saying that you are a concerned neighbour and wish to report a vulnerable elderly person.

I did that myself for my neighbour a couple of weeks ago - she lives on her own and is 98
Although she definitely has all her marbles - she tells me that I'm more daft than she is

She's probably right mind

Posted 3 years ago #
Steve-Austin - Member

I think that calling the police would be a good idea if/when she does this again.....the police can pass this on to social services if they have concerns about this lady.

She sounds very vulnerable, especially if she did go out thinking that she was meeting someone....its very cold outside.

Good for you for helping her out!

Posted 3 years ago #
fastindian - Member

Good for you fella, I think the kindest thing to do would be to ring social services, I would. They can assess her and get her the help she needs.

Posted 3 years ago #
dobo - Member

maybe try the 101 service for non emergency "things"

Posted 3 years ago #
Sandwich - Member

Does she still see her family? If so can you get their contact details in case of emergency? This may be less stressful for her than social services.
Well done for being a good samaritan.

Posted 3 years ago #
MrNutt - Member

I'd give them a call sooner rather than later, better safe than sorry.

Posted 3 years ago #
Mr_Krabbs - Member

the police are pretty good in these situations. I once saw a guy acting strangely on my way home from work (he was standing in the road on the corner) thought maybe he was just waiting for someone. when i went out a bit later he was further up the road, still in the road but now turning around in circles. I phoned the police and said i was worried he was gonna get ran over. they got a car there pretty quick. Coaxed him into the car and took him home. I got a call from his parents saying thank you and he was in hospital and on the mend.
it might be worth calling them in the mean time, as if things are that bad, she could end up doing herself some damage.

Posted 3 years ago #
pk-ripper - Member

I had this with a couple that lived upstairs from me. John who was about 900 (the boyfriend) knocked on my door at 8am just as I was leaving for work, insisting he'd just arrived home from national service in greece, and needs to pay me money for rent and then go and renew his papers. Erm, second world war posting...

So, I took him back to his flat, and got the senile old woman up too to make sure she'd take him in, but he didn't recognise her. But she let him in anyway.

Then, about a week later, she had a fall and was taken to hospital, and about a week later at 4 am he decides to try and get into their flat again, and was banging on all the doors and screaming for the woman to let him in, but she obviously wasn't there. So, I gave the police a quick ring, explained the situation and they came and helped him away. Sadly, the old woman died shortly afterwards, and I'm not sure what happened to John, but not seen him since.

I think you have to be patient with this woman, and help her as best you can. If you can get her chatting and find out the details of any next of kin, give them a call. It's only if it happens at odd hours that it gets different.

But, apparently these old people with dementia are in demand from historians and the like, as whilst their current memories are fading, they're able to be remarkably lucid about events that have happened in the past and can provide personal accounts of these.

Posted 3 years ago #
grizzlygus - Member

Can I just emphasise just how important it is imo to contact social services asap. She won't get any better, and social services won't cause her any stress - they will have highly trained staff who specialise in elderly people and are not intrusive. They have to work within a lot of legal constraint. They will asses her and only act with her full agreement (as long as she has the mental capacity)

Posted 3 years ago #
Steve-Austin - Member

I don't know if you have had any experience in trying to refer anyone to the SS but its almost impossible because they will trot out the line about does the person know you are calling?

so its the Police everytime

Unless you want to get into making a referral to SS for hours

Posted 3 years ago #
jahwomble - Member

Really, call social services or if not available your local a+e department, I work in mental health and all the a+e departments around here have a duty psychiatrist and a crisis team on call 24-7-365 days, I assume that yours will as well unless you live right out in the sticks,It's going to be bloody cold out tonight if she decides to go walkabout outside. They will have a crisis team on duty, paid and trained for this sort of thing.

Posted 3 years ago #
grizzlygus - Member

they will trot out the line about does the person know you are calling?

I never had that problem - all I said was that I was a 'concerned neighbour'. They were very grateful, in fact someone phoned me back later in the day to thank me.

Posted 3 years ago #
crispy bacon - Member

Well done nickname you definitely did the right thing there today by helping the lady out. Dementia is a terrible thing to have & can leave the individual confused, angry & very frightened. I have just come back from a visit today to Mrs C B's uncle who sadly has dementia but who is thankfully currently in secure residential NHS accommodation where he is cared for 24/7. It is very upsetting for my wife to see this once very proud & very strong man reduced to a shadow of his former self, even to the point that today he couldn't remember what he had for dinner 30mins before & who still thinks he is living in the 1980's.

The advice above is all good & I would second trying to get hold of a relative’s telephone number so you can ring them if she is found confused & vulnerable again. If she is a danger to herself in her current state of dementia, which will unfortunately only progressively get worse, then she may need to be moved to a place of safety asap.

Posted 3 years ago #
RudeBoy - Blocked

Very sad...

My next door neighbour, Johnny (known locally as 'Johnny- he's not well), is not a well man. I tell him to knock on my door if he ever needs owt, and he says he will, but sometimes, old folk can be really stubborn. It must be pretty humiliating, to have to ask for help for simple things you used to be quite capable of doing for yourself. My mum, bless her, is 72, and gets annoyed that she can't do stuff like she used to. Her mind is sharp as, though, which is really good.

You did the right thing, to be concerned, nickname, and as people have said, contacting SS and/or family is a good step. I hope someone will look out for me, when I'm old.

Posted 3 years ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

pk-ripper

...........I think you have to be patient with this woman, and help her as best you can. If you can get her chatting and find out the details of any next of kin, give them a call. It's only if it happens at odd hours that it gets different.[

Wot 'e said

How much do you want to be involved? Get that clear in your mind. If you have a crisis the police are the people to go to - they will sort it. In the meantime the minimum a good neighbour would do is make sure family oand / or social services were aware and keep an eye out.

Want to get more involved? Your call. The more contact with neighbours and communities people living with dementia have, the longer they live and the longer they live happy lives in communities.

Make sure they have a pint of milk and a loaf of bread? Knock on the door every day or two?

Posted 3 years ago #
muddyfox courier - Member

My dad is 82 and has dementia and is getting worse . It's gone fairly rapidly from 'comedy forgetfulness' to full on dementia. It's clearly nowhere near as bad as it can/will be though.He's lucky my mum is there to do everything for him .He only has one leg ,which brings other problems.My mum has physical challenges too and is still recovering(well)from double hip replacement.We have had a load of help from SS ,but at times it's not as good as it should be. Obviously there is a conclusion to it all ,but in the meantime try not to lose your rag .My own advice I'd do well to take. well done for being so human.
The rumours are we're all going to live even longer ,so I guess we're all in for some karma.
I hope I go like my grandad . He was only 60 ,but he went peacefully in his sleep. Unlike the 49 passengers on the bus he was driving at the time....

Posted 3 years ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

I have a stubborn old git for a neighbour. In his 80s and getting a bit dotty. Legal stuff is a bit different in Scotland but the principle is that the "vulnerable adult" gets the choice. Even if they can't make a decision others must make decisions for them in accordance with their known views.

My neighbour does not give a hoot if he is found dead on the floor one day and certainly does not want anyone interfering in his life.

I have offered to fetch him a loaf of bread and a pint of milk. He refused. I have his daughters and his "travelling companions" phone number an they have mine. I have a set of keys to his flat and he has agreed to tell me when he goes away as he does. A few times I have had a phone call from one of his family "I can't get hold of Fred". So far I have knocked on his door and told an irascible old man to phone his lady friends. One day I'll find him dead on the floor. His choice.

Posted 3 years ago #
falkirk_mark - Member

Just remind her about the hundred quid she owes you ;-/

Posted 3 years ago #
WTF - Member

I hope I go like my grandad . He was only 60 but he went peacefully in his sleep. Unlike the 49 passengers on the bus he was driving at the time....

Posted 3 years ago #