So I`m going to be Santa at my Kids school Xmas fair.

Anyone done similar and got any tips?

Don’t get an erection ?

Splash of eau d’whiskey. Thems the rules.

LOL!

Get it all on video as evidence against any “complaints”.

Keep your CRB check form handy!

Go as ‘Bad Santa’, ie be drunk, cynical and inappropriate. 🙂

sacrdypants – That will depends on which mum is the elf!

Sit in a chair like Jim’ll Fix It & let them come to you

Hire Max Clifford in case there’s any bad publicity…

avoid “im going to come down your chimney at night and give you all my presents”.

Thread from op in 20 years. “what tyres for going to prison”

Drop some acid, make it more intense, laugh, cry, scream, watch the multi coloured reindeer’s dance to the sugar plumb fairy’s beat.

Nick all the pressies for yourself.

. . i thought Santa was Santa? 🙁

Ask the MILFS if they’ve been naughty this year

Ask the MILFS if they’ve been naughty this year

And ask them to sit on your knee while their kids choose their own present after rummaging around for a couple of minutes.

Ask the MILFS if they’ve been naughty this year!!!!
Could end up turning into a bad Santa.

Make sure your Comedy Santa Cloak is fastened all the way down to the knee.. You don’t want any jingle dangly bells showing now do you.

hands on your head

edit- the head on your shoulders

You need a nice jolly welcome for the children, something like…

“Now then, now then, boys and girls”

Apparently Mr Claus can no longer make it to monkey jr’s nursery this afternoon so they asked me if I could step in 😯 Unfortunately I’ll be in that Ol’ London Town. Can imagine being Santa is a pretty unique yet unnerving experience.

one of the little shites is bound to pull your beard off or kick you in the shin, so get ready to cuff the wee swine around the earhole.
open hand, mind. don’t punch em.

“im going to come down your chimney at night and unload my sack for you”.

FTFY