Guess I turned over in bed and caught her with my watch. Usually take it off. I am now in bad books and spare room.

Honestly officer, she just slipped!

Are you sure she didn’t walk into a door?

Been there done that (not your missus) I have pointy elbows and sleep like a starfish apparently 🙂 Just watch out (no pun intended 😉 she doesn’t get her own back with the kitchen cupboard door.

“I thought she was the giant JLS singing clown that was chasing me officer, honest”

I think you’ll find she fell down the stairs!

How many pints of Stella had you drunk?

My lady crashed her bike into a landy recently resulting in 2 black eyes. A few days later in Sainsburys a concerned till lady asked a question……

Her “oh, dear, what happened”

Me “i had to tell her twice”

Que deathly silence over what seemed like the entire store, save for a few awkward sniggers from a lad across the way.

I’m not sure what I said it, it was out like a flash before I could stop it!

🙂 I was just thinking of the “tell her twice” joke when you posted that.

Like you, I would have said it. Too funny not to.

Don’t fret lad. Just remember that at some point in the the past she deserved it. You may now have forgotten when that moment was but who cares.

You are not the victim, stop blaming yourself. Hope the watch is OK.

I smashed my ex in the face with the cover of a stove extractor fan – just moved in to a new place and it wasn’t fitted properly just fell off when I pulled it to turn it on. She got her own back instantly by dropping the pan of simmering bolognese down my leg.

i stripped the wooden stairs at our house

the mrs wnt down the stairs on the monday morning not holding on to the bannister on the corner wearing socks

heard lots of noise and screaming.

goes through and finds her in a heap on the floor next to the door

with an instant bruise and massive lump on her forearm- any time a t shirt or short sleved top was worn for the next month i was named and blamed for causing it (apparently) , now she holds on to the banisters – they werent even particularly slidy !

I smashed my ex in the face with the cover of a stove extractor fan – just moved in to a new place and it wasn’t fitted properly just fell off when I pulled it to turn it on. She got her own back instantly by dropping the pan of simmering bolognese down my leg.

😯

OP…as above..I hope the watch is ok. I’ve done that, the mrs just told everyone I’d punched her…
Cow!

You are a bad man.

I’d be clearing the house of blunt objects right now and checking for booby traps.

My other half moved around due to the heat and head butted me in the nose.

Woke up with face covered in blood lol

Now if it was the other way round I’d be in trouble!

I have received a kicking in bed, apparently she was “dreaming”.

My missus horse managed to butt her when she was given him medicine, two black eyes and bruising was the result.

She said that pretty much every women she explained the story to gave her a look that said, ‘you need to leave him before he really hurts you’…

Love the ‘twice’ joke though.

“men” who let their women kick them out of the bedroom

yes i know its a joke but since when is domestic violence funny?

Let her leave, it’s your bed too.

yes i know its a joke but since when is domestic violence funny?

When you have developed a mature sense of humour, and when you have the sense to understand that being amused by irony does not imply the condoning of the subject.

Please see Jack Dee, Jimmy Carr, et al.

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXsjzcC4Jdw[/video]

My missus ended up going to A&E when a 3′ mirror fell off it’s mounting and cracked her across the bridge of the nose. I met her there after she’d triaged and was waiting for max-fax to see her. Sitting in a hospital waiting room while your lady holds a big wad of tissue over her noise attracts some fairly curious looks…

edit; not as funny as i thought i was

Watch is fine. It’s pretty solid and fairly large. Tis a Seamaster crono pro. (Slight brag)

I was walking my gf out of the cinema on our first date – was putting my coat on as we walked. The sleeve must have been twisted cos I had to force my arm through – as it gave and my arm went in, I caught her square on the jaw and knocked her out cold!

Even managed a couple more dates!