Good post there loulou. 🙂

Binners – as you've recognised yourself in the statement above e.g. like an alcoholic who realises they need help then you can change.

Having known you for several years, you do seem to me 'sometimes' to be on a path pushing a self destruct button. However so many awful things have happened to you in the last year, that maybe you realise change is the only answer.

Because you want it, it can and will happen.

If you come to Hit the North I'll give you some cake. Just like Bernard Manning 🙂

I've some terrible news for you Bunnyhop. I may be riding on your team on Saturday. I know. I know. We'll definately be aiming for dead last 🙂

I know what you mean about my self-destruct button though. I thought I'd disabled it for a bit. I really really do need too. Its not doing anyone any favours

*High5s loulou.*

*Gives binners a big hug since it's his thread*

Yes, you can.
I believe that psychologists say our basic personalities are set very early in life (years 2-5) and tend to be stable and not fundamentally change.
HOWEVER: we all have complex personalities and depending on the external environment and the company we keep, different elements of our personality will come to the fore.
While personality is set and inflexible however, our behaviour and our responses to any given situation are entirely voluntary. So you CAN change your behaviour.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy makes you more conscious of your thoughts and allows you therefore to choose your behaviour and have more control over it. Equally a change of scene can allow you to exhibit more positive behaviours.
I would be very careful tho of anyone in yr life who appears to be suggesting you need or should change any aspects of your personality, they may very well have their own agenda. People who love you accept you 100% as you are….

oh and go and listen to 'Accept Yourself' by The Smiths. As usual Morrissey hit things right on the head 🙂

I'd say yes you can, for a while. The trick is catching yourself before you fall again, as no one else ever seems to.

The trick is catching yourself before you fall again

No no no – optimism rules.

The news has leaked through to 'bunnyhop' towers. Let us hit the North and eat cake.

Although I agree with brooess, sometimes a person who loves you dearly can see tiny things that could improve your life.

My hubby had a really good education, whereas mine was 'shall we say lacking'. Over the years he's taught me so much. This wasn't changing my personality, but enhancing my life. Also I'm pretty immature for my age, so he's made me see things differently.

I think the problem with a lot of men is actually growing up, its a hard task and being mature and an adult with responsiblities doesn't come easily. Maybe binners this is your problem. Still living the life at the Hacienda eh!

Don't beat me up on Saturday?

I believe that psychologists say our basic personalities are set very early in life (years 2-5) and tend to be stable and not fundamentally change.

This thread reminds me of the 'Up' tv show. Some of the children stayed retained their 7 year old personalities, others changed, some for the worse some for the better. One, Neil, was a bubbly happy child but his adult life is that of a lost sensitive soul. Whilst one of the posh spoilt kids became generous and unpretentious in later life.

Erich Fromm's books are very revealing on this stuff.

Yep, because you want to you probably can. But, as with lots of other stuff (e.g. losing weight, giving up booze etc) the difficulty comes when you have to get through the point where you are no longer quite so motivated. That's what makes doing it alone so tough. My guess is that your choices are either to share with someone else and give them permission to interfere in your life (as many folks here don't like others poking their noses in). Or write yourself a letter for the future (3 months from now) about why you want to change, what you want to get rid of and what you want to improve. As cg says focus on the good stuff rather than the negative stuff.

As usual Morrissey hit things right on the head is a complete and utter tw*t

Fixed that for you.

You must also be determined not to go back to the place where you were before. Accept you will have bad days but, actually, you need those to really appreciate how far you have come.

For 6 months I carried something around, never have I felt so upset/useless/helpless/inadequate. I eventually realised it was controlling my every waking moment and, importantly, nothing had changed. I had done everything I could to deal with a situation. It was time to move forward.

Optimism rules, you need to believe it.

I believe you can change. It won't be easy but nothing serious really is. Good luck (and remember to always look on the bright side of life/death.

Good thread this. I think you can change your behaviour, step back, take a look at yourself and get a different perspective. It's difficult though, and takes a degree of honesty, clarity and humility. but not your underlying personality, you are who you are.