If you can cope with the looks then the Renault Koleos is a Nissan X trail underneath and comes in thousands of pounds cheaper!

Seriously?

Koleos, X-Trail? They’re all utterly vile looking things and pointless too.

Need space? By an estate car.
Need off road ability? Buy a proper 4×4.

Soft-roaders, or whatever the latest buzzword is, are just stupid.

Need space? By an estate car.
Need off road ability? Buy a proper 4×4.

What car would you suggest for someone who wants a civilised, yet roomy, ride and the ability to do some light offroad work, rocky farm tracks and the like?

mil has a 55 plate one, decent enough to drive, does about 40mpg (2.2dci)
but, fuel pump went after 2 months of ownership, would have been pricey to fix but luckily warranty sorted it.
general opinion seems to be, if you get a decent one they are pretty decent, but get a bad one and it may be a money pit.
personally, the OP’s one would look ok with standard wheels imo.

What car would you suggest for someone who wants a civilised, yet roomy, ride and the ability to do some light offroad work, rocky farm tracks and the like?

V70XC, Scooby Legacy Outback, Audi Allroad, etc.

I’ve used my (non XC) V70 AWD for “light offroad work, rocky farm tracks and the like”, such as Salisbury Plain, or getting down the silly bashed up track to my friend’s farm in Pembrokeshire, and it’s fine. You just don’t need a soft roader for anything.

V70XC, Scooby Legacy Outback, Audi Allroad, etc.

Not really proper 4x4s, are they? Just expensive soft roaders. 😉

No, they are not, but they’re not jacked up on stilts to make you feel like you’ve bought a proper off road vehicle.

Big boots, normal handling on road, and a little more oomph in the dirt if you need it.

Soft roaders offer nothing beyond that, apart from some sort of smugness about being higher up than other people.

(FWIW, I’m pondering buying a Disco at the moment. 😉 )

But you said…

Need space? By an estate car.
Need off road ability? Buy a proper 4×4.

😀

OK OK, I get the drift, the GhettoWagon is a no-no.

I’m still stuck though. Went to see some cars at the weekend, liked the 3 series but it would struggle to hold 60m of rope and a rear mech.

5 series was nice and had lots of room, but it’s a pretty big box of metal.

Still really liking the Mercedes CLK coupe, and the rear seats fold down flat to make it useable for biking.

I can’t own a Subaru (I wouldn’t be allowed in the office car park, although i doubt i’d be allowed in with an x-trail either), a Landy is overkill, a Mondeo will result in depression and I will lose the most beautiful girl in the world (and my dignity) if I buy an estate.

So, realistic options are:

3 series with a hidden towbar for a bike rack
5 series and some spacial awareness
CLK and a pair of boat shoes

The Nissan X trail, and Koleos are one of the better off roaders with central diff locks etc, they aren’t all show and no go.

3 series with a hidden towbar for a bike rack
5 series and some spacial awareness
CLK and a pair of boat shoes

I don’t think any of these are particularly good offroaders.
You probably would be better looking at the Volvo/Audi/BMW poshroaders.
A better definition of what you need might help.

I will lose the most beautiful girl in the world (and my dignity) if I buy an estate

Estate cars tell the world you don’t give a **** what people think of you and that you have big virile balls.

It’s a pointless car!!

Noisy crap on fuel and a bit cheap deeling (10’000kms in one)
Load space is poor for the size.

Just get a CRV. It’s a better looking, more reliable X-Trail. Ours takes four bikes on the roof and has a 700L boot when needed. Returns about 38mpg in diesel trim. 96K and nothing has gone wrong aside from blown bulbs.

And it is good in the snow – a proper off-roader – even on road tyres.

Returns about 38mpg in diesel trim

f’ me transit did 32!!

Minging. Trying to imitate a Cayenne (from the side anyway).

This is what you need.

Definitely change the wheels and tyres.

We see a lot of Porsche/BMW/etc. “bling” 4x4s with low-profile tyres like that around here in the winter. Usually in ditches, occasionally upside-down…

Does he have the original wheels? That’s all that needs sorting.

Trouble is I doubt there’s very much aftermarket value for them, unless someone else wants to make a horrible Xtrail.

I don’t think any of these are particularly good offroaders.
You probably would be better looking at the Volvo/Audi/BMW poshroaders.
A better definition of what you need might help.

I don’t need an off-roader at all, I’m trying to find something that will fit the following:

1. quick motorway commute to work each day
2. weekly trip from Glasgow to Highlands, sometimes as far north as Skye (including through winter)
3. must be comfortable (it’s 5 hours to skye after work on a friday, I’d like to get there not dreading sleeping on the ground in a tent in winter)
4. must have enough space for camping and climbing equipment and a bike (although not necessarily at the same time)
5. I want to enjoy going for a drive in it. Practicality will only get me so far, I’m going to be spending a fair amount of time in it, so I need to want to be in it.
6. ideally 40mpg for longer journeys, but willing to settle for slightly less if I get a good deal on the car
7. looking to spend no more than around £7k

I intend to buy spare rims and cold weather tyres for whatever I end up getting.

What I don’t want:

1. an estate or a van. I can’t bring myself to like them, simple as that. The same way that i’ll never buy certain bikes, I’m not spending money on something I don’t want.

2. anything dull. I’ve been in Passats, Mondeos etc. Again, it’s my money, if I wanted to be 100% practical I’d do all my shopping at Lidl, Ikea, Primark, and ride a Saracen. There’s nothing wrong with buying something I like rather than settling for something I don’t on the basis that it’s “all I need”.

3. An audi. I just can’t do it 🙂

Mrs peterfile works for BMW, so I can get servicing and parts for super-cheap, which made the 5 series appealing (or the 3 with a removable tow bar).

I LOVED how comfortable the CLK was, I could really imagine being able to drive for 5 hours up north in the CLK and still feel relaxed at the end of it. The folding seats in the rear and relatively big boot is actually very spacious, almost as good as a small hatchback.

Also, considering how often I change bikes, I can see the same thing happening with cars. This is my first car – trial and error. i’m not looking for something that will do me for the next 10 years.

An X Trail is an estate just higher up…

VW T5 Transporter 4×4 room for everything and no need to sleep in a tent anymore.

almost as good as a small hatchback.

That good?
It sounds to me like you’ve made up your mind on the BMW or Merc which given the acceptance of trial and error it doesn’t really matter which, does it?
Go for a BMW and see how it goes.

VW T5 Transporter 4×4 room for everything and no need to sleep in a tent anymore

I did consider it, but driving those to the top of a mountain is considerably harder than carrying a tent up 😉

Once my insurance premia reduce, I’d ideally want something like that for the weekend and also a golf/polo etc for commuting and general zipping around in. However, at the moment, the insurance on two cars is just too high.

That good?

Mrs P has a Fiesta and we can cram everything we need in that, so that’s my reference car for storage. It’s tight, but it all goes in.

I measured the CLK with the 2/3 seats completely flat and it was roughly the same. It’s quite a long coupe.

It sounds to me like you’ve made up your mind on the BMW or Merc which given the acceptance of trial and error doesn’t really matter, does it?

Agreed, but given I don’t know anything about cars, I’m trying to avoid making a really elementary error. I’d hate to get any of the cars home and find out that I’ve missed something very obvious.

For example, as a new driver, will I really struggle with the size of the 5? I live in the west end of glasgow, not ideal for a big car.

If I can overcome my fear of estates, would this be a good choice?

BMW 3 Series 330I Sport

Probably not as you’re looking for comfort. I would imagine that the sport badge will provide you with a stiffer ride. I don’t think all BMW tourings are of the sport flavour.
http://www.autotrader.co.uk

For example, as a new driver, will I really struggle with the size of the 5? I live in the west end of glasgow, not ideal for a big car.

You’ll learn fast enough, and most modern cars have edges that are hard to judge for new drivers anyways, and a 5 should have front/rear parking sensors anyways. Also, I’d go for a 5 touring, since you don’t look at it when you’re driving and the extra space is rather useful.