This is my supposition. It’s some kind of grand prank. Pretend to be a courier company but deliver nothing but excuses. See how much you can enrage normal, happy,rationale people. I mean if not surely they’d be out of business. Even CityLink weren’t this bad and they were terrible.

6 days late so far this mythical package. My initial contacts went the way of ‘have you kidnapped it and did I miss the ransom note’ but soon the echo chamber that is their customer services wound me up so much I resorted to sending them images of DPD drivers and asking if they’d consider handing it to one of them.

Their twitter feed is a car crash. I almost feel sorry for the poor buggers managing that. But not really after one of them finally put whatever he was smoking down and promised me a delivery today. Apparently they delivered a card saying we weren’t in. But they didn’t as we were and once a tyre hits the gravel of our drive, the dog alarm goes off. Anyway there wasn’t even a card. Not EVEN A CARD. I could have dealt with that. Sure you’re a bunch of lying, useless b@@@@@@rds but at least you can f**** DELIVER SOMETHING.

Just a card. Saying we weren’t in. A small crumb of comfort. But no, no card, no response on twitter. I can only assume the social media team have been firebombed in their office in a Falling Down kind of scenario.

It’s going to be delivered tomorrow. No really it is. I don’t know what’s going to be delivered, it’s so f***** long since I ordered it, I can’t even remember the package contents. But I trust them. I mean sure SIX DAYS is quite a long time to make the dangerous journey from Gloucester to just outside Gloucester. And I accept we’ve had the wrong type of rain. I hope the delivery driver has sandwiches because otherwise he must be blooming starving. What with it BEING SIX F***** DAYS to travel 11.5 miles. You could deliver faster using a flaming STOAT

Maybe I’ll suggest that. If they ever turn up.

They’re never going to turn up

Are they

Don’t give me false hope

I’ll just write it off to experience

It’s a sad F****ING day when PLANETX are the exemplar of customer service in any transaction. But that’s where we find ourselves. Lost in the delivery company that doesn’t deliver anything. Except disappointment.

I reckon there’s a market for DPD to set up a service based out of the building next door to every Yodel depot in the country. You arrange for delivery to the DPD depot*, and then you pay DPD to bring it to you.

* this assumes Yodel can deliver a package to the big building next door. This may be an assumption too far.

I thought you could pay extra at PX for DPD delivery?

Oh Hi Mark. I was in today 🙂 Sorry forgot to txt you. In Friday as well…. if that works… unless it all goes to sh!t at work again tomorrow!

I was kind of at the two glasses of red wine stage, randomly browsing the PX site. £50 worth so I got free delivery. Not for a moment did I think to check if it was a proper delivery company or a bunch of clowns masquerading as one.

HANG ON – That’s it. This is why they haven’t delivered. They’ve been jumping out scaring people instead. Got to be the same people. Cannot be a coincidence.

I did enjoy filling in the on line ‘how are we doing’ survey tho. Shame you can’t score less than Zero. I was ready to give them the Full Kelvin.

Oh and if ANYONE posts some whoppers proclaiming Yodel actually delivered something on time and not left on a roof or under a passing car, I know YOU ARE IN ON IT. I bet you’ve got the clown masks and everything.

I ordered some hops for my brewing a while ago. Quite a big order, about £25 or so.

After 3 weeks of nothing the seller gave me a refund.

Then bizarrely, out of the blue they turn up 3 months after ordering.

The retailer then emails me to ask if they have been delivered as Yodel claim they have, they are still trying to make a claim for the lost items after 3 months!

I offered to pay for them but they declined and told me to keep them. So I got free stuff, a bit later than expected but free.

I wonder where they had been for all that time.

I’m still going with the ransom idea. A bit like Royal Mail do if you attempt to import anything without paying the import tax. The problem Yodel have is they can’t deliver anything at all. So I guess there’s a warehouse full of ransom notes somewhere….

Sounds like the dog ate the card

We tried to deliver but you weren’t in, no you didnt try and deliver it and how do I know, because I was in. Ah well just use the card we put through your door when you werent in, I was in and there is no card. Ah well we can arrange delivery for when you’re in, I was in and that didnt seem to help…..etc etc yodel suck.

@legend – the dog could conceivably have eaten the card if she’d been out the front today. But unless – and a s a lab I accept this is possible – she can eat it through a foot thick wall where our ‘letter bin’ lives then I think we’re going to have to go with them fibbing

@akira – yeah you feel like you’re trapped in some kind of matrix like loop where no actual delivery can take place. If you read Terry Pratchett he had the concept of ‘l space’ where all libraries were connected together. I think maybe my parcel is in ‘Y Space’ lost between Yodel depots while non existent drivers don’t deliver notes about packages which don’t exist in the real world.

I accept I might be over-thinking this tho.

Al – may well bomb over on Friday. Will email first.

Just collect it if it’s only 11.5 miles away. Save all the stress

Might go that way. May not be able to control myself tho once I get into the building…

Have you tried chasing the seller? It’s their responsibility to get the thing to you.

Let them deal with the cheap, shoddy courier they have chosen to use.

Sorry Alex, I only have good things to say about Yodel, I’ve had a parcel delivered by them only yesterday!

Granted, it was five days late because according to their tracking service they couldn’t find our house…….
Rang Yodel, for the nice automated recording to tell me to ring the shop to arrange redelivery.

When I rang Winstanleys to let them know my order hadn’t been delivered, there was a certain resigned sigh from the nice gentleman on the other end of the phone, but he said he would get right on it.

Yodels solution to not being able to find our house? Someone had printed off a map with our house highlighted in red pen and stuck it to the parcel 🙂

I fully expected to turn the parcel over and find a map back to the Yodel Gloucester depot as the return address!

It’s PLANETX. I wonder how well that might go 🙂 But if it doesn’t turn up tomorrow- and of course it won’t – I’ll try that. Their CS cannot be worse than Yodel. Assuming they have any at all!

@fettlin – 5 days? Well within their parameters of what passes for an ‘on time delivery’. I’m not sure if they can’t find our house or just thought ‘well f*** this for a game of soldiers let’s knock off early’. I do like the way they log it as ‘owner not in’ tho. That’s hardcore lying that is!

I know! I had to check the invoice to see if I’d paid for express delivery by mistake 🙂

10/10 quality rant. Capitals, asterisks, looking like it’s going to be one mad paragraph but just backing off. Almost losing it but staying on the comedy side. Applauds

But you still bought something from planetX so loser x 1000 Points still = loser

Planet X and Yodel? You must really like to gamble. 😀

I know! I had to check the invoice to see if I’d paid for express delivery by mistake

🙂

I’ve no idea why I decided to play ‘delivery roulette’. Alcohol was involved. Just enough to think ‘my mate has one of those nifty cheap tools, I’ll have one of those. Oh there’s a delivery charge, might as well buy something else’

Next thing it’s angst and frustration. Red wine is clearly a gateway drug. Leave it alone kids. See where it leads you…

I’ve been on a long run of receiving Yodel & Hermes deliveries but I’ve had two separate deliveries in the past week by DPD and it was a shock to the system getting my one hour time slot & driver’s name. I felt like hugging him!

Amusingly the survey I filled in asked about ‘new features they were considering’. Basically a 100% rip off from DPD. The problem – as we’ve established – is not really about the comms, that’s just a symptom. The PROBLEM is they are worse than any delivery company in the land, even the one I’m considering setting up.

Which is basically going to fire packages out of cannons.

They delivered something to me once…

Was it a card? I’m insanely jealous 🙂

I CBA to explain it all, but that last chat I had with the lady at FedEx tonight resulted in:

Me: “Let’s face it, he didn’t deliver it yesterday and nobody called “brown” signed for it at all, did they?”
Lady: “Well.. no. The driver tells me he got confused.”

Confused being: A card was left with me (bloody wasn’t), parcel left with a neighbour (but he couldn’t remember which). Actually turned out it was still on his van at 4pm tonight.

Shambles of lies from the driver. He arrived within an hour with tail between legs. Minimal words were exchanged.

Don’t mind cock ups, but lies..

We dont have any problems with any companies here, touch wood. Even Hermes and Yodel!

The only irritating one is interlink as thyre the far side of town if were not in grrrrrrrrrr

I don’t deal with people who use yodel. Too painful. Never again.

I’m sure you lot aren’t making it up but, honest, I’ve got no issue with Yodel round my way ( 😯 )

In fact only today I had a real actual card through the letterbox saying it was at a neighbours. And it was. Intact and complete as far as I can see (though if anyone’s an expert on P-X truing stands (well played wwaswas!) perhaps they can tell me what the single U-shaped “washer/spacery thing” in the bag is for ? – on top of the card in the pic below)

[url=https://flic.kr/p/MFYbiE]IMG_20161012_194034[/url] by scaredypants, on Flickr

Bought some chairs off eBay.
Yodel were the couriers.
Tried to deliver but we were out, so they left a card.
Rang up and arranged to collect from the depot.
Arrived at the depot. Were informed the package was out for delivery.

* this assumes Yodel can deliver a package to the big building next door. This may be an assumption too far.

Way too far.

“Signed for” delivery delivered when I was out.
Called to find out where it was, they can’t say but put me in touch wit the driver.
Where is it? – don’t know
Who signed for it? don’t know
What was the name on the door? nope
Number? nope
Male or female? – nope
Do I get any clues at all, town? country? No, they just told me to call the sender and get the package re-sent.

Never has the phrase ‘lowest cost bidder’ ever felt so precedent 😉

Anyway I decided to get it off my chest properly: http://pickled-hedgehog.com/?p=3768

That’s NSFW if you’re offended by some quite angry swearing 🙂

Alex – Member
Was it a card? I’m insanely jealous

I didn’t say it was for me…

Hey you got SOMETHING. I’m still jealous 🙂

Yodel’s nice system here… you wait in for a package all day and then at 5pm you go to your neighbours 5 doors down and collect it! If you’ve been lucky enough to receive a stealth card in that time – it won’t be your card and it won’t be of any relevance on what’s just happened.

This is a great thread btw. There’s never been a better and more logical partnership than Planet X and Yodel, has there?

My Yodel driver is awesome.

Just had been car battery delivered by the from Glasgow, ordered in the morning day before, delivered and dropped off with my neighbour with a card through my door the next morning.

orangeboy – Member
Just collect it if it’s only 11.5 miles away.

Many a time, after suffering the automated system and selected collect have I rocked up at the local (Bristol) depot only to be told ‘its out for delivery’ 😯

I’m not sure where to roll the dice next when it doesn’t turn up today. Do I attempt to wrest it back from a delivery company with no delivery capability by striding purposely into whatever dusty shed passes for the Gloucester depot demanding the package back or I’ll be writing someone a very stiff letter, OR summon the mental fortitude to engage with the legendary customer service process provided by PlanetX?

Anyway I can make that decision later. Firstly tho I want to see how the web of deceit is being extended today. Left with a Neighbour maybe? Or something more ambitious ‘driver abducted by aliens’ or ‘package attacked and eaten by locusts’

Having worked for a company until recently that send 2 million plus packages out with Yodel each year the key to a successful Yodel delivery is a place where it is safe to make an unattended delivery or a neighbour who is always in and happy to accept delivery. You need to enter these delivery instructions clearly on the order if the retailer’s website allows. Most Yodel drivers are self employed and paid by the successful delivery so if it looks easy to the driver to make a successful delivery then you have a very good chance (98.5%)
As for trying to work out which retailers use Yodel (or Hermes) for delivery there are 2 good indicators-is it free and do they fail to mention who is making delivery.
Retailers have worked out that saying it is DPD or another well regarded carrier in the checkout pages helps conversion although not as much as Free!.

Finally if you have delivery problems don’t waste your time contacting Yodel, unless you use Twitter which they are very sensitive to. Go through your retailer they are responsible for getting your package to you and have way more clout with Yodel.

Who does Amazon use? I like them cos they just leave the parcel on my doorstep 🙂