Fill in the electronic application below telling us, in the covering message, in less than 15 words, why we should consider you before anyone else, and upload your current CV.

This came up in a job application my other half is filling out. Humorous and serious answers appreciated? I have no idea what to write other than “I got mad skillz, yo”.

A Haiku?

Do you know who I am?

If I don’t get the job, you’ll awaken beside a decapitated horses head daily.

It’s fifteen words ‘or fewer’. Consider your grammar in your application. Hope that helps.

(14 words)

😉

If this is the sort of lame HR department you have goodbye.
Really? Is this a competition on the back of a cornflakes pack?

Read mine last, it’s worth the wait.
Who cares?

It’s fifteen words ‘or fewer’. Consider your grammar in your application. Hope that helps.

👿

Really? Is this a competition on the back of a cornflakes pack?

Actually, no. A 30k graduate role – I was surprised as well Mike.

Also, I apologise for the disagreement the other day!

Concision is important.

It’s fine, sounds like a new age HR department. Alarm bell number one. It’s not an exciting new tech/web/circle jerk start up wannabe is it?

“Coz I was your papa you silly little bunny! Call me papa!”. 😆

If this job requires “telling” not “showing” that I’m good, I don’t want it.

Let’s cut the crap and get down to business; yes or no? You decide.

Because I’m worth it.

If this job requires “telling” not “showing” that I’m good, I don’t want it

I’ll remember that for my next civil service competency application/interview 😆

I’m watching your house, I have a can of petrol

I’ll remember that for my next civil service competency application/interview

I’m a lawyer. In my last job, I had to pretend that I was a management consultant, providing advice to a failed actor while the HR-idiot watched, to see whether I was OK at my job. The actor said “I didn’t feel like this was real”.

Seriously, you idiots. My meetings go well, because I know what I’m talking about. In a meeting about fictional stuff that I don’t know about, I’m not going to do anywhere near as well. Only a person with no skills or knowledge could miss that point.

🙂

“Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror.”

Ah, go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on

I’ve just run that scenario through in my mind. I’d pay to have watched that, BD 😆

Are assessment days completely out of favour? I used to use them when recruiting back in the 90s, the last time I did one from either side would have been in 2003.

Give someone a set of aptitude tests and work related tasks, and see who does the best at it. Wasn’t rocket science but gave a lot of good but self-effacing staff I recruited an opportunity they could well miss out in this age of “Tell me about a time when…” fairy tales.

Ask me a question.

Makka Pakka,
Akka Wakka,
Mikka Makka moo!

Makka Pakka,
Appa yakka,
Ikka akka, ooo

Another reason to get rid of Human Remains involvement in recruitment.

You could try, “eeny, meeny, miiny mo…” At least then the interview would quickly get in to Top Gear.

I hope the end employers is like me and asks the HR dept for all the cvs that they have rejected via their stereotyped lenses.

tastes like chicken…

I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for an employee, I can tell you I don’t have a job… but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very short career at Uni. Skills that make me a dream for people like you.

“I have your Ashley Madison login details”

I am more awesome than GW and Smurfmatt put together.

I’ve never told anyone this before but the time is now right to reveal that

If in doubt, haiku.

Faced with a challenge
The application; too hard!
Asked the internet

Pook – Member

It’s fifteen words ‘or fewer’. Consider your grammar in your application. Hope that helps.

“Dear Mr Pook,

I’m afraid your application has been unsuccessful due to grammar pedantry failure; less is perfectly correct in this context, the false restriction was invented in the 1700s by some pretentious dick and has no basis in reality.

Yours, ”

I hate things like that, I was once asked at interview

“what would be your idea job” I said ‘Top Gear Presenter”

I know you’re meant to say something stupid like the one you’re apply for, or the boss’s job or something, but how narrow must your horizons be to have all your work dreams fulfilled by being the Head of Sales for some pokey little online service provider.

No, lots of travel, massive salary, I’d ever get over the whole ‘car’ thing about it, and I’d have liked to challenge that big lump of a presenter they had about his opinions – that would have done me.

The interviewer looked a bit sheepish, wrote down what I said, hesitated and asked “if you could be an animal, what animal would you be” – apparently I gave a look you might give a small child who asked why grass is green or something, smiled and said “a Tiger”, why “I think they look cool” I was being dismissive, I just didn’t have a better answer to give.

We shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and I left expecting to get no more than ‘on to the next one’ from the recruitment people – but they actually called me before I managed to get back to my car to offer me the job – admittedly I was over-qualified for the job, but had been out of work for nearly a year due to injury and afterwards they admitted my biggest plus was they were ‘getting me on the cheap’ but I’ve never been afraid to be bold and be honest rather than trying to remember the answer you’re supposed to give.

15 words means they’re not after some ‘slam dunk’ to give you the role, they’re just after a bit of an idea of your character – I’d personally write “Please read my application attached, if you don’t you’ll never know how great I am.” which fits my character and is also exactly 15 words long, if they’re an over-analyser they might think you’re the type of person who make the most of every opportunity or some horse crap like that 😉

I hate things like that, I was once asked at interview

“what would be your idea job” I said ‘Top Gear Presenter”

I once got told I should dress for the job I want rather than the job I have.

Then the very next day they sent me home to get changed out of my Batman outfit. Can’t bloody win.

In my interview for the current job, my boss said “Tell us something you’re passionate about”. I wasn’t really in the mood for bullshit answers so I just went “Bikes!”. When I got the job, I asked for interview feedback (my first for about 5 years) and he mentioned that as “everyone else said some bollocks like customer service.”

Then the very next day they sent me home to get changed out of my Batman outfit. Can’t bloody win.

Still less embarrassing than dressing as a Top Gear presenter.
Brown cords and a flowery shirt. Indeed!

I haven’t heard that one – right I’m coming to work dressed like Greg Minnar tomorrow.