I’ve just had a very strong coffee and things are moving, but walking in the bogs made my eyes bleed due to the stench. I had to shut the door and retreat.
No idea what he’s been eating but it’s foul

Not sure how much longer i can hold on

crapping myself at work may be the more agreeable option at the moment rather than trying to face that head on again

I’d give that ten minutes, love 😀

Off too the ladies or disabled loos – spread the luv .

can you find a convenient chimney or someone’s cap?

Wee Crap in his shoes?

I lasted 15 mins and then had to blitzkrieg it in and out.
The bar steward had pebbledashed the pan as well

That was grim

Vicks VaporRub under the nose is a good mitigation technique for smells.

Is there not a ladies toilet you can use?

Go for a handicrap?

Is there not a ladies toilet you can use?

Go for a handicrap?

That sets a precedent for the monsters I work with to do the same. I won’t have the collateral damage on my conscience

I lasted 15 mins and then had to blitzkrieg it in and out.
The bar steward had pebbledashed the pan as well

Biggest problem is that the next visitor, having seen you leave assumes you were responsible.

Leaving a note ‘It werentn’t me signed spawnofyorkshire’ seems a bit ott but saying nothing leaves you with the taint of smell creater/pan splatterer for ever.

MTFU – could be worse

This one is paid for, so pretty clean. You should see the free ones…

My GF commented on the state of toilets at Victoria Station, after paying 50p to get in. I used the one on the train for free.

You should go and ask your colleague if he leaves pebbledash around his toilet at home, and in future to clean up after himself.

M360 – the first time I ever used a squatter was in a Malaysian border town, in a guesthouse with shared bathroom, about six people in the room.
Squatted on the toilet, was really pleased with myself, only to find I had completely missed and crapped down the back of it. This wouldn’t have been so bad, but the toilet itself was raised up about a metre or so, and the crap was right down the back on the floor

Second time I gave them a shot, I successfully managed to drop it all in my underwear which was all the way around my ankles, rather than strategically held up by my knees.

Nothing focuses the mind like having to choke a d*****.

It could always be worse. You could have sat down on a warm toilet seat, complained about the smell THEN your willy could have touched the front of the toilet!!!

Squatted on the toilet, was really pleased with myself, only to find I had completely missed and crapped down the back of it.

Been there, done that. Tipped the toilet attendant 5 euros out of guilt. Once saw one where the footplates had been crapped on and then there was the crowning glory in a cafe Morocco where the “bowl” was swimming in shit and only the “grips” on the footplates were free of excrement. I stood in the cafe and peed into the mess from there.

Squatters generally preferable in dodgy areas because at least you don’t have to touch anything except with the soles of your shoes!

At the opposite end of the scale, the best thing about Holland is the surgically clean bogs – such a relief driving north when you cross the border from Belgium!

What about the eastern Europe type bogs? With the shelf so you can inspect your stool! I was in an attractive ladies flat in Berlin and sat on a bog not noticing it was different… Got up to see a turd the size and shape of my forearm! Much closer to me than normal too! Argh! Flushed no problem- was suprised. And especially relieved

Designed so they could check for worms – not nice and rather smelly but effective.

Designed so they could check for worms

Indeed, that’s what happens to nations that don’t turn pig into bacon, bloody heathens.

spawnofyorkshire – Member
No idea what he’s been eating but it’s foul

Plenty of red meat without emptying his bowel for a while. 😮

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