shooterman – how were you forced? A gun to your head? You made a choice – even if the choice was “the job or me” YOu are / were an adult and need to take responsibility for your decisions

seriously – you have some real issues to address – counselling before you do anything else.

How about “I’m taking you child to another part of the country with or without you.”

.. this seems more about you gathering up the courage to leave your wife (and trying to find justification for it) ..

I would second the suggestion of counselling:

you’ll hopefully be able to talk to your wife about the issues you are having (as a couple)
and you can then work out what is most important for you

Thats still a choice shooterman. Personally (from only half the facts) I’d have told her where to go at that point.

I know there’s always a choice TJ. I also know that many of the issues stem from me always wanting to please and not upset people which ends up leaving me seething.

I supose it is crunch time. I just don’t think the relationship is meeting either of our needs any more.

Maybe I am just looking for a neat excuse rather than a more difficult and vague collapse in the relationship.

I do appreciate what everyone has had to say. Much food for thought.

My fly-by assessment of the situation is that you seem to be ‘seething’ as you say and having a gun like ‘i am taking your child away’ would do that. However, without wanting to sound all daytime TV, resentment and seething isn’t going to help you and her or your kids. What do you have to lose for talking to her open and honestly about your resentment, how YOU feel and what you want to happen. Worst case – you split – which to me is what you seem to think you want. The grass is always greener and more often than not the ‘problem’ is closer to home than you may wish to admit i.e. you need to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Talk to her, see what happens. Good luck.

Thanks to everyone. It’s been a long night of the soul!

Driving to work I realised we need an honest chat about the way things are. I told my sister how I’m feeling and she offered to take the kids so the wife and I could get a night away somewhere to sit down and talk things through. I might do that.

The bottom line is we need to decide if we can work together or if we are just making each other miserable. At the minute we’re pulling in opposite directions and I feel very let down by recent events.

The issue of where we live and why we live there is something I’m really struggling with. It’s been bugging me for eight years and I don’t know if I’m ever going to come to terms with it.

I know a few neighbours and friends from outside the area who have found the rural community impossible to break into and have ended up using their homes as bedrooms. Perhaps I will look at working away during the week and coming home at weekends.