After another run in with a driver this morning (in which I blew my top pretty quickly), I really think it’s time I learnt how to control my temper.

In high stress situations (such as the driver cutting me up this morning), I very quickly get to the point where I can’t think straight; I get abusive rather than trying to remain calm and get my point across. I also will very quickly issue some kind of physical threat, which has got me into trouble on more than one occasion. This is on the bike BTW, I’m considerably calmer in the car (though still have the odd outburst!).

Anyone used CBT/NLP to help with this kind of thing?

woody, re the tyre…..thanks mate for the offer, but i needed some proper semi slicks. sorted now.

re the stresshead……i was just the same has you, i now cycle to work on the path where possible. which is most of the way.
no more stresshead. 8)

Classical music in the car when things get fraught. It really works for me. Maybe a single headphone?

I’m the same. Would be interested in the sensible answers to this.
I ride along a long narrow road and give the finger to all those who get too close.. 😳 commuting by bike should be a way to relax and get out of the traffic.

if you shout at someone there inbuilt reaction is to be defensive. if you calmly explain they *may* have they’re view changed.

remove yourself from the situation; ie find a quieter route.

Is there a off route option to part of your ride, or can you break the route up into a slightly longer but quieter route?

My commute door to door is 3 miles of busy city commuter traffic, but I chouse to do a round loop of 7-8 miles in, mostly traffic free tracks paths and canalways, which takes longer, but totally stress free from silly drivers 😉

Already on pretty much the quietest route. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t happen every day, but when it does – BOOOOOM!

how long have you been commuting by bike?

i was quite aggressive for the first couple of years, i think its partly through being scared. However Ive been knocked off twice, from behind, driver didnt stop either time….. I think that now i just accept that one day I wont make it, near misses just make me laugh now, point and laugh

Woody can you describe the type of commute you have in a bit more detail, are there the same hot spots that crop up, can you avoid them?

IMO (that’s an important bit), a short fuse like that can indicate stress in other areas of life, like work, family etc. Whenever I catch myself boiling over (never, as it happens, on my bike commute but sometimes in the supermarket or just someone walking very slowly!) it’s usually because I’m bothered by something else entirely.

Based on my experience as I’m am similarly short tempered in certain situations ..

My guess is you are stressed before you start the ride in anticipation of potential incidents, thus when they occur you are ready to pop, you have rehearsed in your mind what you’ll do and that itself creates stress. You can control that stress level before you start with some relaxation techniques, trying to clear your mind, etc. You are threatening violence because you feel threatened or indeed actually were in danger due to motorists behaviour, it’s natural to feel like that. I would suggest you practice the speech you’d like to give, the first few sentences at least. Then when the incident occurs wait a little, count to 10, let the other person speak first etc, then just give your speech calmly.

BTW I wish I could follow my own advice more !

10 years soob! I’m just the same now as I was at the start, possibly a little worse since the Jnr W2Ks came along.

ski – it’s not just commuting, though I vary my commute naturally anyway as there’s a couple of routes I can take.

I used to be ‘cycling avenger man’ too. Loads of run ins, including drivers screeching to a halt and getting out etc.

Nowadays I suppose I’ve just accepted that some people are dicks, whatever you say to them they will still be dicks and quite honestly I don’t need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life.

Point and laugh now.

I find if I was to react to eveyone that got too close it’d be about every three cars. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally I still react to the inconsiderate sod that gets about as close as they can without touching and it totally spoils my ride. That’s what I try and remember to avoid reacting.

Also thanking those that do actually take time to wait instead of making a dangerously close pass helps me; they feel as if they’ve been kind to another road user and can bathe in their glory, you can be happy you encouraged yet another driver to recognise your vulnerability as a road user.

I’ve had enough rides spoilt because I let myself react when in reality, nothing actually happened to react to – I’m still alive and rollin’…!

Think about what going BOOOM!, or flipping the finger, achieves. Usually, at best, nothing and at worst a unpleasant confrontation.

If someone cuts you up, or passes too close, there’s no argument that they’re acting like a dick. But by rising to it you’re, well, lowering yourself to their level.

At the end of the day you control your temper. Try counting to 10 (seriously, it works), or just laugh it off.

What helped was realising that losing your temper gets you nowhere.

A rational exchange starting with “does my safety matter to you” has a chance of changing behaviour (if you are able to).

Defensive riding may help you Dez.

Nowadays I suppose I’ve just accepted that some people are dicks, whatever you say to them they will still be dicks and quite honestly I don’t need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life.

This, very much. Be the bigger man.

In high stress situations (such as the driver cutting me up this morning), I very quickly get to the point where I can’t think straight

I’m the same, adrenalin kicks in and all rational thoughts dissolve into rage. Let me know how you get on trying to change this.

I’ve never actually been hit by a vehicle in either a car or a bike, but I’ve definitely had a couple of angry moments over the years when people have done stupid things near me when I’m on the bike.

One thing I do in the car, is try to notice every time when people do polite and nice things, like let you into traffic. Once you start counting those, you notice that they happen much more than the annoying drivers*, and have a much more positive outlook on driving. Otherwise you get in the mindset that everyone else is a ****, and you’re a superior driver and you’re at risk of being an arrogant idiot yourself.

With annoying drivers, I consciously try to say ‘****’ under my breath once, then forget about it. On the bike, I’ll sometimes shout ‘woooaaah’ or similar if someone does something that really seems dangerous, as I think it’s good that they know that they have had a near miss.

When it comes down to it, I think it’s always good to try and remember that pretty much no one sets out to be an idiot, and whilst it is threatening to you, it usually isn’t actually deliberate.

Joe

* at least they do in rural Derbyshire – might not be such a good tactic in some towns!

quite honestly I don’t need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life

*searches for Team America video..*

Nowadays I suppose I’ve just accepted that some people are dicks, whatever you say to them they will still be dicks and quite honestly I don’t need to allow their dickishness to penetrate my life.

Point and laugh now.

Kind of this for me too.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Provided I don’t actually get hit, near misses and dangerous/idiotic driving don’t really bother me. I think I’ve accepted it as ‘normal’, and therefore expect it rather than get offended by it.

But I’m not the sort of person who gets easily angered in general though, so maybe this helps.

I have tried some of the above, counting to 10 etc, but there’s always an incident that sparks me off again.

I think it probably doesn’t help that I saw my mate get banged up badly by a car whilst out on a ride, and I’ve seen the aftermath of a few other incidents too.

I probably do need to take a broader look as I can be a bit of a hothead on occasion, but being on the bike amplifies it by 1000% seemingly. Still interested to hear if anyone’s used any kind of “therapy” for this kind of behaviour. Email me if you’d rather not air it publicly 🙂

Try and reduce in other parts of your life too, your stress-o-meter is already high which is why it just takes a bit more to pop.

Give yourself more time to travel, assume others will do daft things and try and be the bigger man.

As frustrating/stressful/scary the situation is, it will soon be past tense and holding on to it is just letting them win. Even if they are an inconsiderate @#£%&*!

Showing the other person you can’t control yourself just gives them more ammunition against you and stops them from listening. Even if you are right in their eyes, your behaviour makes them superior.

NLP’s a manipulative gimmick, CBT is a combination of effective therapy techniques. You seem open to talking to someone as you mentioned it, I think it sounds like a good start 🙂

Carry a replica gun water pistol and shoot the offenders… the momentary panicked look on the face of the offender will give you a warm fuzzy feeling for the rest of the day and a real sense of calm.. or just tape an air horn to your bars and let that be your release..BWaaaaaaaaaaaaarp!!

I tend to wave cheerily now instead of giving the finger and shouting ‘good morning’ rather than swearing. It lets me acknowledge that something has happened without inflaming the situation. It also has the added benefit that there is nothing they can do at that point – they can’t should at you for smiling and waving so they are left pent up and you can happily go on your way. I’ve even once had a nice conversation with someone after doing it.

I’ve also done the chase the car down, scream and pull open the driver’s door thing. It may get an apology (it did) but it still leaves you wound up after you win so it doesn’t really work for me any more

your stress-o-meter is already high

That’s the thing – I have no reason to be stressed at all. I have an easy life 🙂

If it is high, it shouldn’t be and I want to get to the bottom of why it is!

By the way I also shout at drivers sometimes (rarely), it’s annoying that they can rarely hear and often disappear straight away 😡 But, then I try and let it go.

It’s cars.

If someone bumped into you on the street both of you would be all apologies. Try to remember that it’s just people, talk to the person, not the car

Years ago, one of my favorite lines I used* to use, if they had their kids in the car, was…

‘do the world a favor and don’t grow up like your Mum/Dad’

Did not cool the situation down at all, but in the short term, boy did it make me smile as cycled off watching the driver explode with rage 😉

*I have grown up now and would never dream of using that line anymore, cannot remember the last time I have had ‘words’ with a driver, finding a quiet, fun off road route worked for me.

Have a peek here too; this is more anger management specific Link

Mine is ” do you drive like that so that people who don’t know you can hate you as well?”

Another reason why I like quiet off-road routes. My ride to work this morning may have been a bit damp, but it was entirely stress-free and I could happily daydream without being killed to death.

Read the chimp paradox. Covers this stuff well.

Although that doesn’t help in short term!

It’s cars.

If someone bumped into you on the street both of you would be all apologies. Try to remember that it’s just people, talk to the person, not the car

Another excellent point.

Also, consciously look out for and thank people being nice to you (letting you out etc) and look out for situations where you can be nice (letting others out/pedestrians cross over etc). Don’t make the commute a war of you against everyone else. Plus, it’s nice to be nice and it’ll put you in a better mood.

My commute is ok TBH, mostly quietish roads and offroad in parts if it’s not too muddy. Commuting is really the only “road” riding I do, I ride offroad as much as possible for this very reason!

Herman – nice link. This sums me up well I think:

The other alternative is to suppress the energy until the next time you’re angry. This may mean you release so much pent-up emotion that you overreact to the situation. Realising this can lead to feelings of shame or frustration when you reflect on your actions, and to further repression of your feelings.

Particularly the shame bit. I feel terrible at the moment as I shouted an obscenity at the driver this morning, and looking back I was right outside a school with mums & kids about. What a kn*b I must have looked!

emsz – nicely put 🙂

IHN – I do acknowledge people who give me plenty of room, stop at ped crossings to let people across etc etc.

how hard are you pushing on your commute, are we talking Strava KOM levels of effort ?

Klunk – I do push on at times, but not flat out by any means.

Last one from me on this subject, that has not been mentioned yet, but is quite controversial.

I know another riding buddies who commutes listen to music with headphones on, while they ride in, not for me, but discussions we have had in the past, about cycle rage, it seems to help them?

my advice would be to tone down the effort a bit and see if that helps, though exercise is good for stress it also elevates testosterone levels and when given the right situation not so good for the blood pressure.

corroded – Member
IMO (that’s an important bit), a short fuse like that can indicate stress in other areas of life, like work, family etc. Whenever I catch myself boiling over (never, as it happens, on my bike commute but sometimes in the supermarket or just someone walking very slowly!) it’s usually because I’m bothered by something else entirely.

+1 this